“Did you not hear what I just said?”
“It’s a yes or no question, Matt.”
“No, I’m not going on a date with her again. She set me onfire!”
Tanner nodded. “Alright then. But for your next date, youneed to tell me all the details before you go. Agreed?”
“I’m not going to do that. And I couldn’t even if I wantedto. Penny is catfishing people as me. I didn’t even know the girl’s name orwhat she looked like until I showed up for the blind date.”
“Interesting. I’ll coordinate with Penny and then stagerandom bump ins with your suitresses.”
“Please don’t do that.”
“But this way you can still be surprised for a blind date. AndI can keep tabs on the situation.”
Our waiter cleared his throat as he set down a few bottles ofwine. “Should I give the two of you a minute?” He looked shocked by ourconversation.
“Yes,” I said at the exact same time that Tanner said, “Noneed.”
He laughed. “Lovers quarrel?”
For fuck’s sake. What had we just been talking about? Heprobably thought we were in some weird open relationship. “We’re just friends,”I said.
“No need to explain. We’re very discreet. I’ll give you two gentlemena minute.” He winked at us and walked away.
Tanner pulled out a notebook that I hadn’t seen a minute ago.“Good to know that they’re discreet.” He jotted down the note. “That’sdefinitely a plus.”
“Tanner, you let the waiter think that we were dating.”
“Of course. We need the full couple’s experience. I need toknow what it’s like to go on a date here.”
I sighed.
He made an overexaggerated sigh to mimic me. “If I recallcorrectly, you owe me,” he said.
“For finding dirt on Mr. Pruitt? Because as far as I can tellyou have nothing. Besides, you made it seem like you were doing me a favorbecause we’re best friends.”
“Best friends? Ha. Wait until Robert hears about thisconfession.”
Before I could say anything, Tanner kept talking.
“And as my best friend, you can also do favors for me. Andtonight I need you to pretend to be my gay date so we can figure out if this isa suitable place to send couples from the club.”
“I don’t understand why these couples aren’t justgoing on dates at the club.”
“If you’d attend an event, you’d understand.”
“I’m not interested in finding true love.”
“Oh yes, dear,” he said really loudly. “Because you’vealready found it.”
The waiter appeared next to our table with a tray full ofappetizers.
I forced myself not to roll my eyes. It didn’t hurt me to behis gay date for restaurant scouting purposes. It wasn’t the first time Tanner hadasked me to do this and it wouldn’t be the last. And it’s not like he was goingto go over the top with the acting and kiss me or something. He was as straightas me. He only ever greeted strangers with mouth kisses if he got super drunkand started talking in a weird accent. Something about his schooling overseas. Ithink it was a French thing. I knew all this, yet tonight my patience waswearing thin.
Tanner silently started to taste test the appetizers when thewaiter walked away.
“Are you seriously just going to sit there and eat?” I asked.
“They’ll get cold.” He pushed the sampling tray closer to me.
“Tanner, tell me what you found out about Mr. Pruitt. Yousaid it was good. Tell me.”
He patted a napkin against his lips. “Oh, it’s good. I feellike we need a drumroll.” He looked around like he was expecting a drummer tomagically appear for his whim. And when it didn’t happen, he jotted anothernote down in his notebook. “Well, you won’t believe what I found.”
Just freaking tell me! “What is it?”
“It’s so good.”
“Tanner I swear to God.”
He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly. “You’regoing to laugh so hard.”
“Wait, what?” I wanted dirt, not to laugh.
“So get this. I was following him…”
“Did he see you?” For some reason my heart had startedracing. If I got Tanner tangled up in this mess too, I’d never forgive myself.
“Of course not. I’m as discreet as our waiter. I followed himinto this old timey theater that shows classics during the day. And in myhumble opinion, Titanic is pushing the whole classics thing since it feels likethat barely happened a year ago. But this theater is particularly lenient intheir classifications. I think they were even airing…”
“Tanner, focus.”
“Right. The theater doesn’t matter. But what happened at thattheater?” He shook his head with a laugh. “I saw the unthinkable. I mean, I’dbeen trailing the guy all day. He’s a little rough around the edges. But as hewatched Leonardo DiCaprio let go of that wooden door? He started bawling.”
I blinked. “That’s the dirt you dug up? That he cried duringthe Titanic movie?”
“Like a baby. Buckets of tears.” He waved his hands in frontof his eyes to show me like I didn’t understand.
“Yeah, I got you. But how does that help me out of thismess?”
“It doesn’t. But it’s hilarious. Come on. Picture Richard inhis crisp little suit all stoic watching a romantic movie. And then crying atthe end when everyone I’ve ever known is sensible enough not to go on a floatingdeath ship. The propaganda around that boat. I don’t know why anyone bought intoit. I still don’t trust cruise ships.” He shook his head. “Regardless, Richardwas clearly embarrassed about the whole ordeal. And I got a firsthand witnessof the events.”
“How the hell am I going to use Mr. Pruitt crying during the Titanicagainst him?”
“Well, I’m sure he’s embarrassed, or else he wouldn’t havebeen all alone in the middle of the day in a theater so far away from his apartment.”
“Tanner, I have a freaking woman following me everywhere. AndPoppy threatened Scarlett. I need leverage. Or answers. Not…whatever that is.”
“You have to admit it’s funny.” He popped an appetizer intohis mouth. “Almost as funny as this poor excuse for foie gras.” He started writingin his notebook again. “Titanic.” He laughed to himself. “You should have seenit.”
I tried to picture Mr. Pruitt crying during a movie. And
