“We have this situation under control,” Tall and Bald said while he pushed up his glasses on the bridge of his nose, looking at Monty and me. “I suggest you two,”—he glanced down at Peaches—“umm…three…get somewhere safe. This can get dangerous.”
They answered my initial question more directly by reaching into their jackets, almost causing me to perforate them, before retrieving their wallets and flashing badges at us. I looked over at Steven who gave me a bro nod of recognition. He was significantly shorter than Bangers, but I could tell by the fit of his clothing, that he trained. He had an ex-military look to him and figured he was the brawn to Bangers’ brains.
“You can’t possibly be serious,” Monty said. “Bangers and Mash? Really?”
“Rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?” Bangers said with a smile. “I thought up the name.”
“Quite…creative,” Monty said after a pause. “Why are you here?”
“We picked up some strange energy signatures—well Robert did—and we headed right over,” Steven said, glancing at Bangers. “We have experience with these kinds of situations.”
“Do you, now?” Monty asked, turning to Bangers. “What’s your assessment here?”
Bangers looked over at Mash as if to say, these poor noobs are clearly out of their depth, and took a step closer to the ice.
“Clearly, this is the work of an ice demon,” Bangers said, his voice grim. “The ice surrounding the location of this building indicates that it rests on a cold ley line. This positioning attracted the ice demon entity to unleash its power on the building and surrounding area.”
“Ice demon?” I asked. “Really?”
“Pretty clear when you know what to look for,” Bangers answered. “You’d be safer over there”—he pointed across the street—“out of the line of fire. No telling how this demon will react once we breach.”
“We can’t be responsible for your safety,” Mash said, nodding. “This is a professional investigation.”
I glanced over at Olga, who looked ready to freeze Bangers and Mash on the spot and shatter them into little Professional Paranormal Investigator ice cubes.
“Monty?” I looked over at him, and then looked over at Olga. “You may want to have a word.”
“Indeed,” he said, looking at Bangers and Mash. “Keep this conversation here.”
Monty walked off in Olga’s direction as I holstered Grim Whisper.
“You’ve been doing this a long time, then?” I asked, focusing on Bangers.
“Ever since I left the Golden Circle—”
“Golden Circle?” I asked, trying very hard to keep a straight face. “The mage sect? That Golden Circle?”
“Yes, I’m surprised you’ve heard of it,” Bangers said, raising an eyebrow.
“You’re a mage?”
“Yes, I am,” Bangers said. “What do you know of the Golden Circle?”
“Not much—rumors and stories. It’s supposed to be one of the strongest—”
“It’s the most powerful sect of mages that still teaches battlemagic.”
“Battlemagic—wow.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to understand, you not being a mage and all.”
Peaches rumbled next to my leg. I patted his head as Bangers looked down at my hellhound.
“Is your dog trained?” Bangers asked. “Would hate to see it harmed while we undergo our mission.”
“Your mission? Oh, right. The ice demon,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about Peaches”—I rubbed his massive head—“he’s very well trained. We’ll stay out of your way. This looks like mage business.”
“Peaches…really?” Bangers asked, looking at my hellhound. “Well, it’s good to see some non-mages understand the delicate nature and severity of our work.”
“You’re right, I’m not a mage,” I said. “You plan on using some of this ‘battlemagic’ to stop the ice demon?”
“Only thing that can work in this situation,” Bangers answered. “Clearly, this is an attack on the building. My associate here”—he glanced at Mash—“is an ex-Navy Seal. Trust me when I say we’re prepared.”
“Ex-Navy Seal? Impressive. Which team?”
“Classified,” Mash answered. “I’m not at liberty to divulge that information.”
“Totally understand, sensitive information and all,” I said with a nod. “Probably safer that way.”
“You have no idea,” Mash said. “We’ve seen and done things most civilians wouldn’t understand, much less believe.”
“You do sound equipped and prepared,” I said. “I’m just surprised I’ve never heard of your team. Are you new to the city?”
“We go where we’re needed,” Mash said. “Right now, this city is in need of our services.”
“Not surprising,” Bangers said, with a self-important sniff. “Investigators of our caliber don’t exactly take out ads in the paper. What do you think we are—wizards?”
“Good point,” I said. “You seem like a top-notch team. How are you going in, if you don’t mind sharing with an amateur like me?”
“We plan on using our patented Bangersmash,” Bangers said with a hint of pride. “It’s very effective in these situations.”
“Let me guess. You created that name, too.”
“I did,” Bangers answered smugly. “In terms you can understand: we are going to use large amounts of explosives to blow an enormous hole in the ice. Then, we go in and subdue the ice demon. It’s quite complicated. I don’t think you could understand all of the intricacies of mage work.”
“Sounds complicated, but it looks like you’re ready to deal with it.”
“We are. Now, please step back and leave this to the professionals.”
I stepped back as Bangers headed back to their pumpkin bus, which was also surprisingly unscathed from its crash into the Dark Goat. Mash trailed behind him.
Monty returned from speaking with Olga who, amazingly, looked even more upset than she had before the arrival of Bangers and Mash.
“She suggested deep freezing the pair along with their vehicle, then dropping them in the river,” Monty said when he drew close. “I advised her that wasn’t a prudent course of action.”
I glanced over at Olga.
“You told her you didn’t know them, right?” I asked. “I only ask because she looks like she doesn’t want to follow your advice.”
“She will refrain from freezing them for now, but we must act.”
“Are you going to let them go in?”
“Bangers and Mash?” Monty asked. “Only if I want to have the building destroyed. I don’t understand how they’ve survived this long.”
“Says he trained at the Golden Circle—your sect.”
“Impossible,” Monty
