So the wiser thing to do would be to keep my distance.
Tristian walked back in just then and I almost gasped, trying to catch my breath. If I could barely keep it together each time he came into view, how was I supposed to simply forget about him and resume normal life after this?
He grabbed more beer from the fridge and sat down at the table.
“I don’t get how you didn’t know about your father’s involvement with Aldo all these years,” he said, sharply snapping me out of it.
It took me a few moments to float back down to Earth. I had to make peace with the fact that Tristian hadn’t even thought about the things my mind was clogged with.
“He hid it pretty well from us, well, mostly from me. I think my mother knew more about it then she let on,” I explained.
Tristian grabbed some more pizza, washing it down with more beer.
“So you had no idea? All through your childhood?”
I shook my head.
“I thought he was a busy man, running a successful business. My father was always protective of me, giving me good advice, encouraging me to focus on an education and think about my career.”
“So you guys were close?”
“I thought so. I always considered him to be a good father. There were so many kids around me who didn’t share that bond with their fathers, and I thought I was lucky. But he lied to me the whole time.”
“Maybe he was trying to protect you,” Tristian said.
“If he really wanted to protect me from all this, he should’ve stayed out of it. Then he wouldn’t have gotten himself killed, and my mother. Then I’d still have my family. I’d still have a life.” I spoke through gritted teeth as I tried to stop the tears from flooding my eyes.
I didn’t want to cry again. I didn’t want Tristian to think I had no control of my emotions.
“Maybe he didn’t have a choice. Maybe he was forced into working with Aldo, the way you were.”
I stared at him when he said that. Honestly, I hadn’t considered it as a possibility. From the moment I found out Dad was involved with the mafia, I assumed it was by choice.
My throat went dry and I remained silent.
“I didn’t know the man so I can’t make assumptions about him, but it sounds to me like you lost your trust in him,” Tristian continued.
“I lost my trust in everyone. My father was the one person I had always blindly trusted. I never questioned his motives. I loved him, and he betrayed me. He’d lied to me my whole life. I don’t think I can trust anyone ever again.”
I sat with my hands balled up into tight fists. My nails dug into my palm as I tried to regulate what I felt. Tried to remind myself this was just a conversation.
Tristian watched me in silence for a while and then he nodded.
“I don’t blame you. I can’t forgive dishonesty either,” he said. It seemed like he wanted me to really hear those words. Like they were a warning.
“Yes, it’s unforgivable,” I replied, thrusting my chin up proudly.
I hadn’t been dishonest with him, but maybe he’d never trust me.
“And that is why I don’t trust anyone, not even you,” I added. I really wanted him to hear my words too.
Ten
Tristian
My family approved of Elsie, that much was clear to me.
If they thought there was anything suspicious about Elsie or she wasn’t to be trusted, they wouldn’t have let me leave the house with her in tow. Someone would’ve called me by now and told me about a plan to take her down or out her.
Heck, they’d practically invited her to have dinner with the rest of them.
I knew Dad had a soft corner for girls who had suffered through loss. Her story about her parents being murdered had reminded him of how we had lost our mother. His beloved first wife. He hadn’t been the same since her murder.
And wasn’t my family’s approval the green light I’d been waiting for?
I should’ve been able to drop my guards around her now, but I couldn’t.
She was just too pretty. She was just too perfect. She had an answer and explanation for everything. She was too smart. I wanted her too much.
Usually when things were this good, they were too good to be true. I’d learned the hard way.
After we finished the pizza and the beers, Elsie asked if she could take a shower.
“Do you need some change of clothes?” I asked.
“That’d be great, but I don’t want to be too demanding,” she replied.
“I’ll just ask Isabelle for some stuff,” I said. “I’ll be back in an hour.”
Elsie went to the bathroom and I left the apartment, texting Isabelle that I was on the way to her apartment.
Even while I drove there, I’d battled with the idea of helping Elsie.
There was a part of me that kept saying I shouldn’t treat her with the kindness and support I showed her. I stood up for her to my family when we first arrived. Maybe they wouldn’t have warmed to her that quickly if I hadn’t set the example.
I couldn’t help but battle with those thoughts. I couldn’t help but recall everything I’d learned over the years of my life. To never trust a girl. Especially not one who made me that crazy with my need to fuck her.
There had to be something up with that.
Just like I should’ve known there was something up with Christie.
We were both eleven. Both just kids. But when she bumped her bike into mine that crispy cold December morning eleven years ago, I looked into her big green eyes and thought I was in love.
She had long blonde hair and freckles on her cheeks. She apologized to me profusely even though she hadn’t damaged my bike.
“What can I do to make it up
