“How can I know that for sure? Everything is so awful every way that I turn, it all must be a bad dream!” she exclaimed. Sath said nothing but continued his rumbling purr. “I am the Nature Walker, but I can’t contact the All-Mother like my ancestors did. I do not know who to trust anymore, so I trust no one. I am a Guardian, so I shouldn’t have to ask for help from anyone. I cannot contact the other Guardians when I need to ask help. That leaves me horribly and painfully lonely, and I feel some days that my soul is destroyed beyond belief.” Tears ran down her face. “And it never gets better. It should, the laws of the universe say that it should even out, and I should catch a break, and things should start to look up for me, but they never do. How do I feel safe anywhere when I trust no one but myself? You should have left me in Bellesea Keep—or with Ben—but you always come for me! Why? Why do you keep bringing me back to this ghastly existence?!? I cannot do anything to make amends for my mistakes. I cannot find a stable life or constant love. Why, Sath, can you not just let me go?” Gin’s words dissolved into long, hitching sobs. Sath remained still, watching her until she quieted. Her words were fueled by the dream more than reality, but so much of what she said rang true that she couldn’t stop herself.
“May I speak now, because that needs an answer?” he asked. Gin nodded as she sniffled. “The reason I keep bringing you back, the reason I always come for you, and I will always find you is that I love you, simple as that. You have broken my trust and my heart. You have betrayed me, my house, and my son. And yet without you, I barely know who I am.” He paused to let his words sink in—this was the most vulnerable he had been with her—or probably anyone, for that matter. The feeling of dangling over the edge of a cliff was growing in her chest. “You make me want to be a good father, and a fair Rajah—so that I am worthy of you.”
“Sath,” Gin whispered, awestruck. “I am hardly worth that sort of sentiment. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, Sath, I truly do, but -” Sath let out a frustrated roar, and Gin flinched. She could feel him in the bond and knew how close to the edge they both were, and it was not the time for that conversation. Not yet. “We need to move on from here. I am afraid that Josiah will try to follow us, so we must sneak out now, under the cover of night. It’s not like I will sleep anymore tonight anyway. Let me scout the hallways to see if we are in the clear, at least?” She projected as much understanding as she could at him in their bond, and Sath nodded in response. “Be right back.”
“Be careful,” he whispered. “Be careful.”
Sath?
Yes, darlin’?
I love you.
I know.
He settled back in their bond to listen and Gin smiled. Not quite so close to that edge. Not quite.
Twenty
No More Room at the Inn
Gin walked briskly down the hall as she tried to remember what the landscape looked outside the inn. It felt as though they had been there for weeks when it was actually only one night and not even a whole one at that. In truth, she was having trouble focusing on anything but Sath. He was a calm yet attentive presence in the back of her mind, and he loved her. Miraculous, that’s what he was. She certainly hadn’t expected his reaction to be anything but disgust when she told him about her time with Ben.
Finally, she reached the dining room near the entrance and found a few of the human men that seemed to be on staff in the inn, eating their nightly meal at one of the tables. “My Lady Nature Walker,” they said, standing at attention at her approach.
Your reputation precedes you.
Stop it, Your Majesty. I need to concentrate.
Gin could feel Sath’s rumbling amusement, and it made her smile. “Please, be at your ease,” she said to those gathered at the table. “I merely need some information, and then I will leave you to your meal.”
“Anything, you need only ask,” one of the guards said as he smiled at her. Gin noticed that the smile not only did not go to his eyes, but his eyes seemed to stop just short of her chin. She wished that she had thought to put on her traveling cloak—her tunic was thin and by this point in their journey, a bit threadbare in parts.
“I need a set of maps if any of you have them to spare? The territory is unfamiliar to us,” Gin said, as she pointedly folded her arms across her chest.
“I did offer the lady my services as a guide if you do not have maps to spare.” Josiah appeared from behind one of the columns in the room. Gin cursed herself for not checking her surroundings more carefully.
“Hello again, Josiah,” she said, mentally willing him to go away.
Before you start, Sath, YES, Josiah is here, and I’ve got this, so -
I didn’t say anything!
You felt it really loudly. And stop growling.
“I have been concerned about you, my Lady,”
