I shrugged. “These things happen.” I never did understand the point of doing anything for practice. If I was going to do it, I needed it to be perfect the first time. My little way of making my parents proud even though they weren’t there to see me.
I rolled my lips over my teeth, trying to contain the giggle. Addie’s eyes went wide.
“Oh my God, I need details about Marcus. First of all, what are we working with?” She waggled her eyebrows.
I barely stifled a giggle. “You know that moment when you reach into your date’s pants and you pray, like really pray, like you call on the Holy Mother, and Buddha, and the God you haven’t seen since Christmas, 2000?”
She nodded.
“My prayers were answered.”
She howled and cackled with laughter. “Oh my God. Yes, thank you dick gods. Thank you for listening. I feel like we need to sacrifice a goat or something.”
With a chuckle, I said, “You sound like my mother.”
She gave me a soft smile before I even realized what I had said. It was in reference to my mother, which I never did.
“That is the highest compliment.”
“You didn’t even know her.”
“No, but I know how reverently you talk about her, if you talk about her at all, which is rarely and almost never. So if you brought her up, then that’s great.”
I sighed. “I know that look on your face. You’re giving me that look that says you think Marcus is changing me.”
“Isn’t he?”
That was a good question. And by the way, how many ways had he changed me? I felt like me. I looked like me. Like I felt it deep inside. That shift. Even after Roz had gotten me into her section and I finally had family again, there was a part of me that always felt a little like… I don’t know… like I was separate. Not really part of a whole. And I didn’t know why I felt that way. Roz had always made me feel like I was her own. And everyone in the section had made me feel the same way too. Like I was legacy. Like they were all my family. But still, every now and again, I would get that feeling that said, this is not your family. They were my friends, and they were the family that I’d made. I just wondered what my parents would have thought of this life. Sometimes I envisioned going to their graves and telling them all about my life. How I’d grown up, who I was now, and that I saved lives and did something important with my life. But I could never go back to their graves on the off chance that somebody was following me.
A few times, I’d gone back to where I’d grown up in Massachusetts and walked through the cemetery, visited graves near theirs, but never theirs, because Lyra Adamson didn’t exist anymore. Her parents had died when she was eighteen. She’d lived with her aunt for a year, who hadn’t been particularly keen on taking care of her but had done so out of some sense of duty. And then, when she turned nineteen, Lyra Adamson disappeared, and Lyra Thomas, Lyra Burton, and Lyra Wilkinson were born.
“So, you let him win?”
Her question dragged me out of my reverie. “No, I let him show me how to fight. It’s different. And by the way, he’s had Krav Maga and jujitsu training, so it’s kind of amazing really. Plus, I get to reinforce my fighting skills with his techniques.”
“Yes, but his jujitsu and Krav Maga twice a week does not equate to your years of training.”
“I know, I know. It’s just nice to have something worthwhile to do while being in that situation, you know?”
She studied me. “Lyra, you’re not falling for him, are you? Like, actually falling? Not just in the God, it’s so nice to finally bone someone who knows what to do with his dick kind of way?”
“No, it’s not that serious. I’m just enjoying it. I never get to do that.”
“Well, in that case, I’m happy for you. Enjoy the ride.”
I smacked her on the shoulder. “Addie!”
“What? What a wild ride it must be.” She gave me a cheeky grin and waggled her eyebrows.
I snorted a laugh. “Oh my God, you’re impossible.”
“Yes, but I’ve never been more accurate. Look, a little friendly advice though?”
I sighed. “Let me guess, you’re going to give it to me whether I want it or not?”
“Yeah, because I love you. I think this is great. Dating, meeting someone, but there is a reason why The Firm doesn’t want us getting too close to people. You’ve got to find a way to keep some emotional distance. You understand that, right? I’m just worried because you seem like you’re not keeping as distant as you should.”
I met her gaze and saw that her blue eyes were filled with concern and worry. “I’ve got it, Addie, I promise. I won’t lose my head.”
“Famous last words.”
As I turned my attention back on the quaint Spanish stone house in the corner, I wondered if she had a right to be worried. I wanted Marcus, but was I putting him in danger? If Control thought that I was getting too close to him, they’d put a stop to it, one way or the other. So I needed to be careful before I lost my heart and he lost his life all in one blow.
Chapter 15
Marcus
I had Lyra on the brain. I was in the office for a briefing that had temporarily pushed Stannis Prochenko to the back burner, and I could swear I still smelled her coconut and lime scent.
It was wishful thinking.
For the first time in a long time, I hadn’t wanted to get out of bed. I’d almost been late to the briefing, thanks to my need to be near her. That gravitational pull that I couldn’t fight anymore.
Leaving her to come deal with a
