“Please, I won’t stay for long. It’s very important. Then we’ll go straight to the cabin.”
“No.”
“I ask so little from you. Why take me on a trip if you can’t be bothered to give me ten minutes of time? Maybe I’ll get out.” They were approaching a red light. Eva unlocked the door and began to open it.
“You’re crazy. Stop that.” Hans grabbed for her, but he was too big, too cumbersome.
“I’m not crazy. I need to talk with my niece. So I will get out now, if you don’t take me.” She was stunned when the words came out of her mouth.
Hans looked at her. “Was? Was hast du mir gesacht?”
“Bitte, Hansi. Ich muss meine Nichte suchen. Wirklich.”
Unbelievably, his face softened. She never spoke like this to him. Or when she did, she always regretted it. But he said, “Okay. Okay. She might be working, you know.”
“I want to see if she’s there. I will be quick. She doesn’t work every day. I forget her schedule. Just wait for me.”
“Fine. Shut the door.”
They drove to Maggie’s in silence. Eva got out and didn’t look back. She went up the stairs and knocked tentatively, but the door was open and she went in.
Maggie was there, as well as two other people, a young woman and a young man whom she’d never seen before. They were surrounded by lit candles, and the curtains were pulled. The day was dark, but in the apartment, it was darker.
They were high. There was a faint odor of burning and vomit. Eva straightened her skirt out and put her hand to her heart.
“Tante Eva!” Maggie said. She stood up and then sat back down on the ground, pillows scattered around her on a filthy rug. Here she was, a girl who’d been given everything. Clothes, warmth, a nice house, education—everything anyone could ever ask for. Even a mother’s love; whatever Eva thought of her sister, she loved Maggie as well as she could. All the things neither Liezel or she had had, or not for long. And she’d taken everything she was given and thrown it away. Eva closed her eyes and saw the rooms of her life, her childhood room that she shared with Willi and Liezel, her house with Hugo, the room she lived in now. You think everything is forever, but it all goes away. Maggie probably thought she could always go home, but someday, her home would be gone.
“Your mother came looking for you, Maggie.”
“I should be angry at you, Tante Eva,” Maggie said, smoking a cigarette.
“Angry at me?”
“You gave that witch my address.”
“You called her. She came here because of you.”
Maggie made a motion with her cigarette. “I had a weak moment. I needed money. Money to get Tom out of jail. He may be an ass, but I couldn’t leave him in there. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m not angry with you.”
“Have you seen Krista?”
“Krista?”
“Yes, my neighbor, the young girl who joined us at Café Einstein that night we all went out. She’s missing. She’s . . . I don’t know. I’m worried.”
“No, I haven’t. Honestly, I haven’t seen her since that night.”
“Maggie, maybe you should go home with your mother. For a while.”
“Aren’t you going to introduce us to your Tante?” said the girl lying on some pillows next to Maggie. She was obviously American. The young man was nodded out, asleep. “You’re the lady who lived in East Berlin your whole life? That is so cool!”
“Sorry,” Maggie said. “Tante Eva, this is my friend Laura.”
“I’ve heard all about you,” said Laura. “You’re the reason Maggie came to Berlin.”
To think she was the reason. And yet, look at this mess. Was she the reason for this mess, too?
“Nice to meet you,” Eva said. Her hands were shaking. She needed a pill, but she wouldn’t take one now.
“Hans is downstairs waiting for me. I’m going away. I wanted to see you, if you were still here. I didn’t know if you’d left with your mother. I think you should go home and I thought I’d tell you that, tell you how I feel. It’s not too late, Maggie.”
“My mother’s coming again tomorrow.” Maggie sat up, and wrapped her arms around her thin knees. Her pockmarked face, her green pallor, the cigarette—all this, and yet she was just a girl. She shivered a bit as she spoke. “I don’t know what to do. I hate her.”
“Stay here! Party with us,” said Laura.
“I’m leaving now with Hans. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’m glad I got to say goodbye.”
“Hey, I might be here when you get back. Who knows. I don’t know.”
“Oh, Maggie, I hope not.”
“That’s not a nice thing to say, Tante Eva.” She stood. Well, she was in better shape. High, yes. But not so poisoned as before.
“I say it because I failed you.”
“Stop,” Maggie said. “My problems are my own. I’ve said this to you already. They have nothing to do with you.”
She hugged her niece. “Goodbye, Maggie. May God bless you and look after you.”
Maggie pulled back and looked at her aunt, and her distant eyes focused for a minute. “It’s like a big hug, heroin,” she said. “It’s not anyone’s fault. It is what it is. It’s my . . .” She paused, then wrapped her arms around herself, swaying side to side. “It’s my hug.” Then Eva hugged her again, feeling her own big flesh wrap around her thin, shaky niece. Close to her ear, she said, “Nein, meine Liebe, this is a hug.” Then she kissed her niece on her head.
Maggie looked up at Eva but said nothing. But she had heard; she had heard her through her drugged-out mind.
Then Eva left, without looking back.
Hansi started the car as she walked back to it. Eva got in, slammed the door shut. He said, “As high as she is and she can still hold down her job. Dieses Mädchen ist etwas Besonderes.”
Chapter 32
Eva had taken two sleeping pills and fallen
