I wanted to be better than him. I could be better, if I tried.
Only I needed to survive this transition first.
* * *
I found Mags walking the estate grounds. She took long strides, her hands fidgeting with her hair as she stared up at the trees like she’d never seen a forest before. My father built the house on a forest that cost him a small fortune, but I’m glad he did it. Paths wound their way through the untouched land, and wildlife grew in abundance.
Mags looked up as I approached. Her face screwed up in surprise, then fell into her default scowl, not that I could blame her. She was probably having a very nice walk up until I appeared.
“How do you like the grounds so far?” I asked.
“I haven’t gone far,” she said. “How big is this place?”
“Big,” I said. “Seven acres. Although I don’t really know how big an acre is.”
“Me neither,” she said. “I’m from the city. I know how big a block is.”
“It’s like the size of all South Philly,” I said.
She laughed. “Okay, understood, so it’s huge.”
“Pretty much.” I shielded my eyes and pointed into the forest. “There’s a stream down that way. When I was a kid, I used to go fishing in there.”
“Did you ever catch anything?” she asked.
“Once I caught a catfish. Did you know those things have teeth?”
She made a face. “I ate fried catfish once. Didn’t see any teeth.”
“They’re disgusting,” I said. “Interesting, but really gross. Its teeth were grinding the whole time as I took the hook from its mouth and tossed it back in. Radioactive Philly catfish.”
She laughed and started walking. I fell in beside her. “Did you like growing up here?” she asked.
“Sometimes,” I said. “Sometimes it was hard.”
“Your father?” She tilted her head.
“My father,” I said, nodding. “And other reasons. It was lonely. Sometimes the Capos would bring their kids and let them run around, but I didn’t have many friends. My father sent me to private schools and I never really fit in with the other rich children.”
“I almost feel bad for you,” she said, smirking a shade as she walked closer. “Poor little rich boy.”
“I know, it was a rough life.”
She wore tight black jeans and a long gray shirt, and her hair was piled up on her head. She looked gorgeous, though totally out of place. Her big brown boots stomped over sticks and roots, and I got the feeling she barely ever left the city, and this could’ve been one of the first times she ever went for a hike.
“I’ve been thinking about the contract,” she said, staring out ahead as we wandered down the trail.
“I assume you’re having second thoughts,” I said.
“Yes and no.” She chewed on her lip nervously. “I mean, it’s legally binding, right?”
“If we get married,” I said. “It doesn’t mean you’re legally required to walk down the aisle, so don’t think you’re stuck.”
“That’s good, I guess.” She stopped and leaned up against the trunk of a young tree. It bent slightly and swayed as she shook it and the leaves rustled. Nearby squirrels chased each other, leaping from branch to branch, and birds flitted in the dappled sunlight. “If we got married, what would I do?”
“I’m not sure I know what you’re asking.”
“Like, day to day, what would my life be like?”
I sucked in a breath and studied her. “I haven’t thought about it,” I admitted. “There’s a lot you could do.”
“But a lot I couldn’t do.”
She didn’t move as I came closer. “I’m not going to pretend like you’d be free to run around like before,” I said.
“Run around? What kind of girl do you think I am?” Another head tilt and a smile this time. That was the look she gave when she was joking. I liked it—she was cute when she smiled.
And beautiful when she glared.
“You know what I mean. You’ll be in danger as soon as you say I do. I can’t promise you’ll have the same kind of freedom as you did before.”
“I know that,” she said softly. “You want to put me in a pretty cage.”
I reached out suddenly. I didn’t know why, but I touched her arm, then slid it up along her neck toward her face. She sucked in a breath but didn’t pull away as I touched her cheek. Her skin was soft beneath my rough fingers and I wanted to pull her toward me, to kiss her hard and bite her lip and taste her tongue, but I didn’t think she’d let me. If I pushed this moment too hard, she’d run off like a scared deer, and I just might lose her.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” I said softly. “I want you to understand what you’re getting yourself into.”
“I know what you are,” she said, and reached up to gently move my hand after letting it linger for a few seconds. “I grew up with men like you.”
“Your father,” I said.
She moved away. She didn’t run, but she started walking again. I kept pace, at a distance.
“My father,” she said. “All his friends. Uncle Roy. Their other brothers. My whole family is in your little gang. Did you know that?”
“Yes,” I said. Her father was a small-time guy, barely a soldier. Ran a single club for the family, and ran it well, but wasn’t reliable otherwise, and he only had that club because of Roy. “Your family’s been very loyal.”
“Loyal,” she said, making a face as if she were spitting the word on the ground. “God, I hate being loyal. What is it with you men and loyalty?”
“It’s important,” I said. “What kind of world would this be without it?”
“I’m not
