“It’s better I practice reading English myself, but danke,” Eva said.
“About the other day, about Christmas . . .” Krista said, looking away.
“I won’t say anything to your mother.”
“I don’t care so much about that. But I want you to know, I don’t spend a lot of time there. With those men.”
Eva looked at Krista. She could smell her dirty purple sweater. She wasn’t a happy girl. Who knew what the truth was. “They don’t seem like very nice people.”
Krista stood and carried her coffee cup to the sink. “Thanks for the coffee. Knock on my door when Maggie is here. Or better, tell me beforehand when she is coming, if you could,” she asked, betraying her desire, her vulnerability. “I want to make sure I’m here for her visit.”
“Sicher, Krista. Kein Problem,” she promised the girl as she closed the door behind her.
Eva poured more coffee, settled herself at her little table, and took out the letter.
Dear Eva,
I know it has been so long since you’ve heard from me. How are you? I hear that you are well from Maggie, but I would love to hear from you yourself. How is Berlin in this time of change? Exciting? Scary? Maybe a bit of both. You must enjoy that it is easier to see Elena?
Things are well here. Fred is working on a book and teaching piano. He is in relatively good health. They have some wonderful medications now. He hasn’t been in the hospital in years, really. I’m wondering when we spoke last, by telephone, and fear it may have been a very long time ago. Perhaps when Maggie was in Berlin in ’86? It’s shocking that I don’t even know. I fear I’m losing my memory already! But what can we do except bear the pain of getting older, becoming less competent in so many ways? Maybe you don’t struggle with these issues. I sure do.
I am still teaching German at the Catholic school in our area. I actually am now also the head of the foreign-language department. It’s been challenging, as management is not my greatest strength. But I am getting better at it as I go along. And I appreciate the challenge. It’s important to keep challenging ourselves, no?
The years pass so quickly now. Perhaps you feel the same way. One thing I worry about in getting older is becoming less and less flexible, more set in my ways. I know there are things to enjoy about being at the end of our life cycle here on Earth—perhaps to look forward to a union with our Maker? Perhaps a rest from all the insanity and trouble life is? But I can’t help but cling to certain aspects of youth and life—to some excitement and pleasure, to discovering new things. I am reading a lot and going to art museums, like a college girl.
You would think this all would make me accepting of Maggie and her adventurous ways, but, sadly, I can’t say that it does. I am deeply worried about her. I know she respects you. I don’t want to put too much pressure on you, or too many expectations, but I guess I am hoping you can keep some sort of eye on her for me. Perhaps it is too much to ask. She is a grown woman—she is not a little girl anymore. So what can any of us really do? You know that more than anything I wanted to provide my children with a great education. Something that I had to work so hard to get myself. I wanted to hand it to them. And now I wonder if that was a mistake. It was as if she used what I gave her against me, in every way. All of her knowledge she wields like weapons at me, trying to hurt me, belittle me, disagree with me on every little thing. She is shockingly rebellious, still, well past the years I was prepared to deal with rebellion. And I am without ideas on how to handle it, besides cutting her off financially, which I try to do, but then don’t really do. Maybe I am weak. I know I am afraid.
Perhaps you had similar or have similar problems with Elena. I don’t know. I guess I know very little about you, Eva. And it may be my fault. I should come visit. I would love for you to visit me someday. I know your feelings about America, but it’s not that bad. Or at least, you could come and see for yourself, make your own decision. I would love to show you my life here.
Please call me collect if you need to, if you feel that Maggie is in danger. If she gets sick . . . anything. I’ll be frank—I can’t stand her boyfriend. She knows it. It’s one of the reasons we don’t get along right now. But I think if it wasn’t Tom, it would be someone, or something else. We are just not destined to be close right now. It kills me. It does, it breaks my heart, when I’m not wrapped up in my rage for her.
I hope they are not a burden in any way. I know they are staying with Elena. Do let me know if there is anything I can do to be of help.
Busserl,
Liezel
Chapter 21
It had been nearly a week since Liezel’s letter had arrived, but it still was strong in Eva’s mind. Liezel’s neat, slanted script. She wrote like their father, and like Willi. There was nothing feminine in her handwriting.
It was the first letter from her sister that hadn’t been opened by others. Of course, there was Krista. But that was different, and it appeared Krista hadn’t opened this letter anyway. The letter felt different than her other letters; it felt more personal. Truer. Could it be that Liezel still loved her, still loved Eva? It hardly seemed possible. They knew so little about each other’s lives. They
