Families like Caitlin’s moved in relatively small circles. Everyone seemed to know everyone, so it was inevitable that she would marry someone they considered a close friend of the family. I would often revisit those long Saxby summers in my mind. What did I remember about those days? The sweet scent of Chuck’s shampoo, the soft skin of his hand in mine, but never when Caitlin was around to see. I was a young girl, two years his junior, and I had never been in such close proximity with a boy who was older than me. The older lads at my school stayed away from us younger girls, but Chuck was different. He was so inclusive. He wanted to spend time with us. With me. And I remember how special I felt when Chuck gave me all of his attention.
I remembered those feelings, and they stayed with me because those were the longest days of my life. The days that Caitlin was there next to me, when we had endless hours to run wild and explore. Springs, summers and Christmases spent at Saxby. But when all that innocence was no more, when the days of hiding in the woods had gone, the things I knew became more apparent. Things changed for me in the summer of 1991. The Clemonte family no longer appeared as the same illumination I had become so obsessed with when I had first moved in.
And to this day, I have held on to what I discovered. To protect my friend, I guess. It has always been about Caitlin. I could have blamed my cowardice on the heat of the day in Greece and the pina coladas before 10 a.m., but I knew deep down I finally needed to speak up. The spiral of lies that had been so tightly entwined like a brand-new ball of wool, had begun to loosen in my mind. Where they had once been stored away, they had now begun to wander freely. Their movement had jogged other memories and I would often wake to a collision of promises I’d made to others, and promises I’d made to myself.
But I have always been there for Caitlin, despite how often she has and still makes me feel less than average. But since Caitlin had announced her engagement to Chuck and I had begun to organise the wedding, it was as though I had no control any more. I may have bottled out of telling her at the hen holiday, but I knew I would need to tell her before the wedding. A new chapter would be beginning for Caitlin, so why couldn’t it be a fresh start for me too?
I sat down at my computer in the lounge with a sigh. My business, Space Consultancy, was doing okay. I was writing three or four blogs a week for businesses, reviewing products and running several Facebook and Twitter accounts. I did however receive about three calls or emails a week from people who thought I was giving advice on asteroids and dwarf planets. But aside from that, it was going from strength to strength, so much so that I had rented a few square feet in a ground-floor building alongside other small businesses. But I still needed somewhere to put mail and my laptop at home, so Oscar had utilised his carpentry skills and installed a small wall desk for me. It was minimalist, but I styled it up with a trendy turquoise lamp and some nice-looking stationery pots.
I am receiving endless emails, messages and enquiries at the moment, so the work simply can’t stop once I leave the office. If I want this business to succeed, which I know it will by the way things are going, then I have to grab moments to work whenever I can. There is still a long way to go until I can begin feeling successful, which is something I deemed Caitlin to have been since she first went to university to study law and then went on to own and run her own solicitors with Mabel, her old friend from school. Miller and Anderton. As though using their surnames somehow entitled them to be taken more seriously. It doesn’t matter how hard I work, I never seem to have as much as Caitlin. As her business grew, she began to spend longer hours at the office, which in turn, exposed what little there was left of our friendship.
At my desk, I begin to sift through any emails I have missed since I left the office and consider how I am going to send my thoughts about the party favours through to Caitlin. It is such a good idea. Dandelion seeds in tiny glass bottles with cork lids and little labels with the words: Caitlin and Chuck have made their dreams come true, now it’s your turn. Release the seeds and free your wish. Maybe this might spark some interest in Caitlin and bring her attention back to me and the grand job I am doing to organise her wedding.
As the wedding is just three months away, I am sure Caitlin will sway towards this over the original candle favours, which at the time I thought were a great idea, but in hindsight was in fact a bit of a cliché.
I decide to have a quick flick through the messages in my inbox first.
Amongst all the enquiries, I notice a name that I recognise. A name that, alone, is enough to give me chills.
I open the email and immediately I can hear the tone in her written
