He guesses, “Medicine?”
I frown. “Injection.”
His eyes soften. “Would you like my help? Sad to say I know my way around needles.”
Garrick doesn’t often bring up his past drug use, so I don’t either. The last thing I want to do is remind him of it, so I always make sure I’m in my room whenever I need to administer my methotrexate.
“I can handle it,” I tell him, sitting up. The rain has stopped, and the sun is out, so I’m tempted to try enjoying it before my body demands rest.
“I know you can, but I’d like to help if you’ll let me.” I’m about to ask if that’s a good idea when he says, “If it makes any difference, it isn’t going to set me off. The first time I saw you…”
We both make faces at the memory of him kicking me out, but I don’t let him finish his thought. “I would have done the same thing.”
He brushes hair out of my face and looks at my eyes, studying them with great interest. I’ve noticed how much he’ll stare and play with the fallen strands of hair like they’re taunting him, and I may even leave them out of my updos from time to time hoping he’ll reach over and move them away.
“I worry about Zayne,” he tells me quietly, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward to rub his neck. “He used to overcompensate to make sure he didn’t trigger me, and he meant well, but it made things worse sometimes. Like him trying to hide what he was doing only made me ten times more aware of him doing it.”
“He says he’s clean.”
A singular nod is what he gives me. “If he is, he’s using alcohol to compensate. I saw it in rehab. Heard the stories. People turn to new addictions to cope.” His head dips, one hand combing through his hair before he hefts out a sigh. “My counselor told me it was better not to surround myself with addictive things, but I kept drinking until I relapsed a second time.”
“Have you ever thought of…?” Not sure how to finish the sentence, if I have a right to, I let my words fade until he figures out my question.
“Yes.”
The answer causes my heart to drop.
“All addicts think about using again from time to time,” he adds, lifting his shoulders. “Doesn’t mean we go back even if we want to. But, yes, Rylee, I’ve considered it. I have nights where I’ll wake up in an anxiety attack thinking about what will ease my mind enough to loosen me up. Sometimes there are days when I’ve got a million things on my schedule and I want something to wire me up so I can get it all done.
“Addiction isn’t temporary. It’s a disease that I’ll battle for life, one that I’ve seen far too many people in this industry lose. It may be nothing like your condition, but it’s something that helps me resonate with your position. That’s why I want to help if you’ll allow me. Let me be the person who gets you, even if it’ll never be on the same level.”
For a long moment, I struggle to come up with the proper response. There are a million things fighting to escape my brain and slide off the tip of my tongue, but I hold back.
We stare at each other.
Sincerity and need blasting in his eyes.
A sense of understanding in mine.
He needs to be needed, so I say, “Yes.”
And there has never been a more intimate moment in my life like when Garrick gathered what he needed from my room, came back downstairs, and listened to my direction to prep the needle before lifting up my shirt and administering the shot.
He keeps the piece of clothing tucked underneath my bra, bends down, and kisses the needle site once he’s done.
My body shivers.
My thighs tighten.
And when Garrick notices, he simply straightens out my shirt back into place, kisses my cheek, and goes to start dinner.
29
Garrick
“That’s “300 Miles to Heartbreak” by Violet Wonders, the first single from their upcoming album Late Nights. What do you think, Chrissy?”
I’m tempted to turn the station to something else, but I opt to listen instead as I weave through traffic on the 405. I promised Rylee I’d be back before five so we could get dinner, but it’s looking more and more like that’ll have to wait based on the heavy lines of cars surrounding me.
The female cohost says, “It’s a good song, but it looks like it hasn’t even broken the top 10 on most streaming services yet. Usually, the band flies to the number one spot in the first two days. We’re almost done with day one and it’s not looking great for them.”
“Well fuck you, Chrissy,” I grumble, tightening my hold on the wheel and easing into the seat. It isn’t anything I haven’t heard in the first five hours of the single airing. The streams came in hot in heavy in the first two hours, then tapered off.
Back when Violet Wonders first started, we would have been happy just to be in the top 25, where we are right now. But years of experience and promotional tactics tell me that the song isn’t cutting it like we thought when we all agreed on it being the first to share from the selection of sixteen on the album.
“After they cancelled their spot on Hot in Hollywood to clear up any rumors circulating in the media, people have questioned the stability of the band,” a new radio host intervenes. “It’s hard to keep the fans trust if the band isn’t willing to talk.”
“Christ.” Shaking my head, I let out a harsh sigh and slow down among the long line of vehicles around me.
It isn’t like any of us committed a crime or did something unforgiveable. People
