His face scrunched and all the words died in my throat.
“I didn’t ask for this,” he murmured.
Not sure what to say, I only nodded. Much later I realized it was meant to be an apology.
* * *
I was actually doing pretty well. Chiefly because I decided to start with something easy—the equipment. I went swiftly through all of our bikes (luckily, none were destroyed; a few got damaged, but our mechanics assured me they could fix them in around an hour), then the special weapons that also remained undamaged.
But that left the hardest part—going through our personnel. I needed to go to the field hospital for the list of the deceased, but before I could do that, the tingling of magic ran down my back.
“Aldait Han, please come with us.”
My body stood and turned around without any conscious input from my side. Adyar Lah was waiting a couple of steps behind me, along with some other man I didn’t recognize. Both sported almost identical grim expressions.
“What happened?” I asked. At least I could still use my mouth.
But my question was ignored, and the two led me inside one of the tents. A perfectly impersonal place that could be anything. I wondered which of them was casting the spell controlling my body. Whoever was doing that, made me sit in the center, making both men tower above me.
Psychological dominance, I realized, and paradoxically felt a bit better. As they say, seeing through someone’s trick was half-way to defeating them.
Well, if you ignore the fact that I was fucking arrested.
“What happened?” I asked again.
“Myar Mal suffered an anaphylactic shock,” explained Adyar Lah, and it came at me like a bucket of cold water.
“How?” I stammered, but at some level I knew, I just didn’t want to—couldn’t—admit that…
The world around as was burned to the ground. The only possible allergens had to be brought from the outside.
“That’s what I’d like to know.” Adyar Lah’s words barely broke through the jumble of my thoughts. “There was a carai-nut in his water.”
At this point, my jaw dropped, and I gasped for air. Carai-nut. Carai-nut!
“And yesterday, you were seen threatening all vessár-ai with one of them.”
My head was spinning, so I lowered my gaze to the floor, desperately grasping for any semblance of stability.
His shadow fell on me as he leaned over and whispered menacingly: “So let me ask instead: how did that happen?”
“I didn’t do it,” I rasped, breathing heavily, screwing my eyes shut. I didn’t do it. That’s one thing I knew for sure. My muscles ached and I realized I was trying to rock against the magical restrains. “Look, I’m… I’m an idiot who never knows when to shut up, but I’m not… I’m not a murderer.”
“Aren’t you?” He arched his eyebrow, leaned back, and crossed his arms, and I wanted to scream, shout in his face, or just punch him. Then I felt all the emotions draining from me and realized that whoever was controlling my body, was also reading my mind. The things he must have seen there would haunt me for a long time after that.
“Why would I even do that?” I asked, sounding unnaturally calm, even to myself.
They couldn’t charge me without a motive. And maybe I had a reason to wave that nut around—although I was the first to admit I often overreacted and did stupid things when I was angry— killing someone was another matter.
“Everyone knows you had a row with Myar Mal.”
I closed my eyes. “Did I?” I asked weakly.
“You threatened him—”
“I didn’t.”
“And he left you out while nominating a new vessár.”
“From what I understand, there was voting.”
“Which he initiated. Against protocol.”
I didn’t know that, but it didn’t matter. This was outside of my scope of authority, and I was ready to accept it, like every other decision ever made by my commanders. Shit, I didn’t even want that position, I didn’t want to be nami either, but it all happened too quickly for me to refuse.
“Even if I wanted to get rid of him, why would I do that in the most conspicuous way possible?” I asked, not willing to give up. “Someone’s trying to frame me, don’t you see that? You keep pumping me, when the real killer is out there, getting rid of both of us with one strike!”
“Calm yourself, Aldait Han.”
I hadn’t realized I was screaming. I exhaled, struggling to stop my body from shaking. Another idea popped in my mind.
“It’s because I’m Tarvissi, right? You all still think I’m only waiting for an opportunity to betray you?”
“That’s a possibility we’re considering, yes.” His tone was frigid and my stomach dropped. I was hoping to catch him off guard.
“You fail to consider one thing,” I said. “Other Tarvissi were ready to torture and kill me; why would I ally myself with them?”
“I don’t know, Aldait Han. Maybe they changed their minds.”
“But why would I change my mind?”
“From a misplaced sense of superiority?”
I froze.
“What?!” I managed to stammer.
Where did that come from? I studied his face, hoping to find some hint that all of this was some fucking joke.
He wasn’t laughing.
“From what I’ve heard, you tend to keep to yourself,” he said. “Not mingling, not talking to anybody. Why’s that?”
“I’m not a sociable person.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know, I’m just not good with people. It’s not a crime.”
“Or you think yourself better than us?”
“No!” If I refrained from social activities, it was because of anxiety. I knew I was gonna screw something up and it was… it was just safer this way. “I didn’t have friends among the Tarvissi, either.”
“Huh. It’s convenient everyone who could dispute that is out of Dahls.”
“So is everyone
