“I don’t really give a shit about protocol. I know you’re capable of bending the rules to suit your purposes anyway. I will find a way around it if I have to, but I am going. I’m not risking the possibility of Mason needing a competent doctor and me not being there.”
We stare each other down for a couple more seconds, and I can pinpoint the moment when she realizes she has no sway over my decision. Mom’s battle-axe facade cracks, and I see a flash of real fear in her eyes. She tries to maintain the illusion of anger, but when she swallows hard and stalks away, I’m almost sure she’s trembling. She aims for the guest lounge and I follow, not to try to drive the point home, but out of concern because only once in my life have I ever seen my mother shaken to this degree.
She stops in front of the coffee machine and grabs a paper cup, places it under the nozzle, and makes her choices on the screen. I’m pretty sure she isn’t even seeing what she chooses, because my mother does not drink decaf. Then she grips the edge of the counter with both hands and stares at the cup.
“Mom . . .” I begin, though I have no idea what to say to allay her worries. I take a deep breath and ask, “This is about Chris, isn’t it?”
She exhales shakily. “You weren’t supposed to get involved in this, Callie. You’re too close . . . If you get hurt . . .”
My heart shudders at the desperation in her voice and the way it cracks. It’s a struggle to stay reasoned, to keep my voice even when I say, “I won’t be alone. Mason’s brother is going with us. Arturo Flores already has men in Mexico City who will have our backs if we need them. We’ll be okay.”
Obviously I can’t guarantee nothing bad will happen, but what else am I supposed to say? She looks anguished when she turns back around, her coffee forgotten. “Until you have children of your own, you can’t understand what it feels like to lose one. Even the possibility of sending you into danger destroys me, baby.”
I grit my teeth and take a breath. “You do realize that Mason has a mother too, don’t you? One who he desperately wants to get back to, but thanks to this goddamn operation, she’s believed he was dead for the past three years.”
“That isn’t my fault. Flores made the recommendation and we ran with it. Mason was the best man for the job.”
“I didn’t say he wasn’t. But that doesn’t negate the fact that you need his help to find Chris, if Chris is still alive. Can you just accept that I need to do this to bring Mason home to his family? Not just him, but his little girl. A little girl who has no one but him.”
My voice starts to quaver when I stop to take a breath, and I clench my fists to keep going, ignoring the hot prickle of tears in my eyes. “I desperately want Chris to be alive. But it isn’t fair to think of Mason or anyone else working to find him as expendable. If I’m there, don’t you think he has a better chance of returning with the intel we need to find Chris? To at least know one way or the other if we can hold out hope of bringing him home too?”
Mom’s face is stony. Then she closes her eyes and lets out a bitter laugh. “God, you are just like your father.” She shakes her head, and when she opens her eyes, I see resignation.
It’s definitely a victory, but I shake my head. “He isn’t the only one I’m like, and you know it. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the exact same thing if you were in my position.”
She starts to speak when something behind me catches her eye and she frowns. I turn to look and find Nina standing frozen in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. She looks like she’s seen a ghost, but when she speaks, I understand why.
“Callie? Is it true? Is it possible Chris is alive?”
“Nina . . . Oh, honey,” Mom says, her face sagging with concern.
“Were you even going to tell me?” Nina asks. “Callie, what the fuck? How long have you known?”
“Only a couple days, Nina. We didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.”
“Jesus, Cal! You always tell me these things. Didn’t you think I deserved to know?”
She gives me one last look of utter betrayal, and then turns and disappears down the hallway. I grit my teeth and turn back to Mom. “Please tell me we’re done with this argument. I have to go do damage control with Nina.”
“Just . . . be careful, please. That goes for talking to Nina too. And never forget how much I love you, baby. I want nothing more than to know both you and your brother are safe. Can you understand that?”
My tension eases and I hazard a small smile, then close the distance and pull her into my arms. She embraces me back as ferociously as ever. “Of course I understand, Mom.”
She heaves a breath as she pulls back and looks at me, her gaze searching. “If you plan to stay with him, be prepared to embark on the same roller coaster of worry, and I don’t just mean for that reckless hero of a man. You’re signing up for an instant family.”
I can’t help but groan. “Mom, I was trying really hard to avoid thinking that far ahead. All I know right now is that I want him to be okay. Anything beyond that . . .” I give a small shrug. “Well, I’ll just have to see what happens.”
“For the record, I think you would make an amazing mother.”
The comment is so out of left field I can’t respond, so I just nod and give her a peck on the cheek
