With a shaky hand, I nudged his shoulder gently that was covered by some T-shirt. He groaned and turned to face the opposite direction making me more persistent as I pushed him again. My eyes tried to adjust to the darkness as he sat up a little to look at me.
"Madeline?"
"I can't sleep."
"Are the frozen lady dreams back again?"
My throat felt tight. It was that dream and much more, but Sawyer didn't need to know that, nor could I tell him. I just nodded my head. Turning sideways, Sawyer scooched over a little, so there would be space for me. Sliding into his bed which was so different than my own. I pulled his black Jersey cotton sheets up to my chest as I felt Sawyer's chest against my back. I started to smile as I felt his arms wrap around me, interlacing my fingers with his so I could hold tight, praying this would keep the shadows of nightmares away. My eyes drifted closed as one last sigh escaped.
I lost count of the number of times I'd been in this room. When I was younger, it seemed more frequent, but now it was every six months on the dot I was back in the examination room. Dr. Vodola picked me up a little early from school to have my appointment with all the doctors. However, he wasn't in the room anymore when they had the examination. The last couple of years, it had been just Dr. Green and me. It was easier to talk to only him. Yet, I still could not tell him how Dr. Vodola treated me when everyone else was gone. If things were bad, how much worse would they get if I told on him?
Glancing around the white wall room as I sat on the metal bed with the thin sheet, my legs swung over the edge, causing a crinkle sound. I was wearing nothing, but a flimsy robe tied in the back. The room was a little chilly, and I could feel my fingers tingle. I took in a deep breath and released it. I had been here six months ago for the same reason, but it didn't make it less nerve-racking.
The door creaked open, and Dr. Green came in with a tablet. I straightened up and gulped. Dr. Green was reading something on his screen before he sat on a stool by me.
"Hello Madeline, how are you doing today."
I shrugged. "Okay, I got an A on my math test the other day."
Dr. Green smiled. "That's great, but how are you doing outside of school."
I shrugged again and felt my face heating up. "Okay. I don't have classes with two girls I thought were my friends, so I haven't heard from them. I sit with Sawyer and his friends at lunch which is fun."
He grinned and continued to write on the screen.
"That's good about Sawyer and those friends. Sorry about the girls, though. If it makes you feel better, my daughter had the same issue with her high school friends. I think it's a girl thing. Are you good friends with Sawyer?"
I nodded. "I guess so."
My fingers uncoiled and curled onto the edge of the table.
"Dr. Vodola can't hear us in here." Dr. Green responded with a raised eyebrow.
I gulped.
"Is there anything going on between you and Sawyer?"
I shook my head. "No. He's about to ask out this girl Lisa from school. He and I are just friends."
"Is there anyone at school you'd like to date?"
I titled my head and scrunched my eyebrows. "I honestly haven't thought about that."
He raised an eyebrow. "Really? Do you have any crushes on anyone?"
I shook my head.
"So that answers my next question. Are you sexually active?"
Dr. Green hadn't asked me that before. My eyes widen, and I felt like my body was on fire.
"No!" my voice came out like a squeak.
"Have you kissed anyone?"
I shook my head, unable to find my voice after the last question.
"Have you gotten your first menstrual cycle?"
"No." my cheeks continued to get hotter.
He sighed. "Okay, let us begin the examination part of this visit, shall we?"
I found myself drumming my fingers on my knee with the beat of a song as our choir teacher playing on the school piano. She gave us a preview of one of the pieces in the concert. My eyes skimmed the words as she played. She bopped around as she played. Music helped me relax and go to a different place from the real world. It wasn't like I wanted to have my whole life revolve around music, but I just needed that small part in my life to help with my sanity.
"Okay, now, it's your turn."
She started at the beginning with the introduction as I mentally counted. Then we all came in like average high schoolers. There were the ones who were the future music majors. The ones that weren't too bad yet wouldn't be selling out concerts, people who just took choir as an easy class, and lastly, the ones who thought they were the best in the entire world but were utterly tone-deaf.
"No! Not like that try with more oomph!" Her voice boomed vigorously, trying to
