“My depression is a lot to deal with.” She blows out a breath. “She is a nasty bitch. Always showing up at the worst times. Making me cranky and antisocial, not letting me out of my bed. I cry over nothing. Literally nothing is wrong and it still feels like my world is ending.”
I refill her glass of water and set it on the counter.
She takes a big drink and shakes her head. “Harry couldn’t deal with it. But we’re not talking about Harry.”
“I really don’t like that guy,” I mutter.
“Join the club.”
She seems better. Less heavy, like the conversation released something. So I have hope.
But she still cries.
Maybe I should go over there. See if I can help. Is that weird? Would it be helpful or intrusive? Maybe she wants to be alone, and I’d just be in the way, or I would say something stupid or do something dumb that would make her feel worse. How could I help? She barely knows me, even though I consider her my friend. She’d probably think it was awkward, some neighbor she barely knows coming over . . . to do what, exactly? How could I help?
I’ve tried everything I can think of and nothing works. Maybe this is one of those things I need to let go of.
And so she cries. Over and over and over again.
Chapter Seventeen
Going back to work is like putting on an old coat. A coat that’s been in the communal closet for three years, smells like moth balls, and probably isn’t even mine but was left by someone else. But here I am.
I’m stuck. And not just in a time loop.
I don’t know how to help Hugo. Nothing I’ve tried works, and I don’t know what to do next. I need a break, to take a step back, and then the universe will show me some signs, or whatever. I’m not giving up on him, I’m just setting it aside for now. Hugo’s tears, every night, after I’ve tried over and over to make him happy. It’s . . . depressing.
Besides, maybe taking time off work has given me new perspective. And also, I really want to tell Mark off.
I’m different now. This time things will change.
“Jane, you just don’t fit.”
Sigh. This again. “Right. Thanks. I’ll see myself out.” I gather my papers and head for the door.
“Jane, wait,” Stacey calls out as I’m crossing the threshold.
I turn around.
“That actually wasn’t bad.”
Blade clears his throat and she cuts him a look.
“If you find another job in marketing, if you keep putting that kind of effort and care into your ideas, you’ll do just fine. It was a good idea.”
“But not good enough to keep my job.”
Stacey sighs and shakes her head.
Drew snorts.
“Thanks anyway.” I push open the door and shut it behind me.
That was new, I guess. But I’m still fired.
Ugh. I lean against the wall, contemplating my next move. I need to go home and give Hugo the outfit.
I can’t hear them talking in there. Maybe if I could listen while they discuss my situation, I could come up with a new plan to work through whatever they hate so much about me, but all is quiet. Something tells me they decided to fire me no matter what my pitch was. Of course they did. How did I not see it before?
I will probably keep getting fired, no matter what I do. I could have the most awesome idea in the whole known universe. It doesn’t change the past four years. Every time I could have volunteered for a project but didn’t because it meant talking in front of people. Every time I had to present an idea and stumbled and stuttered and screwed it up. Every time I shunned my coworkers. It’s hard to work well with people when you do everything in your power to avoid speaking with them.
I’m so involved in my own thoughts, I forget about the next part of this day.
“Hey. Jane. Come with me.” Mark grabs my hand, tugging me from against the wall.
I yank it away and step back. “Mark. Make like a tree and fuck off.”
His mouth pops open. “What?”
I can’t help but grin in response. And laugh. I can’t believe I did it. Queen Bee was right. It’s effective. And simple. No confrontation even, because he’s too shocked to respond.
I walk away, leaving him alone in the hall, gaping after me. It’s possible I sashay a little. I did it! I told someone off without barfing or running away! I’m changing. Maybe that means time will change. It has to mean something, right?
I move through the main area, but then I’m stopped by Presley. “How did it go?”
“Not so good.”
“Oh no. Do you want to talk about it? We could take an early lunch.”
I stop, eyeing her hopeful smile. She’s always been nice to me. Every time I go into work, she asks me to lunch and I always say no.
“Actually, yes. I would like to. But I have to take care of something first. How about I meet you? Have you been to Saffron? I hear they have the best shawarma.”
Her brows lift, surprised. And then she grins. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”
I head out the front doors, walking down the street toward the pay phone at the next corner.
Footsteps slap the pavement behind me. My heart rate increases.
Alex.
“Hey, Jane. You okay?”
I spin around, greedy eyes taking him in. The old T-shirt. The messy hair. The concerned eyes.
All I can think about is kissing him.
Which sounds sweet, but it’s not a delicate feeling, it’s hungry and visceral, a living thing inside of me.
“So, how did the meeting go?” he asks.
I open my mouth to speak. I want to tell him I was fired. Just so he’ll invite me to his show and I’ll have the opportunity to see him later.
More than anything I would love to forget the world by making out with Alex. But I can’t.
“It was fine.”
“Are you all
