“You’re the new sheriff,” she said before I could even open my mouth. The way she said it—with such contempt in her voice—had my hackles up instantly.
“Sheriff Rome Harmon,” I said, deliberately not holding out my hand to her. The woman was about sixty, round in a frumpy way, dressed in a garish pink polyester track suit and Nikes I would have sworn were fresh out of the box that morning. The most startling thing about her appearance, however, was the fact that she was wearing a thick layer of lightly colored makeup that didn’t match the red of her sagging neck. I had to curb the desire to comment on the multiple chins. I hated bullies and clearly this woman was one.
“Catalina Broadmoor,” the woman said, introducing herself and lifting her chins as she attempted to look down at me along her nose. It was a nice trick since I stood a foot taller than she did. Her saggy neck flaps stretched into two distinct cords making her look even less flattering.
“Miss Broadmoor,” I said, sidestepping her as I began to walk back to where Mary had retreated behind the hostess desk.
“Wait,” she said, reaching out and capturing my forearm.
I looked down at her as I deliberately lowered my arm, so she’d be forced to let go.
“I wanted to let you know that I hope you’ll take crime seriously in this town. Our former sheriff was a good for nothing loser who wouldn’t do his job if it came up and slapped him in the face.”
I frowned down at her. “I wasn’t aware of Prosper Woods going through a crimewave, Miss Broadmoor.”
“It’s Mrs. Broadmoor,” she snipped, lifting her chins and shooting me a haughty glare. “My husband is a retired surgeon.”
“A retired sturgeon, maybe,” a young voice said from behind me.
I turned around to find Precious standing there with her hands on her hips. As usual, my dispatcher was dressed in what I’d term club clothes. Today, her white hair was drawn up in a high ponytail which looked as if it had sprouted from the top of her head. The wispy tendrils were held in place by a large forest green bow which of course matched the green velvet choker around her neck. The clingy pale green T-shirt bared her midriff followed by the full black miniskirt with forest green under-netting fluffing around her thighs. The dark green thigh high stockings she wore were tied with garters and bows that matched the one in her hair. Highly polished black patent leather platforms she wore on her feet made Precious look like some perfect blonde anime princess.
“How dare you!” Catalina Broadmoor cried. “You painted hussy! Look at you. Your makeup and clothes make you look like the loose woman you are.”
I was about to step in to try to diffuse the situation when Precious opened her mouth and spat back at Broadmoor, “And what do you call that on your face?”
Broadmoor lifted her hand to her cheek, blushing red under the thick foundation she wore. “It’s the latest Cover Girl with sunscreen.”
“Really?” Precious asked. “Well, you look like the world’s least fucked geisha.”
I was forced to slap a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. It was all I could do to keep a straight face as both women turned to look at me. Precious was grinning but it looked like steam was coming out of Broadmoor’s ears. The older woman narrowed her eyes to slits as she glared at me.
“Are you going to let her talk to me like that, Sheriff? Do you know who I am in this town?”
“I-I…ah…” I stammered.
“Yeah, tell him who you are, Catalina,” Precious said, still looking straight at me, though, she pointed a long green fingernail at the frumpy older woman. “Never mind. I’ll tell the sheriff.” She turned to me. “Catalina Broadmoor is a bigot and the biggest busybody in town.”
“I’m no bigot, young lady!” Broadmoor said, waving a finger in Precious’s face before turning to me. Her face was quite red now, her white makeup slowly melting off her face as she began to sweat. “I’ll have you know I’m the president of the Coalition of the Alliance for Teachers of Peace,” she said emphatically.
“Also known as CAT-PEE,” Precious interjected, sounding all matter-of-fact.
I snorted as the other restaurant patrons who’d been watching the heated exchange began laughing as well.
Broadmoor threw up her hands and shouted as she waddled for the door.
“This whole town is going to hell and I’ll make sure my husband knows about it!” The door slammed behind her with a loud bang.
“Well, that could have gone better,” I said, still chuckling as I turned to Precious.
She grinned widely at me, clasping her hands together like Betty Boop as she twisted her body side to side. “Really? I think it went just right.”
I chuckled. “I take it there’s no love lost between the two of you.”
“Seriously, Catalina Broadmoor is Prosper Woods’s resident busybody. If there’s ever anything you want known to everyone in town like yesterday, just tell Catalina…the old hag has eyes everywhere.”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“Honestly, she’s pretty harmless except for her tongue,” Mary said. She’d walked back over to join us, and as Precious stood there, she smiled shyly at my young dispatcher. “Hi, Precious.”
Precious looked at Mary and smiled back. “Hey there, Mary. Don’t you look pretty today.”
I sensed some attraction between the two young girls, and I was about to explore that thought when my stomach began to protest loudly. The girls dragged their gazes away from each other and giggled at me.
“Oh, no, you’re starving!” Mary said. “Let me get you seated, Sheriff.”
“Thank you so much, Mary.” I turned
