She shook her head and said, “I have to do this. I have to finish what I started.”
She paused as if weighing her words carefully, and then continued, “People who have never had children cannot understand what it feels like to lose a child. We were devastated.
“Paul fought desperately to save our boys, and he barely made it out alive. He was badly injured. He blamed himself for their deaths because he had failed to save them. Later, he confided in me that he wished he had died that day, rather than trying to live with the loss.
“I completely fell apart. It was the worst thing that I had ever gone through—and have gone through since. It felt as if my whole life had been taken from me, as if my soul had been ripped from my body. I became a lifeless shell. I sank into a deep depression, curled up on my bed for a month, unable to cope, unable to eat, and unable to talk to anyone. I refused any help that was offered.
“I wasn’t capable of comforting Paul or helping him heal from his physical and emotional injuries. At first he mourned in the same way I did, removing himself from interaction with the world. But then the anger began to fester within him like an infected wound.
“Of course, we both hated the people who had done this to our sons. It was a normal reaction to want to kill them to get revenge. I thought about that often, even going as far as developing a plan of how I would carry it out without getting caught. But I knew deep down that I never would have been able to go through with it.
“But it was different for Paul. He had killed before, and as the rage and hatred continued to devour him on the inside, the very essence of him changed. I could see it in his eyes. The kindhearted Paul that I knew and loved was gone. All I could see in his eyes from then on was rage, hatred, and desperation.
“Paul began to use RTP to cause bad things to happen to the people who he believed were responsible for the deaths of our sons. He convinced some of his ranch hands to help him dispense vigilante justice by finding and killing everyone who had participated in the raid. But he didn’t stop there. He declared that he would not stop killing until he took out the entire families of the guilty parties—even innocent men, women, and children. And he used RTP to help him carry out his evil justice.
“He began drinking heavily every day. He drank himself to sleep every night, crying, cursing, and swearing to never stop his quest for revenge on those who had murdered our sons. It was terrible to see him that way.
“For the first few months, he left me alone to mourn. I was in my own little world, and he in his. We should have been there for each other and helped each other get through it, but it seemed like neither of us was capable of it. I could barely find the will to live another day, much less help someone else overcome their own grief.
“It was during that time that our best friends, Sancha and Mel, became determined to help Paul and me overcome our depression and get on with our lives. They came to me daily and reminded me of RTP. They encouraged me to eat, bathe, and go through the motions of daily life. They tried to convince me that even though my sons were gone, life was still worth living. They used RTP to send positive and encouraging thoughts to me. And slowly, over time, I began to emerge from my depression enough to function normally again. I tried to move on with my life in a positive way and recover and be an active, productive member of society again.
“They tried to help Paul as well, but he pushed them away. He also pushed me away. He sank further and further into the depths of despair and alcoholism. He became mean and took out his anger on his field hands and friends. And then he turned his anger on me.
“A vast chasm had come between us. I didn’t blame him for the deaths of our sons, but I couldn’t look at him without seeing them. They looked so much like him. It got to the point where I couldn’t stand to look at him. And I think the same happened when Paul looked at me. I was a daily reminder of his sons, and of his failure to save them. He hated himself for it, and he grew to hate me too. We were no longer husband and wife in more than name. We were merely two strangers existing in the same household.
“The abuse was verbal at first. He berated me daily and told me I wasn’t worthy of being anyone’s wife. Over time, the abuse became physical. It started with a slap here and there, and eventually got worse to the point where he even threatened to kill me on a few occasions. There were times when he would catch me by surprise and hit me hard enough to cause large bruises and swelling. But I never told anyone. Instead, I used RTP to heal my wounds and suffered in silence.”
Adam could feel himself bristling inside at the thought of anyone hurting Maddie.
“I tried to stick it out and stay with him for almost a year, but he only got meaner and the attacks became more brutal. When I used RTP to shield myself, it would only make him angrier. I didn’t know what to do. The situation seemed hopeless, but then I realized that I could use RTP to accomplish anything I wanted. I finally admitted to myself that I needed outside help.
“Eventually, I confided in Sancha
