Noah swallowed. Her skin erupted into little goosebumps and she tried to keep herself from revealing the way she was so completely shaken by Alec and the kiss and being in his arms.
“What if,” she asked in a voice just above a whisper. She swallowed. She wasn’t sure if she should say anything. Then again, she couldn’t stop herself from doing just that. “What if I want to do it again?”
Alec’s eyes darkened to a forest green, shooting lighting to her pulsating pelvis. “I wouldn’t stop you,” he replied.
Her eyes widened slightly, though she wasn’t quite sure why she was surprised. Alec had kissed her twice now, in ways she had never been kissed before.
“What are we doing?” Noah asked, pulling away from his lips for the briefest of moments. She shouldn’t have said anything, shouldn’t have ruined something that was going well, but she had to. She didn’t want to give herself to Alec only to then be heartbroken. She didn’t want to trust someone again only to be used. “You hate me. I hate you.”
Alec kissed the underside of her jaw. “I do hate you,” he admitted. “But the past week or so of you being here has made me realize there’s a thin line between hate and love, and I’m teetering on that line with you now.”
Noah scoffed, even through the haze. “Please don’t tell me you’re trying to pull the I love you card in order to get laid,” she said. “I think we’re both grown up enough to realize that love isn’t a prerequisite for sex.”
“Hmm.”
Alec continued to kiss her but didn’t say anything else in response. Noah wasn’t exactly sure how to interpret that. On the one hand, part of her wanted to think he was agreeing with her, that life itself was done construct that they shouldn’t lie about. Love was great, but what they were both experiencing wasn’t love, and to pretend it was felt cheap and inauthentic. But a much smaller part of her wanted to believe that this could turn into something great, something filled with love and positivity. But then, she shook herself free from those thoughts. Because life wasn’t something that existed - not really. It was all brain chemistry tricking the mind and making people believe they felt this social construct. Noah would know. It happened with Aaron. She wouldn’t do that again to herself.
His hands skimmed the hemline of her shirt and brushed against her flesh. Immediately, Noah flinched, her eyes snapping open. Alec pulled his hands back and opened his eyes to look at her.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“No.” Tears bunched in her eyes. “Please don’t apologize. I...” She loosed a breath. “It’s not you. I promise.”
“Well, we can stop,” he said. “I don’t want you to feel pressure to do something you don’t want to do. I’m not going to get angry or upset. It’s not going to make me think less if you if you want to stop.”
“But that’s the thing,” she said slowly, daring to meet his eyes. “Alec, I don’t want to stop.”
Alec’s eyes widened. Noah had no idea why he would be surprised upon hearing that, especially when she practically threw herself at him. But it seemed to be the case.
“I want you,” she continued. She had no idea where these words were coming from, but the second she said them, she knew they were the truth.
Alec pulled back and looked at her. His eyes were still hazy with desire but he seemed intent on making sure that what she said was the truth. She nodded, hoping to emphasize her point.
He placed his hands on her waist and slowly lifted up her shirt. She raised her arms to help him. Her heart slammed against her chest. She was nervous. She had no idea why she was even in the mood. But Alec was safe. More than that, he was someone who desired her as a person. It wasn’t as though Alec liked her before this. He was never trying to make her his trophy, someone he could manipulate and toy with. Someone he could control. Aaron looked at her as someone who probably annoyed the hell out of him. He looked at her like she was his equal. And he desired her because she offered him a challenge. Right now, she wanted to connect to that. She wanted to feel what it felt like to connect with someone on that level because she never had before.
It wasn’t long before the two of them were both stripped down to their underwear. The movements were slow, filled with tenderness and anticipation. Noah knew it was because Alec didn’t want to push her. She wouldn’t be surprised if Alec was waiting for the other foot to drop, waiting for her to reach out to him and tell him to stop.
But she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t do that.
After Alec stepped out of his jeans, he grabbed her hips with his hands. The shock of his hands on her bare skin paralyzed Noah in a way she hadn’t expected. She sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes rolling back as her hands gripped the back of his neck. He pressed his body against hers. She could feel his desire for her, could feel it pressed against her hip bone. Instead of pulling away, instead of being embarrassed or scared, she pressed against him.
He groaned, a soft sound that filled her ear and made her body thrum. How could someone like her have this much power over Alec Sinclair, hockey extraordinaire. It made no sense.
When she was with Aaron, Aaron made her feel like sex was his reward. He didn’t care about her pleasure, though his ego liked to think he was an astute lover who knew her body like the back of his hand.
He didn’t.
He just cared about himself while she was an afterthought. Granted, she had no
