“Ever since I saw Blue Larkspur win the Arlington Classic a few years ago, I have dreamed of having thoroughbreds. There is something in my blood. I can’t explain it. You knew this, Mary.”
“I did, but I fear I don’t understand your passion.”
“Blue Larkspur was the favorite going into the Kentucky Derby in 1929. He didn’t win, but he turned it around. Later in the season that stallion won the Arlington Classic. He was named horse of the year. I would love to have a contender like that.”
Mary could see the passion in her husband as he leaned toward the fire, telling the tale; she could hear his enthusiasm.
“Seems life would be simpler if…”
“Simpler? You want life simpler? Mary, come on, this is our chance. It takes years to develop great pedigrees. We have to get started now.”
“Your chance, James, not mine.” Silence ensued. Mary could feel an old pain surfacing. She rubbed her belly to calm herself, but the hurt came from her heart, not her stomach.
“I am sorry you feel that way, Mary.”
“Believe me, James, I know what it’s like to want something. To ache for something.”
“What are you talking about, Mary? “
“Do you really not know what I’m talking about?”
James put his hand to his temple and rubbed it briefly. He then stood to place another log on the fire.
“Do you ever think about the child we lost, James? Do you ever wonder what it would have been like to have a child? When I lost our baby, I never imagined we wouldn’t have another. That’s what I am talking about!”
James sat back in his chair. He was silent. It had been a long time since they had this conversation. “That was a difficult time. Harder for you than me.”
“No thoroughbred winning a race will ever fill the void for me. And yet this seems to be all you need. It bothers me.”
“So wanting to raise a great thoroughbred is like wanting to raise a child? That doesn’t make any sense.”
Mary said nothing and as the pause grew longer, James shifted his weight in his chair. Finally, he said flatly, “I always thought we would have a child one day.”
“Well, we didn’t. And I face that reality every day. I grieve, James, and it hurts.” Mary turned her eyes back to the fire.
“I know, Mary. It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“It’s better to move on. Forget the past.”
“I can’t, James. Do you know that our child would be just the age of Maizie? I think of that. Can you imagine such a gift?” Mary asked, her mind now open to receiving his thoughts on Maizie.
“I don’t give it much thought.”
“You don’t give it much thought? My word, James, how can that be?”
“I don’t know. We are different, I guess.”
“To help you understand, I feel Maizie was given to me to replace what was taken. She is my chance for a child. James, I want her to be the best she can be. I want her to have a good education and learn about the world. When we were shopping today, I had so much fun. She hardly knew what to do. Never been in a store before. She tried on dresses. James, you should have seen her look at herself in the mirror. I honestly don’t think she recognized herself. I told her how pretty she was. How grown-up she looked. My life felt complete.
“I see how much you care for her and how you protect her. What I feel for the horses is different. It’s the beauty of a horse in a race that really excites me, the horse and jockey, one unit, flying over turf or dirt to a finish line wearing the colors of the owner. It makes my heart pound just thinking about it. I’m a proud man, Mary. Maybe a fool, maybe a bit selfish, but I feel I was meant to own great racehorses. I hope you can support my dreams.”
“Your dream is possible. I will never have my own child.”
James stood and walked to the fireplace, hands in his pockets. “I do believe our days here will be filled with great achievements. You and me and Glidewell Ranch will be respected, even revered. Our horses will earn us that. That is all I need.”
“Is that so? I think my dreams for Maizie are more noble than winning a horse race.”
“Why do we have to compare the two? They aren’t the same thing.”
“You know, James, there is something about Maizie that has me thinking she may be destined for some kind of greatness too. She is so intelligent. She wants to learn.”
“She is exceptional, yes. I see that, but so what? She’s just an employee.”
“Can’t you see I want so much for her? Can’t you see she makes me feel needed? I look into her eyes and I see a future for her. A future that we can give her. Wouldn’t that be more important than a great racehorse?”
“Mary, now I know you are overly involved.”
“Oh you do, do you?”
“Your wishes for Maizie are heartfelt and kind, but aren’t they also selfish?”
“How so?”
“Seems you want Maizie to love you and be your child. But is that what she wants?”
Mary sharply turned away and did not answer.
Chapter 26
Maizie’s Diary
July 7, 1931
Tonight I tried on the new clothes Mary bought me. I never had such nice things before. I can’t explain it, but I felt pretty and happy. I never thought about clothes making me feel different, but they do.
My mama never had anything nice. I guess I feel guilty that I have so much. I felt so light and happy when I had my new clothes on, like I could fly. So one minute I am so happy and another minute I am sad because my mama never had nothin’.
Often I go to bed at night thinking about Capp, not Mama. I wonder if he thinks about me. He called to me tonight after the
