She goes quiet, and just stands there and lets me work this out in my head without judgement or input. It’s what I need right now and somehow, she knows that. I make a mental note never to underestimate this girl. She’s fucking smart. I really love that about her.
Love?
Well, I like it, I mean.
“Mom met Dad in college. Like you, he wanted to go to law school. It was love at first sight. That’s how Mom tells the story anyway.” I give a humorless laugh. “Grandma, she tells it quite differently.” She nods and I continue with. “Anyway, Dad got accepted into Harvard law, and they were having quite a bit of relationship troubles. Arguing all the time, because she wanted to go with him, wanted to set up house, but he wasn’t ready for that. He had a long, hard four years ahead of him and he wanted to concentrate on his studies. He just wanted to get a quiet place where he could focus, but Mom wanted to move in with him.”
“I can actually understand your father wanting a quiet place. That’s my goal too, and I wouldn’t want anything distracting me from that and Harvard is expensive.”
“They broke up, and Dad was ready to move on when Mom announced she was pregnant with me.”
Her head rears back. “Oh wow.”
“She got pregnant to trap Dad, because she knew he came from money and was going to be successful himself, and would give her the life she wanted. She had plans to go to college too, now she didn’t have to. She could just marry into the life she wanted. She was a social climber.”
“Did you and your mother ever talk about it?” She puts her palm on my cheek and I lean into her warmth. “Did you ever question your grandmother?”
“I didn’t want to believe it.” I snort and shake my head. “Who wants to think they were only born as a pawn?”
“No one. At least I know I was the product of love. There was a time Dad was faithful and according to Mom, there was a time he loved me. I guess I just wasn’t enough for the love to last.”
I shake my head. “This isn’t on you, Maize. You can’t own that. Your father did what was best for him. You being enough had nothing to do with it, because you are enough.” I push her hair from her face, and take in her eyes. She blinks and glances down, but not before I read what’s written there—somewhere deep inside her, she doesn’t think she’s enough.
Fuck that.
“I guess I could put that on you too, Christian. Maybe you weren’t born out of love, but that doesn’t mean your parents don’t love you.”
“Yeah, that’s why they don’t come to my games,” I say with a laugh, but I don’t want her pity. No, I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. “Look, it’s okay. I know what I am and I know what I’m not.”
“What does that mean?”
“I was a means to an end. Dad and I might not be close, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have good traits. Grandma raised him to be a guy who always does the right thing.”
“I guess you get that from him.”
“He loves law and I love sports. You know, if we didn’t look alike, I’d even wonder if I was his.” She angles her head, her eyes wide. “Oh, believe me if you saw him, you wouldn’t question it.”
“Handsome, is he?” she says with a teasing grin.
I shake my head. “Is that all I am to you? A pretty face?”
She touches my chin, runs her finger along my cheek. “Yeah, but keep talking,” she says and even though she’s kidding, it still stings.
“I have an amazing grandmother. She might not like Mom, but she loves me. She often came to D.C. to spend time with me while Dad was at work and Mom was off doing her thing. We did a lot together and it was hard leaving my friends when we moved to So Cal, but she was here, and that made it easier.” I smile. “You would like her.”
“It sounds like she is awesome, but I’m pretty sure we’ll never meet.”
I go quiet for a long time and consider that, remembering what this is and what it isn’t. “Yeah, you’re right,” I say, noting the strange knot tightening in my gut, one that shouldn’t be there in the first place.
“So all that?” she asks with a frown. “Your mother’s betrayal, your parents, their neglect, that turned you off relationships?”
“I guess.”
“You’re not your father, Christian.” She taps my nose. “You’re better than that.”
I give a humorless laugh as my stomach growls, a reminder that it’s been far too long since I’ve eaten. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I slap her backside and she yelps. “Now why don’t you take a seat over there, and you can watch these hands work magic.”
“I thought I already had.”
I laugh at that, liking the way she makes me feel. She’s about to move, but someone stumbles into the hall, and I reposition the two of us until she’s the one pressed against the counter behind me. I do not need one of my drunken brethren coming in here and making crude remarks, or looking at her inappropriately. She deserves better than that, and I’d rather be inside the kitchen with her than outside Wolf House beating the crap out of someone. I’m not sure what it is, but when it comes to her, I can’t help but be possessive…obsessive.
We stand there in silence for a moment, until whoever is in the other room collapses onto the sofa with a loud groan. I seriously need to get out of this place. I’m not even sure if I can tough it out until graduation.
“Wait a second.”
