Shit, stop it Chance. This is really fucking dangerous ground.
Knowing this doesn’t stop me from seeing Sierra in my mind though, her eyes twinkling, laughter on her lips. I wonder what her lips would taste like. Dammit, I might already know.
It’s killing me not being able to remember what happened between us last night. Did we have sex or not? If we did, what did her body feel like in my arms? What does she taste like? How soft would her skin feel against my hands, against my tongue? What did her pussy feel like wrapped around my cock? Did I make her feel good?
So many questions and where the answers should be, there is only a blur. I want so badly to remember, but wanting something doesn’t always make it happen. I have to let this go before the not knowing drives me completely crazy.
The guys are still talking, comparing notes about who had the wildest time last night, who drank the most, who lost the most money in the casino. Not Sierra. She still had the chips in her bag this morning to prove it. And just like that—she’s in my head again. My fingers move down to my pocket of their own accord, rubbing over the denim and feeling the gold band inside.
I can’t let myself get all crazy like this. Whatever happened last night shouldn’t have happened at all. That’s all there is to it. And the whole wedding thing was obviously a mistake. The rational and crazy sides of my brain could both agree on that one. Marrying someone after spending one fun night together is ridiculous. And we do need to annul the marriage.
Sebastian is recounting a story about a stripper who wanted to take him out the back and give him a private lap dance and I laugh along and make all of the right noises, but inside, I’m rolling my eyes at the story. And that’s when it hits me. I’m missing Sierra’s company.
With her, I don’t feel like I’m acting, taking on the role of someone I should be, the role of who those around me want me to be. I’m just me. And she seems okay with that.
I imagine myself pushing my fingers into Sierra’s hair, feeling how soft and silky it is against my fingers. I move closer, my lips brushing hers, and then it’s like we’ve both been unleashed. Our hands are all over each other, ripping each other’s clothes off, and I’m kissing her, tasting her, inhaling her. I throw her on the bed—
“Chance?” Sebastian says.
His voice pulls me out of my head. I remember where I am and I start a little when I realize my cock is starting to get hard. “What?” I ask Sebastian, focusing on him and not on my daydreaming.
His face does the trick and my hard on goes away.
“You’re acting awfully strange,” Matt says, narrowing his eyes and peering at me like all of my secrets are laid bare on my face if he could just work out how to read them.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say. “I’m just hungover.” I can feel my face turning red even as I say it.
All of them are staring at me now.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. God, this is worse than hearing the stories from last night. Way, way worse.
“He’s probably mentally planning his next work phone call once lunch is done.” Matt laughs.
Sebastian shakes his head. “No. He’s not. I know that look. He’s not thinking about work at all. He’s thinking about a woman.”
The others all readily agree.
“You know what? You’re right.” Matt grins. “Look at how red his face is. Wow bro, is there more to you than just work? I was starting to think you would die a virgin.”
“Haha, very funny,” I say.
“He’s not a virgin. Remember Josie Lees?” Sebastian says.
“Oh, yeah. She was Chance’s first love,” Matt tells the others.
They begin to tell stories about my awkward teen years.
I laugh along, pleased the conversation has moved on from where my mind was moments ago. I tell myself to stay focused and not go off into my head again. That was way too close for comfort.
“I told you he was thinking about a woman,” Sebastian says after a few minutes of them ribbing me.
How the hell did he get to that conclusion? I’ve laughed along, practically hung on every word.
Even Matt looks confused now.
“He’s always got mad when we bring Josie up,” Sebastian notes. “And now, he’s laughing along with us. Because he wants to deflect attention away from the real issue here. Who he is thinking about.”
Dammit. Am I so easy to read?
“We’ve all been telling our stories about what happened last night, but I think Chance has the best one and he’s holding back on us, pretending like he doesn’t remember. Come on Chance. Spill. Who is she?”
I should just make something up. Tell them how I met a woman in the hotel bar and went up to her room. I don’t want to do that though. I don’t want to feed into their stupidity. And if it gets back to Sierra that I’ve been telling these kinds of stories, what will she think? She’ll think I remember what happened between us and I held back because I was ashamed of her or something. And she’ll think I’ve been telling the guys stories about what we did.
“Aww, he’s gone all shy.” Mark laughs. “She must be the one or something.”
“Bullshit,” Bradley puts in. “You saw how pissed
