‘No, Mrs Cozens, no. I have some literary sense – Fauntleroy on his pony, gallant little figure, the wind in his golden curls, all right, and if my uncle had had the sense to get me over from Canada when I was younger we should have seen that very thing, I’ve no doubt. But the gloomy old don on Rosinante is quite another matter, and I can’t face it.’
‘Which gloomy old don?’ asked Norma, with interest. ‘But it makes no odds, she’d never get there. Twenty miles, now I come to think of it – and I expect she’s as lame as a cat.’
She went to the fence and peered over.
‘Those hocks –! You know, it honestly would be kinder – Oh, very well, very well. If nothing I can say will make you understand that the animal would be far happier dead, you’ll have to get the horse-box. Shall I ring up Stubly now, on Fanny’s telephone, and see if he can come round at once?’
‘No! You wouldn’t do that for me? Oh, dearest Mrs Cozens I can only say – angel! What a miracle that I met you!’
‘Lie down,’ she said, to the Borders, and went indoors.
‘Sexually unsatisfied, poor her,’ said Cedric, when she had gone.
‘Really Cedric, what nonsense. She’s got four children.’
‘I can’t help it. Look at all those wrinkles. She could try patting in muscle oil, of course, and I shall suggest it as soon as I get to know her a little better, but I’m afraid the trouble is more deep-seated. Of course, I feel certain the Professor must be a secret queer – nobody but a queer would ever marry Norma, to begin with.’
‘Why? She’s not at all boyish?’
‘No, dearest, it isn’t that, but there is a certain type of Norma-ish lady which appeals to queers, don’t ask me why, but so it is. Now supposing I arranged for her to come over every Tuesday and share a facial with Sonia, what do you think? The competition would be good for both of them, and it would cheer Sonia up to see a woman so much younger, so much more deeply haggard.’
‘I wouldn’t,’ I said. ‘Norma always says she can’t stick Lady Montdore.’
‘Does she know her? Of course, I doubt if anything short of a nice lift would fix Mrs Cozens, but we could teach her “brush” and a little charm to help the Waynflete Prof. to do his work a bit better, or failing that, and I fear it’s rather a desperate hope, some nice Woodley might come to the rescue. No, darling, not One,’ he added, in response to a meaning look from me. ‘The cuticles are too desperately anaphrodisiac.’
‘I thought you never wanted to see her because she reminded you of Nova Scotia?’
‘Yes, I thought she would, but she is too English. She fascinates me for that reason, you know how very very pro-English I am becoming. The cuticles are rather Nova Scotian but her soul is the soul of Oxfordshire and I shall cultivate her after this like mad.’
Some half an hour later, as Cedric went off, sitting by the driver of the horse-box, Norma, panting a little from her efforts with the mare who had stubbornly refused at first to get into it, said,
‘You know, that boy has some good in him after all. What a shame he couldn’t have gone to a decent public school instead of being brought up in those shocking colonies.’
To my amazement, and great secret annoyance, Cedric and Norma now became extremely friendly, and he went to see her, when he was in Oxford, quite as often as he did me.
‘Whatever do you talk about?’ I said to him, crossly.
‘Oh, we have cosy little chats about this and that. I love Englishwomen, they are so restful.’
‘Well, I’m fairly fond of old Norma, but I simply can’t imagine what you see in her, Cedric.’
‘I suppose I see whatever you see,’ he replied, carelessly.
After a bit, he persuaded her to give a dinner party, to which he promised to bring Lady Montdore. Lord Montdore never went out now, and was sinking happily into old age. His wife being provided with a companion for every hour of the day, he was not only allowed but positively encouraged to have a good long nap in the afternoon, and he generally either had his dinner in bed or shuffled off there immediately after dinner. The advent of Cedric must have proved an absolute blessing to him in more ways than one. People very soon got into the habit of asking Cedric with Lady Montdore instead of her husband, and it must be said that he was much better company; they were going out more now than when Cedric first arrived, the panic caused by the financial crisis was subsiding and people had begun to entertain again. Lady Montdore was much too fond of society to keep away from it for long, and Cedric, firmly established at Hampton, weighed down with many large expensive gifts, could surely now be shown to her friends without danger of losing him.
In spite of the fact that she was by way of being unable to stick Lady Montdore, Norma got into a perfect state over this dinner party, dropping in on me at all hours to discuss the menu and the fellow guests, and finally imploring me to come on the morning of the day to make a pudding for her. I said that I would do so on one condition, she must buy a quart of cream. She wriggled like an eel not to have to do this, but I was quite firm. Then she said would the top of the milk do? No, I said, it must be thick rich unadulterated cream. I said I would bring it with
