I’m not sure what prompts me, but I ask, “Did you once think there was?”
After a loud exhale, Liam wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to his side. “At one point I did.”
I feel an all too familiar twist in my stomach at his words. The longing for an enchanted something that’s not there anymore. My head feels heavy and the crook of his arm is as welcome and warm as a pillow. “Do you wish you could go back to when you did?”
“I’m not sure,” he says after a while. “I’m quite happy where I am now.”
“Will you tell me about her sometime?”
Liam smiles down at me. “You’re very perceptive when you drink.”
I nestle more deeply into his side, wrapping my own arms around his waist. “I’m always perceptive. I just only let people know it when I’m drunk.”
Neither of us says anything else after that, simply enjoying the quiet and the view. We stay just as we are for a good thirty minutes before heading home.
When Liam and I get back to my apartment, I don’t think anything of the fact that we’re holding hands. We have since rallied from our calming time at the fountain and are now in the boisterous midst of our second wind. I show him around, giving him a tour of the dining room, the kitchen and the living room.
“Didn’t you say you had two balconies?” Liam asks.
“Yes, I did,” I respond proudly.
“Well, so far I’ve only seen one.”
I have to think about it before I realize that I forgot to show Liam my bedroom. “Oh, duh. This way.” I stride down the hallway until I reach the end and swing my bedroom door open. I enter while Liam hesitates at the threshold. “Come in,” I say, sitting down on my bed.
I flick my shoes off and sigh in the comfort of my feet’s sweet release. Liam walks around me and goes out onto the balcony with his hands buried in his pockets.
Now blissfully barefoot, I hop off the bed and follow him outside. He’s leaning forward, his forearms braced against the wrought iron railing as he looks out onto the street.
“Two balconies, indeed. I’m quite shown up.”
I smile and lean down onto the railing as well. “If you’re ever feeling balcony deprived, you’re always welcome to come over and share.”
Liam’s laugh is so faint that it seems to drift off on the open air. “You’re very unique, Kara. I’ve never met anyone quite like you.”
“Thanks, I think.”
He turns his head and looks over at me, still leaning forward. “It’s a good thing.”
“Well, that’s good, then.”
He shifts his body to face me then and tucks a loose piece of hair behind my ear.
“Do you miss her?” I ask. For some reason, I can’t stop wondering about her, about the woman who, to Liam, was more beautiful than the Trevi Fountain.
“Yes,” he answers, stepping forward until our bodies are touching. “Do you miss him?”
I take a breath at his question. “No.”
“It must be lonelier that way,” he says softly.
I can’t make myself respond. I only continue to look at him, hoping that if I stay still, then maybe I can keep it together. I’m searching his eyes when his hand reaches out to cup the back of my neck. I don’t move as he slowly, gently lowers his head and brings his lips to mine.
I close my eyes and let him kiss me, thinking maybe all of this happened for a reason. Maybe I was supposed to come here and meet Liam. Maybe he and I can fix each other.
I pull my face back, taking a breath as I desperately try to picture the future I could have with him. We wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. We could make each other happy. I look and I look but it’s not there.
No matter how much I try to push them away, buried feelings start to flare up and churn inside me at a debilitating rate. I don’t stop Liam when he lowers his head and kisses me again. I lean in. I reach up. I do everything I can to give myself over to the moment, but I just can’t do it. All I’m thinking about is whether Liam is seeing someone else when he closes his eyes and kisses me. I wonder if he sees her in his mind right now, just as I keep my eyes clenched shut and see nothing but Ryan’s smiling face.
Liam’s hand moves to the small of my back and pulls me more tightly against his chest. For some reason, the movement triggers all the parts of me that are broken and touch-starved, breaking me down and exposing me in a way that I’ve been fighting to avoid. I instantly pull away and bury my face in the front of his shirt, feeling like an absolute failure as I start to sob.
Since the day Ryan walked out of that bridal suite, I’ve done everything I can to force him out of my mind—pushing my detachment skills to the breaking point and beyond. And now, after going on one of the best dates ever with an actual modern-day Mr. Darcy, I’m holding on to this poor guy for dear life like the emotional train wreck that I am.
Liam seems unsure of what to do but soon starts stroking my hair. The tears won’t stop. Maybe they never will. I’m not sure how much time passes when I feel him bend down towards my ear.
“I know I’m rubbish at this romance business but it’s nothing worth crying over.”
I laugh, knowing he can’t truly believe that I am wailing in his arms because of him.
“No, Liam, you’re wonderful. This is all me.” I sniffle from my runny nose and sincerely hope the shirt he’s wearing isn’t expensive. “I just feel like I’m stuck, and I can’t move forward. I mean, here I am with you and I’m
