“I didn’t eat kid food. I got in trouble once for picking the egg off a Cobb Salad though. Does that count?”
“No. That’s weird. Did you wear a bow tie all the time or something?”
“Not literally, but pretty much.”
“That doesn’t sound like any fun. Sadie has a much better childhood than that.”
“Thank you, it’s my main goal, for her to have the kind of fun, free childhood I didn’t.”
“I think you’re winning at life. She’s a terrific kid, and she isn’t afraid to speak her mind around you, which says a lot. She trusts you and feels comfortable being herself because she knows you love and accept her. That’s a great thing. I love my parents. They’re good people who did their best, but I would’ve been smacked in the mouth growing up if I’d questioned my parents. Don’t get me wrong, Sadie isn’t disrespectful at all. She’s very natural and sweet and precocious. I’m just saying, I’m glad you’re raising her the way you are. She deserves to get to be herself.”
“You got smacked in the mouth?”
“It’s shocking I still have lips, yeah. And it didn’t even stop me from having a smart mouth. So they went to all that trouble for nothing.”
“I don’t mean to criticize your parents, it’s not my place. But they shouldn’t have smacked you for asking questions.”
“I’m sure they meant well. What did they do to you? Take away your calculator and make you wear itchy knee socks?”
“I had to double my practice time if I was uncooperative.”
“Basketball?”
“Piano.”
“Oh,” she said, “did you like playing piano?”
“No, I hated it. But my mother had a relative who was a famous composer and thought I might show promise at music. I didn’t. I just spent seven years taking lessons and practicing for hours.”
“Just to be told you weren’t any good? That’s harsh.”
“It was—a massive waste of time. I didn’t enjoy it, and I only had the skill that comes from rote memorization.”
“Sounds like fun,” she said sarcastically. “I think I’d rather be smacked in the mouth than spend years on a piano stool.”
“Sadie won’t experience either. Unless she shows an interest in music.”
“Is your family involved in her life at all? I’m not trying to overstep.”
“They’re not. Neither is her birth mother. We don’t speak of it, but the woman who gave birth to my daughter was—not someone I was in a serious relationship with. She found the demands of parenting to be too much and left her with me. She has not been a presence in Sadie’s life, and her parental rights were signed over long ago.”
“That puts a lot of pressure on you. Doing it all alone. Most people have grandparents or aunts and uncles to fall back on in a pinch. It must be—nerve-wracking and lonely.”
“Not at all,” I said too quickly. “I like the way things are. If you’d told me ten years ago I could have this kind of life, I’d never have believed it. But having Sadie gave me the motivation I needed to make a major change and choose some things for myself.”
“That’s amazing. I’m gonna overstep all over the place right now so brace yourself, Max. Knowing a little of how you grew up, and what a departure this must be for you, living in a cabin in the woods and cutting down trees, building your whole life around raising your daughter on your own—it’s pretty damn impressive that you’re doing this. It was really brave.”
Rachel smiled in a way that softened her face, that stunned me. I felt like she saw me, like she understood even a fraction of what I’d given up, the changes I’d made. The curves of her pretty face were transformed into something serene and beautiful that seemed totally out of place in my living room, like she belonged in a painting on a museum wall, with that gentle, wise smile on her lips.
I wanted to kiss her more than I’ve ever wanted to kiss anyone in my life. More than when I was club-hopping at twenty-two and picking up runway models. More than anyone, ever. I caught my breath because I could almost feel it, the brush of my lips over the sweet curve of her mouth, her gasp of surprise that would let my tongue slide in her mouth. Then it would be anything but sweet—a hot, wet, passionate kiss we wouldn’t come up from for hours. I shifted uncomfortably on the couch, aware of how hard I was. I swallowed and didn’t know what to say to her.
“I made it weird, I know,” she sighed self-deprecatingly. “But it had to be said. You did a really good thing, and Sadie’s wonderful. I’m really looking forward to spending time with her.”
“She’s looking forward to it, too. And you didn’t overstep. I was the one who shared too much about my upbringing and about Sadie’s origins. It wasn’t necessary, and I apologize. I won’t make any more personal confessions going forward.”
“Is it just me or has tonight been a lot of promising never to do things again?” she said with a smile. I felt relieved by her reaction, and I nodded.
“We’re learning our way. It’s new,” I acknowledged. New and way too easy, I thought ruefully. Talking to her came so naturally, and I had overshared without meaning to. She had responded, warmed to me, and it just went to show how susceptible I was to her particular attractions that my whole body had canted toward her and turned hot and hard. I wanted to press her down into the cushions, feel every curve of her body pressed to mine, the rise and fall of her breath and her hands in my hair. It was a wild impulse, and I clenched my fists waiting for it to pass.
“Don’t—bring any friends over,” I said.
“I hadn’t planned on throwing a party at your cabin,” she said with a chuckle.
“I mean—a boyfriend. No men.”
“Wow, really? I’m not going to bring
