I remember one icy day of late spring I ran into Mrs Chaddesley Corbett, walking down the Turl with an undergraduate, perhaps her son, I thought, chinless, like her.
‘Fanny!’ she said. ‘Oh, of course, darling, you live here, don’t you? I’m always hearing about you from Cedric. He dotes on you, that’s all.’
‘Oh,’ I said, pleased, ‘and I’m so very fond of him.’
‘Couldn’t like him more, could you? So gay, so cosy, I think he’s a perfect poppet. As for Sonia, it’s a transformation, isn’t it? Polly’s marriage seems to have turned out to be a blessing in disguise for her. Do you ever hear from Polly now? What a thing to have done, poor sweet. But I’m mad about Cedric, that’s all – everybody in London is – tiny Lord Fauntleroy. They’re both dining with me this evening, I’ll give them your love, shall I? See you very soon, darling, good-bye.’
I saw Mrs Chaddesley Corbett perhaps once a year, she always called me darling and said she would see me very soon, and this always left me feeling quite unreasonably elated.
I got back to my house and found Jassy and Victoria sitting by the fire. Victoria was looking very green.
‘I must do the talking,’ Jassy said, ‘Fa’s new car makes poor Vict. sick and she can’t open her mouth for fear of letting the sick out.’
‘Go and let it out in the loo,’ I said. Victoria shook her head vehemently.
‘She hates being,’ said Jassy, ‘anything rather. We hope you’re pleased to see us.’
I said that I was, very.
‘And we hope you’ve noted how we never do come nowadays.’
‘Yes, I have noted. I put it down to the hunting.’
‘Stupid you are. How could one hunt, in this weather?’
‘This weather only began yesterday, and I’ve heard of you from Norma, hunting away like anything up to now.’
‘We don’t think you quite realize how bitterly offended we feel over your behaviour to us the last year or two.’
‘Now, now children, we’ve had this out a thousand times,’ I said firmly.
‘Yes, well, it’s not very nice of you. After all, when you married we rather naturally expected that your home would open up all the delights of civilized society to us, and that sooner or later we should meet, in your salon, the brilliant wealthy titled men destined to become our husbands. “I loved her from the first moment I saw her, the leggy little girl with the beautiful sensitive face, who used to sprawl about Mrs Wincham’s drawing-room at Oxford.” Well, then, what happens? One of the richest partis in Western Europe becomes an habitué de la maison and are we thrown at his head by our cousin, naturally ambitious for our future, does she move heaven and earth to further this splendid match? Not even asked to meet him. Spoilsport.’
‘Go on,’ I said, wearily.
‘No, well, we’re only bringing it up’ – Victoria here fled the room, Jassy took no notice – ‘in order to show our great magnanimity of soul. The fact is that we know a very interesting piece of news, and in spite of your Counter-Honnish behaviour we are going to tell it to you. But we want you to realize that it is pretty noble of us, when you take everything into account, his flashing eyes, his floating hair, only seen in the distance, it is such a shame, and I must wait for Vict. to come back or it would be too unfaithful, and can we have some tea, she’s always starving after.’
‘Does Mrs Heathery know you’re here?’
‘Yes, she held Vict.’s head.’
‘You don’t mean to say she’s been sick already?’
‘It’s always thrice – once in the car and twice when we get there.’
‘Well, if Mrs Heathery knows, tea will appear.’
It appeared simultaneously with Victoria.
‘Fanny’s loo! The bliss! It’s got a carpet, Jassy, and it’s boiling warm, one could stay there all day. Crumpets! Oh, Fanny!’
‘What’s this news you know?’ I asked, pouring out milk for the children.
‘I like tea now, please,’ said Jassy, ‘which shows how long since you saw us. I like tea and I almost like coffee. So the news is, Napoleon has left Elba and is on his way back.’
‘Say it again.’
‘Dense. Nobody would think that you were a hostess to the younger cosmopolitan intellectual set, noted for her brilliant repartee.’
‘Do you mean Polly?’ I said, light suddenly dawning.
‘Very bright of you, dear. Josh was out exercising this morning and he stopped at the Blood Arms for a quick one, and that’s what he heard. So we came dashing over to tell you, Fanny, in sickness and in health, so does one good turn not deserve another, Fanny?’
‘Oh, do stop being such a bore,’ I said, ‘and go on telling. When?’
‘Any day now. The tenants have gone and the house is being got ready, Lady Patricia’s sheets and things, you know. She’s going to have a baby.’
‘Who is, Polly?’
‘Well dear, who do you think? Not Lady Patricia. So that’s what she’s coming back for. So are you admitting that it was handsome of us to come over and tell you?’
‘Very handsome,’ I said.
‘So will you invite us to luncheon one day soon?’
‘Any day you like. I’ll make chocolate profiteroles with real cream.’
‘And what about closing our eyes with holy dread?’
‘Cedric, if that’s what you mean, is in London, but you can close them at Jack Boreley,’ I said.
‘Oh, Fanny, you brute. Can we go upstairs and see dear little David?’
7
The weather now became intensely cold, and much snow fell. The newspapers came out every day with horror stories of sheep buried in snowdrifts, of song-birds frozen to the branches on which they perched, of fruit trees hopelessly nipped in the bud, and the situation seemed dreadful to those who, like Mrs Heathery, believe all they see in print without recourse to past experience. I tried
