I could have told him that was a bad idea. Cooper did a fancy dance, then began to float toward the surface in a dark, misty cloud of blood. I noted that the hilt of a combat knife had sprouted from his back.
“Primus Graves?” I called out when the owner of the boots was in range of our intercoms. “What brings you down here, sir? This is dangerous territory. We might have killed you.”
“3rd Unit…?” he said, as if I hadn’t spoken at all. “I should have known. Don’t you fools know this exercise has been terminated?”
“Why, no sir. We can’t hear the general ship’s channels down here.”
“You’re hereby ordered to stand down. The other troops have all been destroyed or they’ve surrendered, and it’s time for you to do the same. You’re done with hiding down here on the bottom of the lake. ”
“Hiding? We’re not hiding, sir. We’re costing the enemy dearly. By my count, we’re exactly even. The robots got seven of my men, and we got seven of theirs.”
That’s when Graves noticed the wrecked robots strewn around. He marched around from one to the next, surveying the damage. “These things are experimental. This is going to cost Central millions, McGill.”
“Can’t they just print out another robot?”
“You know damned well they can’t. Was that your plan? To make this experiment costly, and teach the brass a lesson?”
“What? I don’t even know what you’re saying right now. My plan was to survive. We moved to defensible ground, and we destroyed an even number of the enemy. What did Winslade and the rest expect us to do?”
“They expected you to die. Most of the men up top did just that.”
I shook my head and tsked. “Poor tactics. Poor leadership. Maybe I should give a briefing on making the most out of what you have to work with on the battlefield.”
Graves laughed. His voice was rough and gravelly, but he honestly seemed amused. “We’ll do that, McGill. Come on, the robots have been shut down, and they’re being packed up by a team of techs straight from the vaults. The game is over.”
“In that case, we’ll have to take these specimens back to them for study.”
“You do that, McGill.”
Signaling my men, I had them haul the ruined robots up to the surface. They were in pieces, most of them.
When we delivered the broken scrap metal, dripping wet and all twisted up, the techs were shocked.
“Good God! What happened to these units?” the tech leader demanded. She was a prissy thing with a short haircut and beady eyes.
Someone pointed at me, and she rounded on me with a nasty scowl on her face. I nodded to her, standing tall and smiling proudly.
“Sure, we bagged a few. You might want to send a diver down to find the rest of the pieces at the bottom. They seem kind of delicate for combat units, honestly.”
“You did this? You destroyed government property willfully, and now you’re admitting it? Is that what I’m hearing from you, soldier?”
“Uh… yeah, pretty much. What did you expect? These things started shooting at my men. You’re lucky we knew this was an exercise, or we might have wrecked them all.”
“So much damage… all seven of these are a total loss. I’m reporting this to Central. There will be an inquiry!”
“Good idea. Whoever did the design on these things should be fired—or maybe even shot.”
“What?” she asked, blinking up at me.
I laughed long and loud. “I’m saying they need to find out who was so shit-off stupid as to make a combat robot that can’t take a little water. Do you realize that we’re heading to a planet that’s mostly covered by one big green sea? How do you think these toys will operate in a real battle, where the other side is issued real weapons, and there is real weather?”
She looked down at her wet, wrecked robots.
“You seem forlorn, Miss,” I said. “Take heart. Sometimes, the good Lord delivers his best lessons with a swift kick in the pants.”
I walked off Green Deck after that, and my unit followed me. They were all laughing and carrying on, but it was hard to believe how many dead troops we saw as we left.
Had these shitty robots really slaughtered most of the humans? I was outright embarrassed to hear it.
-34-
The next day was a grueling one. I was given debriefings, a long flogging session, and six hours in the brig. After that, I was forced to sign a long list of promises.
“I’ll never do any of it again, and you can take that to the bank!”
I played the part with gusto. It fit perfectly with my lifelong rule concerning such formalities. Whenever anyone wanted an apology, a promise—or even a solemn vow—I swore to it all without reservation. I gave them what they wanted, and it was my experience that doing so immediately got people off your back the fastest.
Naturally, I never had any intention of following through with my long list of promised changes to my personality. It was all for show, and I think some of them knew it. Still, I stand by my methods. They usually made authority figures shut the hell up.
“McGill?” Graves asked me later the next evening. “Are you out of purgatory so early? Wait a minute—you didn’t break out of the brig again, did you?”
“Absolutely not, sir. I’m offended at the concept.”
“Sure you are… what’d you tell them?”
“Whatever they wanted to hear. I don’t rightly remember the details…”
Graves grinned. That was kind of a rare thing, so I shared the moment with a grin of
