“So does she have any kids?” I ask, skirting around the topic.
“Kimberley the workaholic with a kid? Are you kidding me?” Matt laughs.
Despite myself, I find myself laughing along with him. Nothing about Kimberley says maternal. She never hated children, she just hated the idea of having her own. Being tied to a tiny human instead of a desk was never her idea of a life she wanted.
“It was a dumb question,” I admit.
And not at all the one I wanted to ask.
“I wonder how her partner feels about her aversion to kids,” I say.
I was going for casual, but I can hear the tremor in my voice as I say it and I know Matt must hear it too.
“She hasn’t got a partner currently. And when she finds one, she’s not exactly backwards in coming forwards. I’m sure she’ll make it known early enough in the relationship that if it’s a deal breaker, the guy can flee.”
“Yeah,” I laugh. “Kimberley doesn’t hold back. If she wants something, then everyone knows it. And equally if she doesn’t want something then everyone knows it.”
Like when she no longer wanted me.
I push the thought aside, concentrating instead on the joy of hearing that she’s not taken. Not that it matters. I’m well and truly over Kimberley and I don’t want to go back there. Not even a little bit. I was just curious that’s all.
I try to convince myself my thoughts are true. It’s hard work, but I think if I tell myself it often enough, I can start to believe it. Because no matter what happens, no matter what old feelings hearing Kimberley’s name stirs up inside of me, it’s in the past. She’s in the past. And I won’t risk going there again.
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