‘Hooray,’ cried Jasper, clapping loudly at this stirring peroration, ‘Hear! hear! splendid!’ The villagers turned and looked at him in amazement. Eugenia gave him a flashing smile.
‘Now, Britons,’ she continued, ‘do you wish to ask any questions? If so I will devote ten minutes to answering them.’
The yokels stood first on one foot and then on the other. Finally one of them removed a straw from his mouth and remarked that they had all enjoyed Miss Eugenia’s speech very much, he was sure, and how was His Lordship’s hay-fever?
‘Better, thank you,’ said Eugenia politely, ‘it always goes away in July, you know.’ She looked disappointed. ‘No more questions? In that case I have an announcement to make. Anyone wishing to join our Union Jack Movement can do so by applying to me, either here or at Chalford House. You are asked to pay ninepence a month, the Union Jack shirt costs five shillings, and the little emblem is sixpence. Would any of you care to join up now?’
The yokels immediately began to fade away. Already they paid two shillings a year to Lady Chalford towards the Conservative funds, and twopence a week for the Nursing Association; they failed, therefore, to see why any more of their hard-earned money should be swallowed up by the Malmains family. Jasper and Noel, on the other hand, snatched at this heaven-sent opportunity to ingratiate themselves with the heiress. They sprang forward and announced in chorus that they were anxious to be recruited. Eugenia’s face lit up with a perfectly radiant smile.
‘Oh, good,’ she said, coming down from her tub. She then began hitching up her skirt, disclosing underneath it a pair of riding breeches, from the pocket of which she produced two recruiting cards and a fountain-pen. ‘You sign here – see? You have to promise that you will obey the Captain in all things and pay ninepence.’
‘I promise,’ said Jasper.
‘It’s all very well,’ said Noel, ‘I suppose that’s O.K., but look here, who is the Captain? Is he a nice chap? Couldn’t I promise to obey him in most things? He might want me to do something very peculiar, mightn’t he?’
Eugenia looked at him with lowering brow, fingering her dagger. ‘You had better be careful,’ she said gloomily. ‘That is no way to speak of the Captain.’
‘I’m awfully sorry,’ said Noel, nervously eyeing the weapon. ‘I’ll never do it again. Right then, here’s my ninepence.’
‘Lend me a bob, old boy,’ said Jasper.
‘Sorry, old boy,’ said Noel.
‘Don’t be a cad, you swine,’ said Jasper, kicking him gently on the shin.
‘Here, don’t kick me,’ said Noel.
Eugenia looked from one to the other. Her sympathies were clearly with Jasper. ‘Are you perhaps unemployed?’ she asked him, ‘because if you are it’s only fourpence.’
‘Am I unemployed? Is unemployed my middle name? Lend me fourpence, old boy.’
‘Sorry, old boy.’
‘I will lend you fourpence,’ said Eugenia suddenly, ‘but you will have to pay me back soon, because what I really came down for this afternoon was to buy two twopenny bars at the village shop.’
‘Bars of what?’
‘Chocolate, of course.’
On hearing this Noel was naturally obliged to produce fourpence for Jasper. Eugenia then persuaded him to pay for both their Union Jack shirts and little emblems as well. He thought that Fate, as usual, was being wonderful to Jasper, who was quite obviously top boy in Eugenia’s estimation, and who now capped all by suggesting that they should repair to the village shop in search of twopenny bars. While Noel paid for the bars he realized that the credit for them was going to Jasper. He decided that he must return this old-man-of-the-sea to London as soon as might be.
‘I’ve never seen you before, do you live near here?’ Eugenia asked Noel, as they all emerged, munching twopenny bars, from the village shop.
‘No, we don’t, we are just staying at the Jolly Roger for a few weeks, or at least that is to say I am staying for a few weeks. My friend, Mr Aspect here, has to leave tomorrow, quite early. It is very unfortunate.’
‘Don’t you believe it,’ said Jasper shortly, ‘not now I’ve met you, I’m not leaving. No such thing.’
‘Oh! good,’ said Eugenia, ‘it would really be too sad if you had to go, just when you’ve joined the Movement and everything. You’re the type of young men I need in this village, keen, active, energetic.’
‘That’s me,’ said Jasper.
‘Besides, you won’t be busy doing other things all day. I have some wonderful members in my detachment, but, of course, they are all working boys, except my two Union Jackshirt defenders you saw just now dealing with that old female Pacifist. I thought they did it very bravely; she would have razored them up for twopence, no tricks are too filthy for that gang, it seems. Yes, what we need here is educated people of leisure like yourselves, for canvassing and platform work. That’s why I’m so particularly glad you’re staying on.’
‘I suppose you are Eugenia Malmains?’ said Jasper. ‘I used to see you riding about the village here years ago when you were under the age of – quite a kid you know. You lived alone with your grandparents then.’
‘I still do, worse luck.’
‘Always down here? Don’t you ever go to London?’
‘No, you see, T.P.O.F. (that’s what I always call my grandmother, it stands for The Poor Old Female) says that nobody would speak to us in London if we did go. T.P.O.M. (The Poor Old Male, that’s my grandfather) used to go up to the House of Lords, before he had his stroke. As he was stone deaf it didn’t matter so much whether people spoke to him or not. It wouldn’t matter to me a bit, either, because I know the comrades at the Union Jack House
