She frowned. “What about Cade hating you and all those years apart?”
He met her eyes and his heart was in them when he said, “Yeah, that was awful and I wish it had been different, but I could take Cade hating me until I could make him see the truth—however long that took. What I couldn’t stomach was my brother wasting his future and his life on a woman who didn’t love him and never would.”
The remorse in his voice had been palpable. She had felt it crash into her chest and pound against her ribs, and the ache of it brought tears to her eyes.
A small fear had bloomed inside her at that moment. She’d believed Cordell, and Cade would, too. How long would it be before Cade decided to leave for home? His real home in Montana. How long before he left her?
She hadn’t dwelt on it long, but the tightness lodged behind her sternum hadn’t left.
When Cade had walked through the front door, she’d been so happy to see him—and for the inevitable reconciliation she sensed would soon follow—that she’d smiled. It had never occurred to her that Cade would think she’d turned on him, too. Though she’d quickly discerned that the accusation had come from a deep seeded belief that he wasn’t worthy of her affection.
“You know nothing happened between Cord and me, right?” she’d asked later that night as they lay side by side.
“Yeah, I know…” His voice had been low and ashamed.
“And you know I’d never do that to you? That I’m not like…her.”
He turned to her with hard eyes that softened the instant they met hers. “You’re nothing like Jenny.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said that. I was just angry and…confused. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
She found his hand beneath the sheet and threaded her fingers through his. “Thank you. I do understand, though. Seeing Cord again must’ve been a shock.”
He huffed a short laugh and looked away. “Yeah.”
They’d lain quietly, gazing at the ceiling as the snow continued to fall outside and all her fears had come flooding back. Would he stay or would he go? How long before she’d be lying here alone? Before she’d be on her own again, longing for his touch? She wanted to spend every moment she could with Cade, to make memories she could drag out and run through her mind after he was gone. But then, she knew more time with him would only make her hurt worse when he did decide to leave. Her heart clenched with that thought. His departure would break her, but she couldn’t help wanting to be with the man she loved.
Loved? she’d thought, but it was the truth. She could’ve taken him being with her without saying he felt the same, but leaving her? The seesawing of her thoughts—of the not knowing—abraded her nerves and weighed on her heart, and that moment hadn’t been any different.
“So,” she’d said nervously, unsure how else to ask what she wanted to know, “are you…going back to Montana when Cord leaves?”
She felt him stiffen, not just his hand but his whole body. The slight vibration rattled through the bed and told her the question unnerved him.
Trepidation filled her heart.
“Well…” he began, “I’ve been thinking about that.”
“And what have you been thinking?”
He turned his head to meet her gaze and his hand tightened around hers. “I do want to go home, but I want you to come with me.”
Her heart clenched. “I see,” she said and turned away, hiding the sudden burn in her eyes.
He must’ve sensed her distress because he rushed on, “You’ll love it there, I know you will, and there’s so much I want to show you.”
She swallowed through the ache in her throat, but her voice still sounded raspy when she asked, “What about the farm? My farm?” She turned her head, hoping to see…what, exactly? His sudden desire not to go home? She didn’t know.
“You can sell it and get some of your money out of it,” he said. “It’s a bit of a money pit and would take forever for you to get all the repairs done. If you can still afford them…?”
Turning away again, she tried not to grimace. He’d left that last part open-ended, waiting for her to confirm his suspicions, but she couldn’t do that. She wasn’t ready to give it up for someone who’d never intended to stay with her in the first place.
She shook her head and waved her hand. “This is mine. My dream. I worked hard for it and hard times are part of the package. I don’t want to give it up now. I just got started.”
The dejected look that flashed across his face expanded the achy tension in her chest. How could he ask me to leave? This is my home.
She had said as much, but his reply only sunk the knife deeper into her heart.
“We can build a new home. Our own home, our way.”
We? Our? When did they become an item? The last she remembered, he had never meant to stay with her and had planned to hit the road as soon as it was convenient. Their little tryst was just that, a temporary sharing of affection and physical ease. What happened when he got tired of her? If she went with him now and sold the farm, she’d have nothing.
“I don’t think so, Cade. I’m sorry, but this is my home. It’s the one I dreamed of my whole life. I don’t care about the extra work. It’s my land
