I’d spent my whole life trying to fit in, trying to find somewhere I belonged, and here were these four men, men who had their own lives, men who I hadn’t proven myself all that useful to, and they had placed themselves between the danger and me knowing damn well it would probably kill them.
They wanted me—they valued me—and even if I didn’t understand it, it brought back I’d told Lucifer. I’d do anything to keep them safe, and for the first time, it seemed I’d found people who would do the same in return.
So when the reaper did its version of ‘come at me, bro’, I acted on an impulse so deep inside me, I couldn’t place it, had never fully embraced it. It was like a whisper I’d ignored all my life, a part of me I’d refused to ever acknowledge but that had always been there.
The spark along my back that I’d felt before, when I’d turned into some sort of ghost, spread over me. It was stronger this time, though, and instead of fighting it, I threw myself into it.
That same sensation ran over my skin, through my body, down my limbs until my hands faded away, going incorporeal.
Whereas the last time I’d rejected this, this time I gave myself over to it entirely. I threw away all the worries, all the fears, all the desires I had to be normal.
Fuck normal.
I would be whatever I had to to keep safe the men who had risked everything for me.
I moved faster than I could track, able to pass around the men, my feet never touching the ground.
The reaper stilled, staring at me, and I could see it in a way I hadn’t before, as if I could make out details that had been hidden. The fabric was clearer, and it hung forward over a shadowed face.
It spoke, and while the words were still impossible for me to make out, they no longer hurt. It came forward a few steps, but I lifted my hands.
It was then I realized my hands were shadowed and covered in darkness, like a robe. From my palms, a force went out, knocking the reaper backward.
It hissed, then barreled toward me.
Something stirred inside me, like an ancient whisper from somewhere I couldn’t identify. It spurred me on, and I reached for the same power, for what I’d used a moment before to drive it back, but unleashed all I could.
The reaper screamed, this time the sound audible to me.
Instead of being driven backward again, it seemed locked in place for a moment before it shattered, devolving into mist then into nothing.
Had I killed it?
I twisted to find all four men staring at me, eyes wide.
“Ava?” Hunter asked.
I answered, but the words didn’t leave my mouth. It was that pressure in my temples instead, just like it had been when the reaper had screamed.
“I don’t think she knows,” Kase said.
I wanted to ask what I didn’t know but again, the words wouldn’t come.
Grant lifted his hand and waved it into a circle, and a shimmering space of air appeared with a mirror in it.
And there, staring back at me, wasn’t the face I recognized. It wasn’t the dark hair and the green eyes I knew so well.
Instead, a dark figure hovered there, and the undeniable truth hit me.
After all the years of trying to understand what I was, of wondering where my skills came from, the answer was there, and it was one I wasn’t ready for.
I was a reaper….
Chapter Twenty-Three
My knees hit the ground hard, the sharp rocks and sand digging in. Yet, oddly, I liked that, embraced the spark of pain. It reminded me that I was still alive, that I was there, that I was me again.
When I’d been in that other form, I hadn’t been able to touch the real world—I hadn’t been a part of it.
Sure, I didn’t love the pain in my knees or the way my cut hand got dirt in the wound, but at least it was something.
I lifted my head and peered past the men—I didn’t really want to see how they looked at me anymore—to find Lucifer leaning forward, for the first time fully invested in what had happened.
And the way he smiled said he’d gotten exactly what he wanted.
He rose and walked to the edge of the barrier, then raised his voice as though addressing the crowd despite his gaze not leaving me.
“We have a winner. In a rather surprising turning of events, the winner of our competition and the recipient of any favor I am capable of giving is Ava Harlin, our not-so-mortal guest of honor.”
Murmurs from behind him started up—then again, a mortal had just won their precious competition—but a lifted hand by Lucifer silenced them.
“You planned this,” I accused.
Lucifer nodded at the barrier, and it fell. He stepped over the line of rocks, then reached out his hand.
I took it, ignoring that I probably got blood and dirt on him. He pulled me to my feet, staring down at me with far more interest than made me comfortable.
“So I’m going to guess you got what you wanted?” I asked.
“I did, Ms. Harlin.”
“And why did you want it? What did you get out of all of this?”
He released my hand, his lips curling into a cruel and calculated smile. “We will see.”
And that did not make me feel any better.
* * * *
My hand ached, and, for the first time, I wished I’d had a chance to see Kase. Nothing like a little vampire blood to chase away the injury.
Funny, since it wasn’t all that long ago that I had recoiled at the thought of him healing me. It seemed I’d realized there were a lot worse things in the world than a few drops of blood, especially if they managed to do away with the wound.
I wasn’t sure if that was a positive change or not.
I hadn’t looked at or spoken
