In the end, I was only further sidetracked.
"Well, I like his work," M declared his disagreement.
"Is that man's work good for Japan?" asked T from the Aomori hospital; he looked humble and conciliatory.
My position was wrong.
"That may be the best way. Well, it may be good. But while seated before me, isn't it horrible none of you have a word to say about my work?" I confessed my true motive with a smile.
Everyone smiled. I pushed my luck only to reveal my true intentions and said, "My work is a confused mess, but I have ambitions. I'm currently staggering under that heavy ambition. You probably see before you a filthy mess with sloppy ignorance, but I know true elegance. Higashi rice candies are shaped like pine needles, and daffodils are tossed into a celadon vase. I don't think they are elegant in any way. It's a hobby of the nouveau rich. And it's rude. True elegance is a single white chrysanthemum on a massive black rock. It's no good if the foundation is not a large, dirty rock. That is true elegance. Young fellows like you consider the lyricism of a schoolgirl like a carnation supported by wire tossed in a cup to be artistic elegance."
My language offended. "I must not present the flaws of others and display my merits. Disparaging others and taking pride in oneself is vile." This pilgrimage rule of the old man resembles a serious truth. In fact, this is terrible. I have this vile habit. Even in literary circles in Tokyo, I unnerve everyone and am kept away as a grimy fool.
"Well, there's nothing I can do," I said and placed both hands behind me and turned my face up, "My work is so bad, talking about it will change nothing. Your appreciation of one-tenth of my work would be fine. Because you have no appreciation of my work, I blurt out the wrong thing. Please appreciate it. One-twentieth would be good. You must appreciate it."
Everyone laughed hysterically. The laughter spared my feelings, too. S, the manager at Kanita Hospital, rose and, with the soothing charity peculiar to a sophisticated man, said, "Shall we have a change of venue?"
He said he would have lunch prepared for everyone at the E Inn, the biggest in Kanita. With a glance, I asked T if that was all right.
"Great. We will have an enjoyable meal," T said as he rose to put on his jacket, "We planned this from the beginning. S has set aside some high-quality sake rations, so from now on, we will enjoy them. We can't let N be the only one treating us."
I obediently followed T's words. I felt reassured with T by my side.
The E Inn was very pretty. The alcove in the room was decent, and the toilet was clean. Inns on the east coast of the Tsugaru Peninsula are first-rate compared to those on the west coast. This may reflect their tradition from long ago of welcoming travelers from other provinces. In the past, when crossing to Hokkaido, boats always departed from Minmaya. This Sotogahama Road moves travelers from the entire country. Crabs were added to the trays of the inn. Anyone would say, "Of course, you're in Kanita." [Kanita is written using the kanji characters for crabs and rice paddies.]
T can't drink sake and ate his meal alone. Everyone else drank S's premium sake and put off eating. As he got drunk, S became cheerful.
"You see, I like novels by anyone all the same. When I read them, they're all interesting. Somehow, they're quite good. So I can't help but like novelists. I like any novelist so much I can't stand it. My son, he's three. I think he'll become a novelist. I even named him Fumio and write his name using the characters for literature and man. He's smart like you. Excuse me for saying, but your head is shaped like an open fan."
That's the first time I've heard my head looks broken. I should be well aware of every one of the various flaws in my looks, but I didn't realize the shape of my head was odd. Am I oblivious to many other defects? Immediately after I criticized other authors, I got very anxious. S cheerfully said, "Well, soon all the sake will be gone. Everyone is invited to my home. Well? It's okay. Come and meet my wife and Fumio. Please. If it's apple cider, we have more than enough in Kanita. Come to my home and have some. Okay."
He tempted me nonstop.
I was grateful for the temptation but was shattered about the crown of my head and wanted to return to N's home and go to bed. I was distressed by the thought of going to S's home and the inside of my head being seen through someplace on my skull which would lead to my being reviled. As usual, I gauged T's feelings. If T said to go, I was prepared to go. T looked serious while thinking.
"Should we go? S will get pretty drunk today, but he has been waiting a long time to enjoy your company."
I went. I stopped being sensitive about my skull. Thinking about it again, it was S's attempt at humor. I don't have much confidence in my appearance but must not fret about these trivialities. Not only my looks, my biggest flaw may now be my confidence.
We went to S's home and received an enthusiastic welcome that is the nature of the people of Tsugaru. This was a little confusing for me, despite being a native of Tsugaru. S stepped into his home and the rapid-fire orders for his wife began.
"Hey, I brought the guest from Tokyo home. He finally came. He's the Dazai fellow. Can you come here and greet him? Hurry, come and see him. And bring the sake. No, we already drank sake. Bring apple cider. Just one bottle. No, that's too little! Go and buy two more bottles.
