‘It’s the wedding planner. I need to nip over to the venue, to double-check the place settings for tomorrow.’
Caitlin rolls her eyes.
‘She’s young and doesn’t want to make any mistakes, I guess – I’ll be half an hour.’ I add a long scarf to my ensemble; it’s nearly dark, and the temperature from the day has dropped significantly and the venue is a few minutes’ walk away.
Caitlin stands up and makes a show of going to the mini bar, taking out two bottles of vodka and a can of tonic. She pours it all into one glass and takes a long drink.
I make no comment as I finish wrapping my scarf around my neck.
‘Right, I’ll be back shortl—’
‘Oh do shush and go and rearrange the doilies.’ Caitlin flops down onto the sofa. ‘I will try and stay awake, for the sake of tradition.’
‘Right.’ I pull on my trainers and head to the door, grabbing the door key card on the way from the hall.
‘Caitlin.’
‘Yes.’ She’s already distracted by something on her phone.
I breathe in. Words almost spill out of my mouth, a tidal wave of sentences I have saved myself from saying a thousand times. Words that I swallowed deep down so many times I feel poisoned by them.
‘Er, do you want anything whilst I’m out?’
‘No.’ Caitlin waves me away without looking up.
‘Okay.’ I head out of the door, pushing down those words once more. They can wait. For soon I won’t need any words at all.
I walk into the venue where Chuck and Caitlin will marry in only a few hours. I spot Veronica, the wedding coordinator. She looks at me with slight panic in her eyes, but before I can get to her I am grabbed firmly by the arm.
‘Chuck, what are you doing?’
‘I need to see you.’ He looks terrified.
‘Well, I need to see Veronica, that’s why I’m here.’ I scan the reception area again, but Veronica has gone.
‘No, you’re here because I paid that whippersnapper fifty quid to call you and pretend she needed you for something.’ Chuck spits the words out.
I think about the horrified expression Veronica had given me when I had arrived.
‘Chuck, Veronica is a very nice girl and you are corrupting her with your behaviour, not to mention, drawing attention to us. What do you want people to think?’
‘Oh, I couldn’t care what anyone thinks. Weddings are a charade and a pain in the arse, if you ask me. I would much rather pop on a plane somewhere hot and get it over with, tout de suite.’
I follow Chuck over to a couple of armchairs in the foyer and we sit down.
‘So what is it, Chuck?’ I ask, pulling my cardigan around me for comfort rather than warmth.
‘I just needed to see you, one more time, that was all, before the “big day” tomorrow,’ Chuck says mockingly. He flattens a stray hair on his head and tries to make himself appear calm. But the telltale perspiration around his hairline is a giveaway, even though he is wearing just a T-shirt and chinos.
I let out a long sigh. I had other things to worry and think about now.
‘I’m a man of tradition, and as far as I’m concerned – after I’ve said my vows to Caitlin – I am to be true to my wife for the rest of my days.’
‘Yes, Chuck, so you’ve told me. You’re going to make a fabulous husband.’
‘Yes, yes, I know, I just… Do you think I need to say something to Caitlin? I feel riddled with guilt, Sasha, absolutely riddled with it.’
I take a deep breath and consider Chuck’s words. I lift my hand to raise the attention of a passing staff member and order us a couple of brandies. Some occasions call for a real drink, one to be savoured. Of course I am not going to let Chuck say anything and ruin everything I have planned because of his guilty conscience. I figure I can give him thirty minutes of my time and that will be enough to talk him down. He needs to get that ring on Caitlin’s finger. Then I can wash my hands of it all.
There we sit, two old friends, but to anyone passing, our heads almost pressed together and occasionally squeezing one another’s hands, we could have been something so much more.
Caitlin is fast asleep in her huge bed when I get back. It’s gone ten thirty, and I have spent longer out than I had anticipated. Chuck and I got talking, and before we knew it over an hour had passed, and so with one brandy sloshing around my system – Chuck needed three to be talked down – I do a quick check on Caitlin. Her breathing is quiet and slow; she truly is out for the count. I’m glad as I need an early night. I want to be fresh-faced and focused for tomorrow.
I’m in my pyjamas and wiping off the remains of my make-up in my en suite when I hear the familiar faint mutterings coming from Caitlin’s room. I creep from my room and reach the edge of my doorway but quickly step back when I realise that she has turned her bedside lamp on and is no longer lying down, but sat on the side of the bed, looking towards the wall. Her eyes are wide open, and she is muttering quickly and quietly. I can’t make out any of the words she is saying, but it sounds rushed and almost heated, as though she is having an argument with someone. I am only just peeking out from behind my bedroom doorway as I stand listening, but she turns abruptly and looks right at me for a second. I think that I’ve been caught, but instead she clicks off the lamp next to her
