She nodded, her eyes glazed with emotion. “I can probably summarize it.” She stared at him long and hard. “Even if you chooseto come back here, to make a different life for yourself, you could never transform yourself to be accustomed to our ways,to the Amish way of life, to our faith.”
He propped his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands. She rested her hand on his back.
“Jayce . . .” Her voice was shaky. “It’s okay. I know in mei heart that I couldn’t go to California and live in your world, so I understand that you can’t be a part of the life I wasmeant to live. If you choose Montgomery as your future home, I can’t see you in a romantic way because it leads nowhere, onlyto heartache for both of us. The most we could hope to be is friends. So I think you have to be very careful when you decidewhere you make your home, that your decision isn’t based on anything to do with me.”
He lifted his head and locked eyes with her. “That was all very well said and absolutely correct.” He held her gaze. “And we can go round and round about this and bounce around the logistics, but it has everything to do with you, like it or not. That’s why I’m going to leave Tuesday. I don’t know if or when I’ll be back. But to carry on, even long distance, isn’t going to help me think straight.” He smiled. “You’re already in my head and heart way more than I ever thought possible.”
A tear trailed down her cheek, and Jayce thought his heart might crumble to pieces as he leaned into her and kissed the tearaway.
“But, Evelyn Schrock, if I come back, I want the whole package. The farm. You. The Amish lifestyle. All of it. I’m just notsure now that I can do it.”
“An honest answer,” she said with a slight nod as she swiped at her eyes.
“And if you’ve hooked up with a handsome Amish guy while I’m away, I can’t fault you for that. It would be my fault for leavingyou in the first place.”
* * *
Evelyn wanted to tell him that she’d wait for him forever, but forever had different meanings for different people. She hadno words.
“Last night when I was tossing and turning on Gus’s couch . . .” She raised an eyebrow. “I know it seems like an unlikelyplace to go, but I just didn’t want to be around my dad and the others, so I camped out there.” He grinned. “Much to Gus’shorror.”
He took a deep breath. “But I kept dreaming about butterflies. It was the weirdest thing, and it took me back to our picnic and your fear of that butterfly. The dreams were so vivid that I looked online for a meaning I could relate to. I’ve heard that butterflies can be angels, spirit guides, and all kinds of messengers, but that didn’t feel right.” He took his phone from his back pants pocket, punched a few buttons, then said, “I found this, and it seems to fit where I’m at in my life, so I’ll read it to you.
“‘When you see an abundance of butterflies, you’re encouraged to pay attention to your cycles of growth. What parts of yourpersonality and life could use a fresh start? A butterfly urges you to go after a life filled with grace and not run froma metamorphosis if your soul craves change.’” He paused, his eyes pleading with her. “So while I’m off finding myself”—he grinned—“it’s so cliché, but you know what I’mtrying to say . . . Maybe if you see a butterfly, you won’t jump or be afraid, but instead try to embrace it for the messageit might be offering. Or at the very least, think of me and know that I’m trying to get my head straight and in line withmy heart.”
As if on cue, a butterfly landed on Jayce’s knee, and Evelyn gasped. She didn’t jump up and run. She remained still besidethe man she already knew she loved. Jayce’s jaw dropped as they both stared at one of the winged creatures Evelyn had beenso afraid of. Its fluttering took on a new meaning and feeling, almost sucking the honesty out of her like a syringe drawingblood from her heart.
“I’m going to take that as a gut sign and hope you’ll be back.”
As the butterfly lifted from his leg and flew away, Jayce leaned over and kissed her, passionately, and she knew his feelingsfor her were strong. But she also feared this would be the last time she kissed him, so she lingered in his arms as long asshe could.
Twenty-two
On Monday morning Esther stood next to Gus at the base of Jug Rock. She was unsure whether or not to ask him whose ashes werein the urn. When he’d asked her to go with him to the rock formation, she’d started to ask why, but then noticed the box underhis arm. She’d been waiting ever since for him to tell her about the contents and why they were going to Jug Rock, which wassupposed to be the largest freestanding table rock east of the Mississippi River. It looked like a giant mushroom in the middleof the woods to her. The local oddity had always drawn in tourists. Today it was just her and Gus.
He had pulled his truck off the highway, and they walked the path through the trees to the rock. Now they were just standingthere, and even though Esther wanted to be respectful, she couldn’t stand the suspense anymore.
“Gus, what are we doing here?” She watched as he opened the box. He’d already cut the tape, so he easily pulled out a plain silver urn and held it with both hands.
“This is
