“Wollst du noch einen Brandy, Mutti? Then you must go. I need to get back to my painting.”
“Ja, bitte, gerne noch einen. Danke, Liebchen.”
Chapter 10
It had been a little more than a week since Hans’s visit, but it seemed a lifetime to Eva. For the past few days, she’d just wanted to sit around her apartment—she didn’t want to leave, not even for a minute, in case he stopped by. She needed some things, too. Milk for her coffee, bread and cheese. She started to eat the tinned food in her cabinet. And she tried not to drink all the brandy, either. She really hadn’t had much, except for last night. Last night, in her beautiful blue robe, she drank two brandies. Big ones, maybe it was really more like three. And the moon was full and round, directly outside her window. She played a record, a gospel record. “Sweet Jesus, I am worried. Sweet Jesus, I am sore. Sweet Jesus, I don’t even think that I can go on anymore.” She sang along, the curtain of her window pulled aside so that she could feel the moon on her, see its light. She missed Hans.
She fell asleep at some point with her robe on, which she did before, but this time it was different. When she woke, it was very wrinkled, and damp, too, from her sweat. Now she would have to clean it. She woke tired and ashamed. Ashamed of her melancholy, tired from the late night and the brandy.
There was a knock as she made her coffee. Could it be Hansi? Maybe someone let him in. She looked terrible! She put her hands to her hair and opened the door nervously.
“Grüss dich,” said Krista.
“Grüss dich, Krista, komm rein,” Eva said, disappointed and relieved. “Ich dachteschon, du wärst mein Freund. Und ich sehe so schrecklich aus!”
“You don’t look horrible, Eva. I like your robe. It’s beautiful. But I was a bit worried about you. I heard you last night. And, you know, it’s two in the afternoon. Usually you are up. Even if you don’t go out, we can hear you up and about by this time. I’m sorry, I was worried.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. That’s kind of you to worry about me. I’m fine.”
How could a young girl like Krista know what loneliness was? Or her mother, who had her daughter to comfort her?
“Would you like some coffee?” Eva asked.
“Yes, thank you.”
“Milk and sugar, richtig?”
“Bitte.”
“Then maybe I could get your mail for you? Have you heard again from Maggie? Is she coming?”
“Thank you, Krista. I must go out today. I haven’t been out for days. This is the last of my milk. So I’ll check my mail on the way down, but thank you.”
The girl looked disappointed. Maybe Eva should have just let her.
“Aber, vielleicht kannst du mir morgen meine Post hochbringen. Morgen hab ich nicht vor, rauszugehen.”
“Okay. Morgen dann.”
“And maybe you can tell me where a record store is. Where they sell old records. I have lost one recently.”
“I don’t know, Eva. I’m sorry.”
“Macht nichts. Elena will know. I will just ask her.”
“I don’t listen to old music. But I am very interested in new music. I thought I could talk with Maggie about new music. She lived in Boston and there is very good music in Boston and New York. And Washington, DC. I wonder if she likes the same music I do.”
“Perhaps,” Eva said. “We’ll soon find out!”
Krista smiled. Eva didn’t like her smile, because her eyes didn’t smile with her mouth. “Yes, she’s coming soon.”
Eva was grateful for Krista and her visits, but she sometimes found her a bit demanding. And sour. She felt bad, too, which made her less patient. But when she felt bad, when she’d had too much to drink, she often took extra care. She washed vigorously in the shower. She teased her hair and sprayed it. She put on deodorant and cologne, then applied her makeup: powder and then mascara and eyebrow pencil, then lipstick. She had taken extra morning pills and felt so light she could barely catch her breath. She dressed very carefully and carried her robe in a brown paper bag. She would take it to a cleaner. Insanely expensive, but worth it. The only problem was that she’d have to be without it for a few days. And she was scared. Scared that the skinheads would bother her again. They hadn’t bothered her in a while now. Then again, she hadn’t been out for days.
Taking the stairs slowly, she thought, perhaps he’ll be there! Perhaps! Just be there, hiding in the shadow of the door. Maybe if I walk slowly enough, she thought. Maybe then. Maybe if I’m patient.
When she got to the door, she opened it and stood outside. It was cold and dark. A bit of dry, hard snow fell from the sky. She didn’t look frantically about. No, she looked straight ahead and waited. If he were there, he’d come to her. If he were there.
Chapter 11
The next morning, Krista knocked. “Eva! A letter!”
Eva was awake, drinking coffee.
“Ich komme,” she said, letting the girl in.
“It’s a letter from Maggie. Shall I read it for you?” Krista asked, sitting down next to Eva.
“Gerne. Danke.” Eva stood to get her letter opener. And then Krista read:
Dear Tante Eva,
How are you? I am sorry I haven’t called you on the hall phone. For some reason, I prefer to write you. I am not much of a phone person. I did call Elena, though, and spoke with her. I am due to arrive in two weeks! Isn’t that exciting? The week after Christmas, Tom and I fly to Berlin. Elena has agreed to let us stay there and we will pay her rent. This is temporary, until we find our own place. I really want to find a place near you, in the old East Berlin. I hear there are some
