“Long story,” Lilli said quickly. “And it doesn’t matter now. We failed the quest. But we still have to get out of here. I’m going to go out there and see if I can find an exit. If not stairs, maybe a hole in the floor. There’s got to be something we jump through or climb down.”
“We’ll go with you,” I said.
Lilli shook her head. “No offense, but you’re terrible at sneaking. I’ll be able to move better on my own.”
I sighed. She had a point. Though I was pretty sure that wasn’t the only reason she wanted to fly solo. My guess was she wanted to check on NPC Ikumi. Maybe put her out of her zombie misery. And she didn’t want me there, telling her she was being ridiculous.
Which I wouldn’t have done, for the record. But try telling her that at this point.
“Fine,” I said, slumping into a nearby chair. “But be careful.”
“And don’t go too far,” Starr added. “You need to make sure you can find your way back.”
“I’ll be fine,” Lilli said, sounding a little impatient. She moved toward the door, opening it and slipping back into the hallway. Starr flew over to shut it behind her. Then she turned back to me.
“You okay, kid?” she asked.
I hung my head. “She’s mad at me.”
“I noticed that. What’d you do? Besides fail a quest, that is. Which happens to the best of us.”
“It’s not just the quest.” I sighed unhappily. “It’s that I froze. Right when Lilli needed me. Let’s just say it’s not the first time it’s happened. Whenever things get crazy, I start… well, I start seeing things. And I can’t always tell if they’re real or just in my head.” I squeezed my eyes shut, remembering Atreus’s face on the zombie’s body. That one had to be in my imagination, right? But the one on the trash mountain—that was real. I think…
I groaned. “That sounds really stupid, doesn’t it?”
“Actually, it sounds about right, considering what you went through in Dragon Ops.”
I opened my eyes. “What?”
“Sorry.” Starr held up her hands. “If you are that Ian, of course.”
I groaned. “I think you know I am that Ian by now.” There was no use denying it at this point, right?
“Yeah,” Starr said with a nod. “I know.” She was silent for a moment. “I also know it’s okay to still feel a little traumatized after what you guys went through. In fact, it’d be weird if you didn’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, I don’t pretend to know exactly what happened when you were in the game. But from what I read, it sounded pretty awful. You were trapped, you were being hunted by a rogue AI dragon, you thought you were going to die. All that kind of stuff—all that trauma? It can change a person. Trust me, I know from experience.”
“What, were you trapped in a video game, too?” I shot back bitterly before I could stop myself. I didn’t know why I was lashing out at Starr. She was only trying to help. But still, I just felt so pathetic. And it was easier to take it out on someone else.
“No. I wasn’t,” she replied. “But let’s just say I’ve gone through some tough times, too. It can take years to recover. And it doesn’t just happen on its own. You have to do the work.”
“Not if you’re Lilli,” I muttered. “She’s totally fine.”
“Is she, though? Girl puts on a good act, sure. But I’m not convinced she’s not hiding some pretty serious issues deep down. Otherwise, why would she react the way she did about the little NPC girl? Like you said, it’s just a computer program. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. But she really took it to heart for some reason. I think that shows you there’s more going on inside than she’s willing to let you see.”
I pursed my lips. Was Starr right? Was my sister still suffering like I was, but was just better at hiding it?
“Have you ever talked about any of it with her?” Starr pressed. “Have you ever told her what you’re dealing with? Or asked her how she’s been doing?”
I scowled, the anger returning. “We’re not allowed to talk about it. With anyone. Even each other. In fact, if they knew I was talking to you about it, I’d be in serious trouble.”
“Well, I won’t tell if you don’t,” Starr said with a small smile. “And if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. I’ll listen. And I promise not to put it on my channel unless it’s really good stuff.” She laughed, holding up her hands. “Kidding! I’m a vault, kid. What you say to me stays in that vault.”
I nodded stiffly, feeling an unwanted tug of appreciation for her offer. Part of me wanted to tell her I didn’t need to talk. That I was fine, no big deal. That she was making way more of this than she needed to.
But at the same time? Man, I did want to talk about it. To her—or anyone. It had been building up inside of me for so long. Like a water balloon ready to burst.
“Thank you,” I said at last, not sure what else I could say. “I’ll… keep that in mind.”
She smiled. “You do that,” she said. “I’m here when you’re ready.”
At that moment, the door opened. Lilli stood on the other side. “Coast is clear,” she announced. “And bonus—I found a hole in the floor we can jump through.”
“Nice!” I cried, stepping toward the door. But then I saw something behind my sister’s back that made me stop in my tracks. Make that someone. “Are you kidding me right now?” I demanded.
“What is it?” asked Starr behind me. “More zombies?”
“Worse,” I said with a sigh. “It’s freaking Josh.”
