“So, you’d basically sexually harass her? Make her uncomfortable? Maybe get her to quit the job before she starts? How is that better than my method of ignoring any attraction until I have it subdued?”
“Because it’s honest and leaves the door open for, I don’t know, happiness. She deserves for you to be upfront with her. And maybe you’d just agree that there’s a time and a place for any kind of romantic thing.”
“I never said anything about romance.”
“Oh. Or you could just go that way. With the cold bastard, you’d mess up my childcare plans, it would’ve just been sex anyway, I don’t give a shit about your routine. That is definitely one way to keep her away from you. I know you, bro. That’s not who you are. So why are you acting like a—well, like a frigid hardass who only cares about business and doesn’t want any complications?”
“Because if you change the word ‘business’ to ‘my daughter’, it’s accurate. Because I don’t want complications or some weeping woman who professes her love to me all the time and—”
“Yeah, I forgot how inconvenient that shit is,” he laughed. “Are you trying to convince me you’re a dick? What makes you think—and I realize you’re above-average looking, and you have money—what makes you think Rachel would fall in love with you instantly and desperately? She’s always been pretty independent, boys on the side type. I have never in all my life seen her have to chase after a man or like, run after your truck howling about her devotion. Give the woman some credit,” Noah scoffed.
“Fine, you have a point. If I didn’t see potential with her, I wouldn’t be acting like such an ass about it. I want to make sure there’s no misunderstanding. No flirting, no longing looks or innuendo. Nothing to make her think I’m interested because—”
“Because you are.”
“Well, exactly. Because I am, but I can’t be. It would be a mess and it would upset Sadie. I haven’t brought a bunch of women into her life. I’m not going to raise her like that.”
“No, you’ve lived like a monk most of the time. Is that how you’re teaching her about healthy relationships in adulthood? Showing her you sacrifice everything for your kid?”
“Of course not, and that’s not what she’s learning. She’s learning that I love her and protect her and put her needs above everything.”
“Great. Definitely. And don’t ever let her catch you having a date or a friend or a romance. Because then she’d think those were possible in her life, too. When obviously you want her to grow up lonely and self-righteous in a cabin like you.”
“I did not grow up—”
“Lonely and self-righteous? Let me check the scorecard on that—yes, you did. Rich kid who didn’t get attention, decides he’s better off on his own. Semi-control freak single father who runs his own business and is determined to answer to no one. Scared to let anyone get close.”
“You need to apply for Dr. Phil’s job, Noah. You’re full of shit and he’s already got sponsors who like that,” I said.
“You’re a terrific guy, my best friend, and that’s why I’m honest with you. You deserve the truth, which is you’re not living your life.”
“Because I don’t have a different woman in my bed every week?” I challenged.
“No, because you don’t let anyone in except me and Denise and she’s moving away. Sadie’s getting bigger. She’s gonna have friends and birthday parties to go to and her world is supposed to expand as she grows. You can’t keep her at home in the mountains all the time.”
“She is not isolated. She goes to the park. We eat at the diner.” I felt a little defensive. Had I been keeping Sadie all to myself so she wouldn’t get hurt? Or so I wouldn’t?
“You’re a great dad. No kid could ask for a better one. And I’m not saying buy the kid a car or something stupid. I’m saying, you could socialize more, bring people around, go places, take her along. Open up a little bit.”
“Is there a workshop or seminar you’re giving on how to live my life or just this one-time TED talk?” I snarked.
“Fine, be defensive. I would be, too. I’m not telling you how to live your life. I’m telling you there isn’t only one right way. You can consider something other than Saint Max of the Mountains, a celibate hermit, raises his daughter far from civilization.”
“I never said I was a saint at all. And I’d appreciate if you’d warn me the next time you’re going to bust my balls about how I parent.”
“Your parenting is good. I know that. And I know after you get over being offended, you’ll think about what I said. How you’re allowed to enjoy life and go out with women if you want to. You’re even allowed to tell Rachel you like her, and you want to bone her, and she should feel free to contact you about that.”
“Right. That works on women now? ‘Hi. I’d like to bone you?’”
“Maybe use nicer words. Like, I bet your pussy tastes incredible.”
“You’re the worst,” I shook my head. “Why did I ask for advice from you? Why?”
“Because I’m your only friend. Because you’re a forest-dwelling loner who is couple bad decisions from being a suspect on a crime show,” he joked.
“Right. I’ll keep to the straight and narrow then.”
“Hire Rachel but give her the courtesy of telling her how you think of her.”
“I’d prefer to keep references to sex acts out of the job interview,” I said.
“You are so prissy. What if she says yes?”
“What if she sues me for making improper advances?”
“I don’t think she’s the lawsuit type, but I’ll let you decide
