Was I? I thought so. Even apart from visiting a different world every couple of days, it was nice to leave people behind with their problems and just be myself for a while.
But it was equally nice to return to the city, the warm apartment, and the fancy restaurants. And with Mespana’s salary, I rarely had to worry about the prices.
“Sometimes I dream about traveling beyond,” I said, “to some of the old worlds. See all the wonders I only read about. Ancient civilizations and all that.”
“Why don’t you?”
I smiled wistfully. “I can’t. Since my dad died, there’s no man in the house, so I have to help my mom and sister every once in a while. Do the heavy lifting.”
I then remembered there was no home for me to go back to, and I felt my heart clench. Before I succumbed to despair, though, the sorcerer came up with another question.
“Have you tried to consider this an opportunity?”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s nothing holding you back now. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you want.”
I wished it were that simple, but I still had a family to care for. I hoped, in time, they would be able to return, although I knew our lives would never be the same. We could start again somewhere, maybe even in Sfal. Although, I wasn’t sure my mom would agree to live in the city. I wasn’t keen on it either. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the city sometimes. But I equally liked getting back to the country, the simple house built by my dad from scratch, and fields green with vye and gilded with maak. I needed balance, I guess. A little bit of the city, a little bit of the country, and a new world to explore every once in a while. If I could travel farther away, that would be a bonus, but I was fine.
Except now my comfortable existence was over. Our farm was deserted, my family banished. And it seemed like I made an enemy out of the kar-vessár. Now that my head had cooled down, I realized I acted like a total fool. My insides clenched and, not for the first time in my life, I wished I could run away, leaving everything and everyone behind.
Desperate for distraction, I looked to the plain before me and tried summoning the memories of it from before the rebellion. Before I knew it, I started talking, not sure if to myself or to the sorcerer, “Around this time, namia would flower. It has these big, purple flowers you can spot from the other side of the world. Maak and sabha would be fruiting together—tall, proud maak with green threads of sabha trailing between the stalks, heavy with berries. Coclaxi trees from Llodra would shed their petals, filling the air with their scent.”
“I don’t even know what that shit is,” he laughed, sending a pang of anger through my chest. “I’m not the best person to talk about such things with. Last time I was here, I couldn’t breathe from all the pollen. I think one good thing the whole rebellion brought was clearing the air.”
“How can you live like this?” I sized up at his pale, lithe figure and thought, for all the similarities, we may as well be coming from different species. “You left your city, settled outside, and yet you keep to yourself, eat the synthetic shit. Most of you can’t even breathe without those masks. And you do nothing about it!”
“Arbitrary bullshit,” he replied smoothly. “I can’t do anything about how I was raised. I still remember seeing an old guy walking outside for the first time and getting anaphylaxis from the pollen. He died before anyone knew what was happening. So sorry, but I’m not parting with my mask. And I can’t help being disgusted when I see you eating gods-know-what.”
“Have you ever tried natural food?”
“No, and I’m not going to. I hate this sludge as much as you do, but at least it’s safe.”
“Come on, you’re a sorcerer!”
“It’s hard to think of a proper spell when you’re choking.”
“There must be a way around this.”
“They say it gets better once you survive your fifteenth shock,” he joked, but then his smile faded, and he sighed deeply. “Look, maybe there is a way, but we don’t know it, and doing research is rather tricky when every misstep can cost someone their life. So, I guess we’re stuck with it.” The corner of his lips curled up again, and he sent me a mischievous glance. “But you know, certain proteins get transferred to a semen, so in a way, I can taste natural food.”
I felt the heat rising to my face, and this time, he actually laughed before patting me on the shoulder.
“I’d love to stand here and chat with you all day, but I’m afraid my helpers have finished with the kites.”
He looked pointedly at the sky. I followed his gaze and noticed that, indeed, there were no more stray triangles dotting it.
“I better go check on them before they get any silly ideas.”
“Which cohort are you even in?” I asked, remembering his lack of insignia.
He wave-shrugged. “My own.”
I arched my eyebrow, prompting him to elaborate.
“I’ve been to a few, but no one could put up with me, so now I answer directly to Myar Mal,” he explained.
“You don’t even have a partner?”
As soon as the words left my mouth, something in Tayrel Kan shifted. His smirk all but vanished, his eyes darkened, his whole posture became rigid. Had I imagined it or had his scars become deeper, angrier?
“No.” His voice was low, and strangely blank. “I don’t have a partner.”
As quickly as the change came, it disappeared, and he reached for another tchalka. “But now I’m working on this super-secret project for Myar Mal. I’m not supposed to talk about it.”
He fixed his eyes at me, and I got a feeling he was expecting something. But I didn’t know what, and it’s
