Wanting to show him just how tolerable I do find him, I move to stand directly in his path, less than a foot away. I don’t put up the slightest fight against my urge to place my hands on his chest, going up on my tiptoes and kissing him. He responds right away, slowly at first but then dropping everything to the floor. His hands find their way to the small of my back, pulling me close but still not close enough. Not nearly close enough. That’s all the encouragement I need. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him again and again.
We eventually break apart, out of breath and smirking as we look down at the mess we’ve made. Flowers and food are everywhere. I don’t have time to fully assess the damage before Ryan tugs me forward, drawing my eyes up to his.
“Are you nervous?” he asks.
I pause and think about it. “I don’t think so,” I answer. “Are you?”
“Honestly, I am. This still doesn’t feel real.”
I nod, knowing exactly what he means, barely believing I can look at him and touch him and talk to him like I am right now. Like this is how it’s always been. Like we never stopped.
“When we broke up,” he says, “I used you as motivation to succeed. I thought if we ever saw each other again, I would show you how great I was and you would regret not wanting to be with me. I did everything I could to push you out of my life but really I was keeping you in the center of it—and I was this bitter ex-boyfriend planet just orbiting around you all the time.”
I have to smile before getting serious again. “When I saw you at Cristina’s party, I thought I hated you. It was ten years later, but everything felt so raw because deep down, I still thought about you all the time. Anytime I wrote about love or want or pain in one of my books, I drew on those feelings from what we had. Bits of you and me are layered inside each one of my stories.”
Ryan takes a moment. “So what you’re saying is, you’re not just using me for my body.”
“Oh, no, I absolutely am. I just happen to like you as a person, too.”
We both smile as Ryan leans down to kiss me with a gentleness that makes my head spin.
His hands soon drift around my waist to slip under the bottom of my shirt, lightly rubbing along the skin of my lower back. I do the same, sneaking my hands under his shirt and sliding them up along his spine. I feel the goose bumps there when I repeat the path down again.
“Maybe we should go into the bedroom,” I say, already heading in that direction.
“Or we could stay here.” Ryan pulls me back and moves his mouth to the curve of my neck, hot and insistent. I turn my head to the side to offer more. To feel more.
Through the haze that’s becoming more intense by the second, I look around for Duke. I don’t spot him anywhere, so he must still be asleep in the bathroom. How Ryan managed to end up with the world’s most discreet wingman of a dog, I’ll never know.
I feel bolder knowing we’re alone and start to shift towards the couch. Ryan stops me again.
“Not there. Here.” He looks down at the reading chair and a mischievous thrill shoots through me at the prospect.
“I’ve never done that in my reading chair.”
The tips of his ears turn red and he looks at me with a hungry sort of smile. “I like having your firsts.”
It feels like my whole body breaks out in a blush. He steps into me slowly, brushing my chest with his in his lethal ratio of desperation and devotion. Our mouths fuse together and I twist a hand into the back of his hair. His kisses start out tender but then turn frantic. He pushes a knee between my legs, grinding against me and forcing a needy whine from the depths of my throat.
He breaks away at the sound and begins to step backwards, pulling me with him until his legs hit the ottoman. He nudges it away with his foot and then there’s nothing between him and the front of the chair. I tear at his apron and shirt and he makes quick work of my top and bra. Dragging him down for another searing kiss, I pull his tongue into my mouth and drink him in until I have my fill.
How can this be life now?
His hands drift down to undo the button of my pants and I move away the slightest bit, pulling them down myself along with my panties. Ryan digs a condom out of his back pocket and soon he’s fumbling with his belt, tearing it open, and pushing his shorts and boxers to the floor. I’m pulled back flush against him a second later and his hands cup my bottom as I gasp and arch my back. Ryan sits in the chair, holding my hand and gazing up at me with lust-filled eyes.
Whenever we’re both standing, he’s so much taller—forever towering over me by at least half a foot. I’ve always liked our height difference, and I’ve always secretly liked the idea that he could toss me against the wall and have his wicked way with me if we ever felt so inclined. But now, looking down at him, I’m wondering if this way is better. He’s staring up at me like I could tell him to do anything in this moment and he’d do it. It’s a powerful realization.
Riding my newfound high, I crawl into his lap and straddle him in the chair, adjusting myself until we’re lined up perfectly. I ease myself down little by little until he’s fully inside and his head falls back with a groan. I’m never going to be able
