I snap out of my stupor when I hear Maggie’s screeching voice. “Kara! What’s going on? Should I call the cops?”
I move the phone back to my ear. “Ryan is here.”
She pauses. “Wow. Yeah, okay, call me later!” She hangs up before I can respond. Still in the doorway, I place my phone onto the table above my bike as Ryan walks forward at a leisurely pace.
“Welcome back, Sullivan.”
Countless responses rush through my mind. And somehow, from all the things I can possibly say, I clear my throat and ask, “Why didn’t you use the elevator?”
He continues moving towards me. I inhale and exhale an uneven breath.
“Duke and I dodged the doorman and the stairwell was closer than the elevator. I carried him most of the way, but he did the last two floors by himself.”
I nod, still in shock and unable to get over it. “What are you doing here?” I eventually manage.
He reaches into the travel bag that’s slung over his shoulder and pulls out the draft copy of my novel. “I got an overnight FedEx from Cristina yesterday.”
Crap.
“I called you,” I blurt out. “I called you when I got home and a woman answered.”
“What? When?”
“Two days ago. It was your house line.”
He thinks for a second until something seems to come together in his mind. “If you called the house then that was my sister who picked up. She’s staying with me while her condo gets renovated.”
“Oh.” Yeah, that’s my big comeback. “I thought it was...”
“No,” Ryan says, knowing what I was thinking. “Madison and I broke up as soon as we left the wedding that night, partly at the wedding. We haven’t spoken since.” He pauses. “Except for one time when she called me to curse me out for a few minutes. Which was understandable.”
“Completely,” I agree, my hand still clutching the doorknob.
He keeps looking at me and I can see disappointment starting to spread across his face. “You thought I would have gone to Italy if I was still in a relationship?”
“I didn’t know. After what happened...”
“Is that why you didn’t send me the journal?”
I give a quick nod and Ryan’s eyes fall to the ground. He stays that way for a few seconds until he looks at me again, vulnerable and scared—more vulnerable and scared than I’ve ever seen him.
“I know I said a lot in the letter I wrote with the journal. But I also know that after what I did, they were just words. What I want now, what I’m begging you to give me, is a chance to prove that I mean them.” He takes the smallest step closer but I swear it shakes the floor.
“I really want to believe you.”
“Then believe me,” he says, almost whispering. “Forgive me.”
I grip the doorknob tighter. My heart is pounding.
“I am so incredibly sorry, Kara. Sorrier than I could ever tell you. I messed up at such an intense level and I made it impossible for you to trust me. I see that now. So if you hate me—if you want nothing to do with me, I want you to know that I’ll understand and I’ll accept it. I hate myself for what I did. I know I hurt you but all I want from now on is to make you happy...for you to be happy with me.”
It feels like the air has turned solid in my lungs with only the slightest gasps slipping through. My fingers fall away from the door one by one.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust back. We can just be friends. I’ll move to New York on my own with Duke, and you and I can get to know each other again. I’ll stick to any pace that’s right for you because what’s between us is worth fighting for and I’ll fight to the end if that’s what you want.”
His gaze never falters. His right hand twitches a little and I somehow know he’s stopping himself from reaching out to me.
“Is that what you want?” he asks. His eyes are honest and true. Duke shuffles around by our feet but neither of us looks anywhere else but at each other.
For a second, I see the college version of Ryan. A hoodie and jeans. A backpack and cap. He’s standing across from the bookworm he thinks is so special, and even though we’re not those people anymore, we can always remember that they led us here. We don’t have to live up to their legacy. We can choose to build our own.
“Yes,” I answer, my voice soft but entirely steady. “That’s what I want.”
An awestruck expression streaks Ryan’s face, like he’s about to laugh or maybe cry, but he settles for a hopeful smile instead. “Are you sure?” he asks.
“I’m sure. I can’t promise how fast things are going to go. This is going to take time, but I want to fight for us, too. I know what we have is worth it. You are worth it.”
Ryan swallows and his eyes tell me just how much my validation means to him. The air between us goes from thick and tense to crisp and calm. We can finally breathe, drifting through the moment like we’re floating down a lazy river.
He’s the first to break the spell when he holds up my manuscript.
“So, this was a quick read. I finished it in less than five hours. I only took one break and that was to take Duke for a walk. Surprisingly, I needed some air after all that.” He takes a final step, now standing directly in front of me. “This feels a little more lighthearted than your other contemporaries.”
“I figured I’d try my hand at rom-coms.” Ryan chuckles and I can’t believe that this is my new reality. My book-boyfriend is my real boyfriend. “And just so you know, this is just a first draft. I’m going to change the names and other aspects, obviously.”
“I hope so. Every time you describe me
