She pushed at his chest, sending him off balance so that he landed on his arse at the end of the chaise. “You don’t really want to marry me.”
He stared at her, a slight frown tugging at his lips. “Why not?”
“Look where we are, what we were doing. I may be from the country, but I am not a fool.”
“I’m very confused. Were you not enjoying that? I thought you were.”
“Of course, I enjoyed it.” She’d finally experienced a real release—orgasm, as the book had called it. The book had contained drawings of what he’d just done, but she’d never imagined the devastating wonder of it. She pulled up the neckline of her night rail, covering herself completely.
“Then marry me, and we can do it over and over again.”
That was exceedingly tempting. She looked at him once more, her gaze dipping to the V of his shirt, which exposed a tantalizing expanse of his chest, some of it dusted with dark hair. Her hands practically itched to explore him the way she devoured a new map, her fingers tracing over every fascinating revelation.
“This is not a good reason to get married.” She reached down for her dressing gown and stood from the chaise.
“It’s sure as hell not a bad one. People have married for far less.”
She had only to think of her mother and father to know that was true. They hadn’t shared some grand passion. No matter how hard she tried, Fiona couldn’t recall even one moment of intimacy between them—no stolen glances, no touching, and certainly no kissing. Still, having that…connection wasn’t enough. Especially not when independence was in sight, something a woman like her could never have expected. An amazing life—and adventure—was within her grasp. Even the queen had advocated she seek that. And if she did marry, she didn’t have to settle for anything less than the man of her dreams, a notion Tobias had put into her head.
Drawing her gown on over her night rail, she fastened the front. “You should marry the woman of your dreams,” she said softly. “Especially after what happened with Lady Bentley. Furthermore, I deserve to find the man of my dreams—if he exists.”
He stood, and with the fire behind him, his face was inscrutable.
“We both deserve to be loved.” She thought of how he’d lost his mother and the ensuing years of a difficult relationship with his father. Yes, love. And for herself, she also wanted freedom. “None of this changes where we are.” Except if she married him before the twelfth, she’d lose Horethorne. “Did you ask me to marry you because of your mother’s house?”
“No.” He blew out a breath. “But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that was an added benefit. I could obtain a special license, and we could be wed next week.”
“Or I could repeat my answer—it’s still no—and I’ll inherit the house in a matter of days.”
“Is that what you want?”
She heard the anguish in his voice, and her heart twisted. “I want…freedom.” She thought of her mother’s warning, that she be sure before making a lifetime commitment. There had been regret in her counsel, and when Fiona recalled her mother’s occasional melancholy, she knew she didn’t want to feel that way. As though she were trapped with no choices, no freedom. “This is awful.”
“Just the way my father liked things.”
“You believe he envisioned this would happen?”
“I believe he set me up to fail.” Tobias raked his hand through his hair, and his shoulders drooped. “Or he knew me better than I know myself. Whether he expected me to surrender to temptation with you or someone else, he seemed to have been betting on the fact that I wouldn’t be able to wed in three months.” He let out a soft, humorless laugh. “I came close though.”
Until she’d ruined his chances.
“Fiona, I understand the lure of everything my father has dangled before you, but please reconsider. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose Horethorne.”
“You wouldn’t lose it. I’d allow you to visit whenever you like.” Allow him. He would need her permission, and that wasn’t the same as calling it your home. Fiona understood that distinction and couldn’t ignore the guilt cutting through her. Could she really consider this a dream come true when it came at the expense of Tobias’s dreams?
“But that isn’t quite the same, is it?” He bent and retrieved his waistcoat and cravat. Pivoting toward the chair, he swept up his coat and laid it over his arm with the other garments. “Good night, Fiona.”
She said nothing as he disappeared into his chamber, the door clicking shut behind him.
Coming here tonight had been a terrible idea. What had she hoped to accomplish?
Conflict battled inside her. Tobias had admitted he’d never wanted to be her guardian, and he’d repeatedly done things that indicated his lack of genuine concern for her. But then he’d also done the opposite—listened to her and changed his mind, given her things and experiences that brought her joy and showed how much he cared.
He hadn’t asked to have her in his life or to steal the thing that meant the most to him in the world. The real miracle was that he didn’t despise her. Still, her presence was likely a painful thorn.
Well, then she would remove it. As soon as she inherited Horethorne, she would go there immediately. Then she wouldn’t be his concern any longer.
Or you could marry him.
She shook her head, as if the question had been spoken aloud and the speaker could see her reaction. His proposal had been made in haste, in a completely heated moment. Even if it hadn’t, could she ever truly know if he wanted her and not just his mother’s house? Did she want him to want her?
Stalking from his sitting room, she stopped short as she took in her surroundings, looking for anyone who might be about. It
