I gathered my courage to ask a lone youth, "Do you know where Koshino Take is? Do you know her? She's around fifty years old. She's Koshino from the hardware store." That was all I knew about Take.
"Koshino of the hardware store," said the youth as he thought, "Oh, I think she's in a hut over there."
"Okay, over there?"
"Yeah, I'm not really sure. I think you'll find her somehow. Go look."
The search was a major undertaking. I couldn't seem smug to the youth by telling him things like it's been thirty, long years. I thanked the young man and a little befuddled walked in the general direction he pointed but didn't know what to do. Finally, I poked my head into the huts of happy circles eating their lunches.
"Pardon me. I'm sorry to bother you, but is Koshino Take, uh, Koshino-san of the hardware store, here?"
"No," was the sharp reply from a frowning woman in a bad mood.
"Oh? Thank you. Excuse me. Have you seen her around here?"
"Uh, I don't know. Why? Are you the bonder man?"
I peeked into another hut to ask. They didn't know. Then another. I looked obsessed as I walked around asking, "Is Take here? Is Take from the hardware store here?" I made two rounds of the field but found nothing. I had a hangover. My throat was so parched I couldn't stand it. I went over to the school's well to have a drink of water and then returned to the athletic field. I sat on the sand, removed my jacket, and wiped away the sweat. With tired eyes, I watched the happy crowd of men and women, young and old.
She's here. She is definitely here. Unaware of my suffering, she's probably opening the picnic box and making the children eat. I imagined a school teacher shouting through a megaphone, "Koshino Take-san, you have a visitor," but that brutal method would be appalling. It would be inexcusable of me to create my joy by playing that over-the-top prank. It was not to be. The gods say when to meet. I'm going home. I put on my jacket and stood. Again I walked the footpath between the paddy fields back to the village.
Would the sports field day end around four o'clock? That would be four more hours. Should I go lie down at a local inn and wait for Take to return home? While waiting disheartened in a dirty room in the inn, would I get mad wondering if Take was worth the wait? Given these feelings, I wanted to see Take, but it didn't seem I would. In other words, it was not in the stars. If I traveled all this way and know she's right there, returning home without seeing her may fit my essentially bad life so far. My plans spawned from ecstasy always ended up in chaos just like this. That is my awful fate. I'm going home.
Thinking about it, although she could be said to be the guardian who raised me, frankly, she was an employee. Isn't she a servant? Are you the servant's child? You're a man old enough to know better, but you adore the servant from long ago and want to see her. You're no good. My older brothers have the reasonable belief that I'm a vulgar, gutless sort. Among my brothers, I'm the sole oddball. Why am I so sloven, shabby, and a low life? You need to buck up.
I went to the bus depot and asked for the departure time of the bus. The last bus to Nakazato would leave at one-thirty. I decided to go home on that 1:30 bus. I had thirty more minutes here and was a little hungry. I entered a gloomy inn close to the depot and said, "I'm in a rush and would like to have lunch."
Regret remained in my heart. If this inn were pleasant, I would rest here until around four o'clock, but rejected the idea. A sickly-looking proprietress happened to peek out from inside to coldly inform me that everyone had gone to the sports field day, and there's nothing she could do.
I was resolved to go home and sat on a bench at the bus depot. After resting for about ten minutes, I stood and loitered around the area. All right, I'll try one more time. I'll go up to the front of Take's empty house. I will force a smile and bid farewell for life without anyone knowing. I went to the front of the hardware store and glimpsed an unlocked lock at the entrance. The door was ajar two or three inches. It was a gift from god! My courage multiplied one hundred times. I braced myself and pushed open a clattering glass door, which couldn't be described as shoddy but was inadequate.
"Excuse me. Excuse me."
The reply of "Yes" from inside was followed by the appearance of a fourteen- or fifteen-year-old girl in a sailor suit. Her face brought back Take's face. Forgetting my manners, I walked up to her in the room with the dirt floor and introduced myself.
"I'm Tsushima from Kanagi."
She took a sharp breath and laughed. Sometime in the past, Take may have told her children about raising a child named Tsushima. For that reason, the girl and I did not behave like strangers. I was grateful. I am Take's child. The servant's child, whatever, it didn't matter. I could shout, I am Take's child. My brothers can sneer at me, I don't care. I am this girl's brother.
"Oh, good," I said without thinking, "Take? Is she still at the field day?"
"Yes," she said not showing a bit of shyness and nodded, "My stomach hurts so I came home for medicine."
It's terrible to say, but
