When she had first gone to France she had been incandescent with rage at Pete and the way he had betrayed her so brutally. But her anger towards him had dissipated in the time that they’d been apart. She’d started looking at the situation from his point of view and realised that she’d been asking too much from him by wanting him to move away from his children for her. She’d pushed him too far and paid the price. But maybe if she offered him an alternative solution – they could stay in London, live apart even, and he could be close to his children and be a bigger part of their lives, he might reconsider. She had wondered many times if he missed her. She desperately hoped that he did but there was only one way to find out. It was like taking a protective bandage off, being back here again and she felt exposed and vulnerable. But she had to know one way or another – she couldn’t go on with the rest of her life until she knew for sure whether he had said no to the move to France or to her entirely.
The train pulled into Highgate, Pete’s stop, and she jumped off. Up on the street, she opened Google Maps on her phone and started following the directions towards Muswell Hill, where Pete’s family home was. All around her were mums heading towards the open space of Highgate Woods, pushing babies in prams or helping toddlers with scooters. She felt like a foreigner, completely excluded from this life, this other world that Pete was a part of. A wave of uncertainty washed over her. Had she made a huge mistake in coming here? Should she have left him alone? Too late to back out now, she told herself resolutely, and she continued following the directions on her phone, each step bringing her closer to Pete.
She reached their street, a typical suburban, tree-lined road with pretty red-brick townhouses and searched for Pete’s house. And then there it was, right in front of her, number 8. It was a lovely house, she thought grudgingly, Kate had clearly put a lot of effort into it. It looked immaculate, with grey-potted olive trees on either side of the stained-glass front door and a beautiful pendant light hanging down from the porch, where two neat little sets of wellies sat side by side. A family home, that’s what it was, she realised with a sinking heart, Pete’s family. She swallowed the bile that was creeping up into her throat.
What now? She looked around. She couldn’t just knock on the door without knowing who was in, she needed a safe space to watch and wait, somewhere she wouldn’t be seen.
Glancing across the road, she spotted a little alleyway which led down the side of a house. She put her head down and headed towards it, leaning against the brick wall. Yes, she could see the house from here but she looked a bit stalker-ish. She hadn’t really thought this through very well, naïvely assuming that there would be a coffee shop opposite the house that she could camp out in, but this was a residential street and there was nowhere to hide.
I need a car, she thought, and pulled out her phone to search online for the nearest rental company.
Two hours later she arrived back in the street, parking her hired grey Ford Fiesta a little way down the road from Pete’s house, where she had a good view of the front door but wasn’t too conspicuous. She leaned back in the seat, took a deep breath and waited. She felt like a police officer on a stakeout and wished she’d bought more snacks, but she didn’t have to wait too long before the first sign of activity. Just after 3pm a woman left the house and hurried off down the street. It must be Kate. She studied her carefully, this woman who she had never really thought of as competition, or thought of much at all, to be honest, until the day Pete had chosen her over Claire. Since then, she hadn’t been able to think of much else. There was no denying that she was attractive and she certainly knew how to dress. She was wearing skinny jeans and a long grey coat, accessorised with an oversized silk scarf. She looked glamorous but understated, perfect for what was probably the school run given the number of other mums walking down the street in the same direction, pushing younger children in prams and chatting together.
Once again Claire felt a pang of jealousy at not being a part of this other life, where it seemed to become a member you had to have a big house, a wealthy husband, at least one child and to shop at Boden.
She looked at the clock and guessed that she had about half an hour before Kate returned with the children. Now was her chance. She sprang from the car and strode towards the house, feeling the nerves building up inside her with each step closer. When she reached the path that led to their front door she panicked and almost kept on walking but then she steeled herself. She might not get another opportunity like this. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door, realising that she had no plan whatsoever
