There are nerves, uncertainty. He’s been with hundreds of women, has experience I never will in comparison. Not knowing what to say or how to touch him or how to even show him I’m interested makes me shy away from it all.
I’m sure he knows about my inexperience, but I doubt he realizes I’ve only had sex one time. And since that was over two years ago, I might as well be a virgin.
Garrick pecks my temple before rounding the Jeep to get into the driver’s seat and waves us all off before pulling away. My fingers raise to the spot his lips touched, the same one they brushed this morning, before I turn to see both Moffie and her husband watching me.
“Girl,” my best friend breathes, blinking slowly. “First off, that was so sweet. And second, you totally fucked him.”
Eli chokes. “Jesus, Moffie.”
I smack her arm. “Did you really need to say that in front of Eli? No offense,” I murmur sheepishly to him. “It’s just not something I like to discuss with everyone in hearing distance.”
“None taken. I’ll just be…not here.” He disappears into the house, probably the tiny closet-like office they set up for him in the back, but not before I call out, “I didn’t fuck him, though, just to be clear!”
At the same time I say that, one of my friend’s neighbors walks out with a young toddler in her arms scowling at us. Moffie snorts at my embarrassment as I grab her arm and yank her inside before we can get lectured.
As soon as the door is locked, I spin on my heels toward her. “I didn’t,” I repeat firmly, face still on fire from the outburst of information her neighbor now knows.
She hangs her coat up and turns to me with her hands on her hips. “But you totally did something. Remember the first time Eli and I fooled around? You said I was glowing. Hate to break it to you, but you’ve got the O-glow.”
“The…?” Oh my God. “I need something to drink for this conversation, and I wish it could be alcohol.”
Rolling her eyes at my dramatics, she walks into the kitchen down the narrow hall and doesn’t bother seeing if I follow. I sit down at the kitchen table and watch her pull out my favorite homemade cherry limeade concoction that I miss her making for me.
“Spill,” she demands, putting a glass in front of me and serving herself one.
So, I do. It’s a condensed version with little detail much to her dismay, but I’m not like her when it comes to intimate stuff. She always loved giving me all the details of her experiences, things I wish I didn’t know whenever I have to see Eli, but I’ve never been that open. Ironic, considering when we were younger I was set to lose my virginity and get as much experience as possible before meeting ‘the one’. I guess as soon as I realized I wanted more, I stopped talking about my many failed experiences of the past.
My best friend leans back in her chair and grips the glass with one hand and glowers. “I can’t believe that’s all I get. I mean, it’s hot. Who better to experience your first downtown experience with?”
I blush. “He doesn’t know.”
“Of course he doesn’t.”
“What does that mean?”
“Ry, you’ve never been good at talking about stuff like that. Do you want to discuss your one and only time doing the deed? You planned it out, let some total random get between your legs, and only told him you were a virgin after it was done. That’s something most guys want to know before they stick it in you.”
“He didn’t need to know,” I reason, the same thing I tell her every time this comes up. Looking back, I was stupid. I looked at my virginity like it was a burden. Maybe if there wasn’t so much stigma surrounding it, I would have waited until finding someone worthy of having it.
The man I found to get the job done had freaked out when he saw the blood, which was a lot less than I expected, and practically tripped over his pants trying to leave. Something about not wanting me to get attached, which is ridiculous.
I see her point, but that doesn’t change anything from the past and won’t change anything now either. “I know you said I could get experience with Garrick, but it’s… I don’t know. Don’t you think that’ll be messy?”
“Is this because of what that jackass told you about getting attached? Not everybody who fools around with people get clingy. That’s just something people say as an excuse not to stick around or be more.”
Tipping my head back, I stare at the ceiling. There’s a water stain in the corner and bugs caught in the light fixture. “If I mess around with Garrick, things could get complicated. I don’t know what I’m doing, and even though he’d happily teach me—”
“Please let him teach you,” she cuts in, in a dreamy tone.
I glare at her. “—I’m bound to catch feelings eventually. Then it’ll make a divorce ten times harder when the time comes. You’ll have to watch me eat tubs of ice cream and those pickle flavored potato chips you think are gross.”
“They are gross.”
“Not the point. I’d be depressed.”
“That’s only if you catch feels.”
How could somebody constantly sleeping with another person not feel something for them in some capacity? We’ve only fooled around twice, and I already feel something for the Australian.
“You’re totally thinking about his dick,” she remarks casually, sipping her drink.
I blush. “Stop. Eli can probably hear you and I don’t want people knowing about this.”
“Knowing that you’re thinking about your husband’s dick? Yes, Rylee. How dare you. You’re definitely going to hell.”
She and Garrick will get along
