At what point did this ridiculous idea start to make sense? When did he convince himself that he could actually do this? Was it when Claire persuaded him to apply for a couple of new roles which offered remote working and he thought there was nothing to lose? Was it when he started going for interviews, just to see what was out there, while still telling himself that it had nothing to do with going to France and more to do with furthering his career? Was it when a big tech firm offered him a role with a package far better than what he’d been expecting? Was it when Claire wrapped her long, slim legs around him, put her lips to his ear and whispered that he turned her on more than any man she’d ever known? Or was it when Kate turned her back to him in bed again and he realised he was no longer in love with his wife?
Either way, just a couple of months after that first conversation when he had all but laughed at Claire for suggesting something so stupid, he found himself accepting the new job and handing in his notice at work. As he did it, he felt like he had temporarily slipped into someone else’s shoes and his life was not really his own anymore. He told his boss that it was time to move on, that he needed a new challenge and although he had worked at the company for years, she hadn’t batted an eyelid. She had simply accepted his resignation, shaken his hand and wished him well. After all, people moved jobs all the time these days.
Only a couple of close friends at work knew the truth. They weren’t surprised to hear about Claire because they’d known about the affair for months, but they’d still been pretty stunned when he told them the plan, over a pint in the pub near the office one evening after work. He knew he shouldn’t have told them but he couldn’t help himself. He was like a little child with a secret he had to share or else he would burst. His colleagues had both met Kate a few times, but their loyalty was to him and he knew they wouldn’t breathe a word. Still, they had urged him to think about it very carefully.
‘You can’t come back from something like this,’ Dan, a happily married dad of three had warned him. ‘She won’t forgive you. And the girls, you’ll never have the same relationship with them. Just think about it really carefully. You’re risking everything for Claire. Are you sure it’s worth it? Is she worth it, mate?’
Even Carl, a permanently single womaniser and not usually one for morals when it came to affairs of the heart, had told him to tread carefully. ‘She could turn the kids against you,’ he said. ‘You hear about it all the time; it happened to a friend of mine. He had to take her to court and the whole thing was a shitshow. Now he only sees them every other weekend and they act like they don’t want to be there half the time anyway. He’s absolutely gutted and I don’t think he’ll ever really get over it.’
Pete had listened to his friends’ warnings, but they weren’t enough to deter him. He knew what he was risking and he knew what Kate’s reaction would be when she found out. Apoplectic was an understatement. But it was too late now – Claire was his drug and he was hooked, and he had already gone past the point of no return.
But the doubt still niggled at him, despite his conviction, so for a while he had been thinking about a contingency plan where he didn’t give everything away at first. He would tell Kate what she needed to know, that he had met someone else, that he wasn’t happy and that he was going away for a bit to sort his head out. It was all true, after all, and it gave him a way back, he reasoned, if he got to France and realised it was all a big mistake.
Obviously, Kate would be livid when he returned and he knew she might never forgive him – and even if she did it would be a long road back to reconciliation with endless bloody marriage counselling – but it didn’t feel as final as telling her that he was moving country permanently to be with another woman. She’d never forgive him for that. It would be game over and he wasn’t quite ready for that finality yet. Was he being a coward? Was he simply putting off the inevitable? He didn’t know but right now, living in this glorious moment, he didn’t care.
Once he’d hashed it out in his head, he was fairly satisfied with his plan but there was one flaw – he knew he didn’t have it in him to lie to her face. They’d known each other for more than fifteen years and he’d collapse like a house of cards and give away his hand under her interrogation. So instead, he had thought of leaving a note for her which told her everything she needed to know for now, while he went to France and established if the fantasy lived up to the reality, if it was really over between him
