“Or maybe you’re experiencing some cabin fever.”
Aster glanced at us, and Varn pretended he was looking at his boots. “Smooth,” I told him.
“Should I go for it?” he whispered.
“Sure. Why not?” To be a fly on the wall during that conversation. If Aster didn’t deck him, I’d be shocked.
“You’re messing with me, aren’t you?” He shoved me, and I had to laugh.
“She’s on your crew, and you’re about to head into battle. You think it’s a good idea?” I glanced at Jade and told myself to stop being distracted. She was my friend and shipmate. Plus, what could she even find interesting about me?
Varn must have caught the subtle motion. “You’re hitting her checkpoints, aren’t you?”
It was my turn to push him. “Shut up.”
“Jade Serrano. What a surprise,” he said, getting close to my ear. “I’ve seen the way you stare at her. You’re so transparent.”
Aster and Jinx stopped what they were doing. “Now look what you’ve done. Can you keep it down?”
“Okay, but you have to admit how much you want to—”
Instead of punching him, like I really wanted to, I gripped his arm. “Fine. I have feelings for Serrano. Is that what you want to hear?”
Varn shook free. “Not really. I thought you just wanted to get some. I’ll never understand wanting to be in a relationship.”
“Is that so?” Aster was behind us.
“Son of a… You’re quieter than a cat.” Varn placed a palm to his heart. “Can’t you give a guy a warning?”
“What are we talking about?” Jinx asked.
I pointed to the side of the room, at Luther and Jade. “Can we stay quiet? She hasn’t slept like this in days.”
Aster’s mouth formed an O. “Now I see what this is about.”
Jinx was perplexed. “Can someone fill me in?”
“Hawk’s got a crush.” To his credit, Varn did whisper it.
I rolled my eyes at them. “This isn’t for public consumption, okay? Can we drop it?”
Aster walked around me, mimicking feline movements. This drew Varn’s gaze again. “So it’s true. Hawk does have a heart. I wasn’t sure, after what you did to Bello.”
Jinx still appeared lost, but he listened closely. It was tough to remember how terrible he’d looked when we’d picked him up from Titan. Even with his beard growing back, he seemed like a new person. Attentive. Not constantly squirming with his fingers. His eyes were focused. His cheek had stopped twitching beside his upper lip. He was obviously still dealing with his mental illness, and I made a promise to myself to ensure that he got further treatment when we returned to SeaTech after this was all completed.
“What did you do to Bello?” Varn wiggled his eyebrows. It was like talking to a teenager in the locker rooms after a race. “She is a good-looking…” He stopped when both Aster and I glared at him.
“I didn’t do anything—”
“Hawk left her. In the middle of the night. He’d spent two years begging her to date him, and the next two getting her to fall deeply and madly in love with him. Then, when things were as serious as you could possibly expect, he packed his things, threw them onto that piece of junk hauler, and vanished.” Aster had never forgiven me, even if Bello chose to.
“You mean Crapicious?” Varn laughed at his joke.
“Capricious, you dolt.” I cracked my knuckles, loathing this conversation.
“Why would you jump ship from her? She seemed like a great woman,” Varn told me.
“She was… but you don’t know the whole story.” I stared at the floor.
“Then tell me,” Aster demanded. “She’s my best friend. She was heartbroken—”
I’d had enough. Bello wasn’t mine to protect any longer. “It was her, dammit.”
Aster stepped up to me. “What are you saying?”
Luther peered over, as if sensing trouble. I lifted a hand, letting him know I was fine. “Bello. She cheated on me, Aster. She’d been sneaking around with Grid behind my back.” It was good to finally tell someone.
“Impossible. Not Bello. The way she cried when you…” Aster frowned and bit her lip.
“If she was crying, it’s because she was feeling bad about what she did. Not because I ditched her.” That had been the lowest point of my life. I’d loved her with everything I had, but I wasn’t enough for Bello. She’d known Grid her entire life, both of them among the few to be born in the Wastes. They were forever bonded.
“I don’t believe you,” Aster said.
“I don’t care.”
She took a seat at the side of the room, and I joined her. “I’ve been such an ass,” she admitted. "Here I was taking my anger out on you, when it was her fault. Can you forgive me?”
“Sure. You were watching out for your friend.”
“I kind of thought she moved on a little too quickly. And then I resented Grid for swooping in right after you disappeared. I guess I should have caught on then.” Aster’s scar stopped her one brow from lifting.
“Like I said. Water under the bridge.” I wanted to be done reminiscing.
“Damn, Hawk. That’s harsh. I hope you’ve made up for it since. Nothing better than flying solo,” Varn told me with a wink.
“That’s none of your business.” There had been a few wild nights, but after Bello, I’d never allowed myself to get too close to anyone.
I checked the time and climbed from the chair. “If the inquisition about my love life is done with, I’m going to bed.”
They stayed where they were, whispering as I climbed into the bunk near Luther’s. He turned his tablet off and set it down. “Everything okay?”
“As good as it could be. See you in a few hours.” I closed my eyes, knowing it would be a while before I fell asleep.
____________
Eight Years Ago
Catarina Kelley stormed the hallways with purpose. Preston waited for her to arrive and watched over his shoulder to ensure Garret Breaker was nowhere in sight.
“Did you secure it?” Preston could already tell from the glint in her eyes that she had.
Cat handed
