‘Joe?’ Amy said.
‘Is this . . . I don’t know, Amy . . .’ I finally spluttered. I looked out at the children for a moment and the vision of them playing, unaware, calmed me enough that I managed one coherent thought. ‘Is that supposed to excuse it?’ I asked, turning back. ‘Is that it?’
‘Excuse it?’ Amy said.
‘Yeah, is this, things haven’t been right with us so I perfectly justifiably fucked our friend’s husband?’
‘No,’ Amy said. ‘No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. And he’s not . . .’
‘Not what?’
‘Nothing,’ Amy said. ‘Nothing. Forget it.’
We remained in silence for a moment and when she eventually looked up at me, she simply shrugged.
‘I don’t know what you want from me here, Amy,’ I said.
‘Nor do I,’ she replied. ‘That’s the problem.’
‘It seems to me that there are only two options really,’ I said, trying to simplify things for her. She seemed so lost, the poor thing, I was actually feeling sorry for her. ‘Either you’re sorry and you regret it. And in that case we try to—’
‘I need more time, Joe,’ she said, interrupting me. ‘I’m sorry, but I do. I need more time.’
‘OK,’ I said slowly. ‘I guess that’s the third option I hadn’t thought of. More time for what, though?’
‘Look, I’m going to take Ant to the airport. He’s changed his flight and he’s flying home tonight.’
‘What?’
‘I’m taking Ant—’
‘I heard you, Amy,’ I said. ‘But that doesn’t make sense. His wife’s here. His kids are here.’
‘I know,’ Amy said. ‘But I can’t decide what he does. That’s between them, don’t you think?’
‘Um, I don’t know,’ I said, struggling to work through the ramifications. ‘I am slightly involved in this whole equation too, you know. We are. I mean, we’re going to be stuck here with Heather and the kids. And that’s not exactly ideal, seeing as we have our own shit to work through.’
‘I’ll be back tomorrow,’ Amy said, as if she hadn’t been listening to me at all. ‘Once I’ve sorted myself out.’
‘Oh! You’re going too, are you?’ I asked, my anger rising. ‘That’s nice.’
‘I told you. I have to take him to the airport. And I’ll be back by tomorrow.’
‘No,’ I said.
‘No?’
‘No, I don’t approve of this . . . this . . . plan. I’m not staying here with her while you two fuck off on a little trip together.’
‘We’re not going on a little trip,’ Amy said. ‘I’m taking him to the airport.’
‘Well, I don’t agree,’ I said.
‘I don’t think you have much of a choice, actually.’
‘Maybe we should all go home, then,’ I said. ‘Maybe we should pack our things, and all go home right now.’
‘Well, you could,’ Amy said. ‘If that’s what you want. But I’m going to stay on for a few days. I don’t feel ready to go back home yet.’
‘Christ, Amy,’ I said. I couldn’t believe that she’d torpedoed our holiday so thoroughly. ‘Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?’
‘But you’d have to leave right now,’ she continued. ‘If you did want to leave. Because Ant’s flight is at four and I need to get moving.’
‘I don’t give a shit about Ant’s flight.’
‘Joe,’ Amy said. ‘Listen to me.’
‘Oh, I’m listening,’ I said. ‘But I’m not liking what I’m hearing so much, you know?’
‘Let me take him to the airport. That at least gets Ant out of the equation.’
‘His wife, Amy,’ I said. ‘You’re forgetting his wife and his daughters.’
‘He’s leaving her,’ Amy said quietly. ‘She doesn’t know that yet, but he’s leaving her. And they’re not actually married anyway.’
‘Oh Jesus . . .’ I said. ‘You two really are best mates, aren’t you?’
‘So let me get rid of Ant, have a day to clear my head, and then you and me can take it from there, OK?’
I frowned at her. A thought was manifesting with sudden clarity. ‘You’ve discussed all this, haven’t you?’
‘Discussed what?’
‘The state of Ant’s marriage.’
‘Of course,’ Amy said. ‘Otherwise how would I know?’
‘Have you discussed ours, as well?’
‘No,’ she said. I didn’t believe her.
‘Are you leaving me, too? Is that it?’
‘No,’ she said again, and I managed for the first time in a minute or so to take a gulp of air. But then she continued, ‘Maybe. Look, I don’t know, Joe. That’s why I need some time alone.’
‘Wow,’ I said, whispering through my hand. ‘Just wow.’ Suddenly it was all too much for me. My rage was submerging every other emotion and I needed this exchange to be over, otherwise I was scared I might lose control completely. ‘You know what, Amy?’ I said. ‘You’re right.’
‘Right about what?’
‘You should go. You should definitely go.’
‘Oh, OK,’ she said. She looked disappointed, and I wondered what she’d hoped I would say.
‘Because if you don’t leave, right now, I . . . I’m not sure what might happen.’
‘Listen, Joe,’ she said.
‘No,’ I said. ‘I’ve listened to enough of this shit.’
‘No, seriously, listen,’ she started.
‘No, seriously. Stop talking!’ I told her. ‘And go.’
‘OK, but . . .’
‘GO!’ I shouted. ‘Just . . . GO, Amy! GO!’
It was after eleven by the time Heather returned. She was soaked in sweat and seemed changed, somehow. Her manner was surprisingly brusque.
‘Well, that’s done,’ she said, on entering the courtyard. ‘Where are the kids?’
I twisted in the hammock to face her. ‘They’re inside,’ I said. ‘Playing. I made them a tent out of sheets.’
‘Right,’ she said. ‘Good.’
‘Are you OK?’ I asked.
She shrugged. ‘Define OK,’ she said, then started towards the house, so I rolled inelegantly from the hammock and called her back. ‘You said it’s done,’ I said. ‘What is? What’s done?’
‘Oh, I just mean he’s gone,’ she said. ‘At least I don’t have to look at him now.’
‘And you?’ I asked. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘I’m going to get a drink,’ she said. ‘I’ve been walking, and sweating, and I’m parched.’
I sat at the tiled garden table and listened to her talking playfully with the kids indoors, and then after a minute or two of silence, she returned with a jug and two glasses.
‘Sorry I
