I nodded mutely. If I opened my mouth, I’d cry. For better or worse, Fabián and Ruth had seen the whole thing. And Hudson and his group probably had, too. Not only had I been dumped, I’d been dumped with an audience.
I moaned, the shame too much to bear.
Fabián exhaled angrily through his nose and whipped out his smartphone. “I’m tempted to sic my Faby-fans on him.”
“Just forget about him, P.” Ruth gently plucked the smartphone out of Fabián’s hands. “He’s not worth ruining orientation. Not when you could be asking questions about the school’s sewing machine.”
I gulped down hot tears in the back of my throat. Today was a disaster.
Just then, a student ambassador came over. He had light brown hair, green eyes, and wore a T-shirt with the Polk “Partisans” mascot on the front, which was a donkey/elephant hybrid. He looked older than us and was even taller than Fabián.
“Do y’all have a group already? Want to join ours?” he asked.
Ruth shoved the Cheeto bag into her skirt pocket before he could see it—a true friend.
“Yessss.” Fabián sparkled, fluttering his eyelashes at the student guide, who was, admittedly, pretty cute.
“Hey, are you okay?” the guide asked me. “What’s your name?” He held out his hand, helping me up from the sticky floor.
“Um—” I swallowed, not answering the first question. “Parvin Mohammadi. Or Párveen, if you’re fancy,” I added. Most people pronounced my name with a soft A sound, but it was actually a hard A, like in patio.
He shook my hand. “Cool. My name’s Matías, but my friends call me Matty.”
“¿Hablas español?” Fabián shot back in Spanish.
“Pues claro, mi cuate.” Matty smiled, revealing a row of even white teeth that nearly blinded me.
“Ooof,” Fabián breathed next to me, equally stunned. “Please tell me he’s gay.”
Matty had a nice smile, I guess. I didn’t know. Wesley had a nice smile, too. Where was he now? I craned my neck, wondering whether I could see him in another tour group with his stupid friends.
What was it about me that wasn’t girlfriend material? Was I really so dreadful to be with? I didn’t have much experience with boys. Wesley had been my first kiss, after all. Maybe I was missing something?
Whatever excitement I’d had for this tour had turned into a heavy block of dread in the middle of my stomach. How could Wesley just shrug and walk away from me like that? How could the world still spin on its axis and continue as normal when a boy who’d spent a whole summer with me had cut out my heart?
Was nothing sacred?
“All right,” Matty said. “Let’s get this tour started!”
We followed him to a couple other freshmen, none of whom had gone to the same middle school as we had, and crowded around our guide. I tried not to sink into a pit of despair. I really just wanted to go home, blast the AC, and grab ten different blankets to wallow in.
Matty clapped his hands. “If you have any questions, just hold them until the end, okay?”
Ruth put her hand down, devastated.
We followed Matty through the halls as he showed us the arts wing, science labs, language arts center, and library. I could feel Ruth practically vibrating with even more questions, but she restrained herself.
As Matty went over stuff like how our classes were scheduled, how lunch period worked, and how to open our lockers, I could feel some of my first-day-of-school jitters shrink a tiny bit. Finally, someone who knew what they were talking about! Fabián had even pulled his nose out of his phone to hear what Matty had to say, and I could see Ruth smile when Matty made a joke about the cafeteria food.
“That’s everything!” Matty said after he showed us both gymnasiums and the band room. We were on the football field’s bleachers now, all of us sitting below him on the metal slats in the fading light. “Time for questions.”
Ruth’s hand shot up like a rocket. I prayed she’d ask a cool question.
“Can everyone use the laminator machine in the library? Even freshmen?”
Oh my god.
Instead of cringing like me, Matty laughed.
“Wow, okay, yeah, let’s start with that. I’ve never actually seen the laminator. But I bet if you asked the librarians, they’d let you use it.”
Ruth nodded, satisfied. I could feel her gearing up for another question, but Fabián swooped in.
“Is there a Gay-Straight Alliance?” he asked, looking up from the Polk extracurriculars brochure. “I don’t see one in here.”
Finally, a cool question. Ruth inhaled sharply. She hadn’t come out to her family yet, but Fabián had.
“Great question,” Matty replied. “I’m actually in GSA myself—we meet twice a month, and it’s sponsored by Ms. Kaiser, the band teacher.”
“See you there.” Fabián winked, fanning himself with the brochure. Ruth made another note in her notebook. Matty looked at me just then, his grin so sincere I felt myself beaming back.
“Did you have a question?” Gosh, his eyes were so bright. And he smiled at everyone, even if they asked a stupid question like Ruth’s. Were all sophomores this nice?
I blinked. “I—sorry?” What were we talking about?
Matty laughed, his dimples catching sunlight at just the right angle, reminding me of Wesley’s dimples and how they popped up when he smiled. I felt my pulse accelerate. What was I going to do?
“It’s okay. If you have any questions, you can always find me in the sophomore hallway, all right?”
I didn’t remember what other questions were asked. By now I could feel my heartbeat in my forehead, the beginnings of a headache coming on. Wesley’s words rang in my mind, and the phrases You’re too much and You’re too loud echoed painfully. I felt ugly and gross, the shame spreading through me despite Fabián assuring me that Wesley was a loser. You just got rejected by your first boyfriend, Parvin Mohammadi.
The truth was, I thought Wesley liked me because I was loud and too much. Sure, there were older girls
