We continue staring at each other long after I finish the meat.
It’s not just mere curiosity anymore, I want to know him—really know him—and how he came to be here on this ravaged world where there shouldn’t be any sentient life to begin with.
I’ve seen no alien spaceships.
“Will you get me a blanket?” I whisper.
His eyes dip for a second, and I cover my chest. But then he’s gone and soon returning with several pelts. He hands me one and tucks the others around my body, saving the last one to bind my feet. Afterward, he bandages my deeper wounds with fresh cloth and cleans the strips of the old ones in the same basin my feet were bathed in. We settle in the front of the bunker.
“You should rest,” he tells me.
“I’ve slept enough.”
“You’re still recovering.”
“And what about you?” I see the wounds on his tail and the cracks in the scales around them. They’re fleshy and red and swollen. They look painful.
“Me?”
“Your tail.” I reach out and touch it. “You’re hurt too, Vruksha.”
“I heal quickly. This is nothing compared to what I can truly endure.”
“I don’t…”
His eyes snap to mine. “Don’t what?”
“I don’t want you to endure anymore on my part,” I whisper and look down, unable to hold his eyes. It’s the truth. It pains me seeing he’s hurt too. That he’s suffering and not resting because of me. I’m such a burden.
You lose your job if you become a burden. You lose everything else after losing your job.
“Female,” he growls. “I will endure far more than this for you. This—” he indicates one of his gashes “—is nothing compared to what I’m willing to sacrifice for you. What torment I’m willing to face.”
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice anything at all!”
I don’t know where the words come from, but it’s true.
He slides up against my body, and while I try to lean away, his tail is still behind me, holding me upright. I’m trapped.
“I have nearly lost you twice. Once with Azsote. A second time with Zhallaix. And if I hadn’t gotten to you in time, I would have lost you a third time. Do you know what I would do if I lose you?”
I shake my head.
“I would kill everything in my path until something or someone puts me out of my misery. I never wanted a female because of this, of how they make their mates crazy. I saw what happened to my father, but as I grew and he left, I realized why females are so important. It is why I would do anything, anything to keep you. Now that I have known you, I wonder how my father lived for so long after my mother died.”
“But—” I swallow, asking the one question that has plagued me constantly, “Why me?”
“Life, sweet mate, there’s no life without you. Not on this world or any other, I am certain. What’s the point if there’s no life? You are my life.”
My brow furrows. “I don’t understand…”
“How could you? Living up in the stars where there are more worlds than this to choose from? My people are dead, long before we thrived. We are lonely, without ever knowing companionship. I don’t want to live without life anymore. I don’t want to be alone.
“When I saw you walk off your ship, at first I did not know what I was seeing. Another human male? A robot? But it was your hair that captivated me. And the way you lifted your face to the sky and smiled? I was mesmerized. You glow in the sunlight, little female, and I have never rested my eyes upon anything so sweet. Why you, Gemma? Because you stole my breath. You stole my life when you turned and found me in the forest.”
He says this with a haunted expression that weakens me. I tear my gaze away. I do not glow. It’s hard to look at him when he stares at me like I’m the reason the stars exist. He’s completely devoted himself to me.
My throat tightens. It hurts. He makes me hurt. I press my hand to my chest, gazing at the ruby scales of his tail.
How I wish I could paint him… Though I do not think I own a vibrant enough red to do Vruksha justice. I could keep him with me forever if I painted him. “I know what it’s like to be alone,” I say quietly.
I don’t know how else to respond.
“You do?”
I rub my lips together and nod. “Not like you, here. Loneliness is different up in the ships most humans live on. You’re surrounded by metal, plastic, glass, and cold space. And it makes you cold too because there’s no warmth up there. We’re crowded together, and there’s no escape, so it’s easier to put walls up, to keep everyone at a distance despite being surrounded all the time. Everyone is alone up there because everyone has these walls around them…”
“Then take them down?”
“You can’t. If you do, you get burned, you lose respect, and you lose rank. But it’s easier being alone amongst others, than being alone without anyone.” I force my gaze to meet his eyes. “Vruksha, I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
I bite down on my tongue, trying to find the words. “Because…”
“—Don’t. Don’t say it, Gemma.”
I inhale.
“I don’t want to hear it,” he hisses.
He lifts me in his arms and carries me deeper into the bunker, back to the pile of furs and pelts. He places me gently atop them.
And suddenly, I’m bone tired. And sad.
He knows why I’m sorry.
That despite everything he is, the marvels of this place, and everything he has done for me, including giving up his life, I can’t stay. I’ll never be able to stay.
Not while Daisy is out there, lost. Not while Peter and Collins remain on Earth. And not when there’s a chance that others from The Dreadnaut will come looking for us.
That they could hurt him.
I can’t keep Vruksha, because of this.
And he can’t keep me.
Nineteen
Reflections and
