It was one of Cypher’s shirts. She huffed a laugh. Even kings left their clothes on the floor. The laugh turned into a wail as she pulled the cloth to her nose and breathed in his scent. She covered her mouth with the shirt and released the anguish that stayed so close to the surface. Lilly screamed as hard as she could, putting every ounce of anger, misery, and fear into it. The fabric muffled the physical sound, but the scream in her mind was piercing. Her stomach clenched, and her heart beat painfully in her chest. The physical ache was every bit as agonizing as the emotional. The combination of both was enough to make a person want to give up. Lilly felt she might shatter at any moment, and the pieces would be too small to put back together.
Her body trembled as she held the shirt tighter. She wished with everything in her that the shirt was on her love’s body, not in her hands. That he was standing before her scowling because she was taking too much time getting dressed. Why couldn’t he have been one of the survivors? Why him? Her other hand pressed to her chest, just over her heart, as if she had to keep it from beating out of her body. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to experience life without him.
“You’re too strong to give up.”
Lilly jumped at the sound of the female voice behind her. She turned to find Perizada standing in the entrance to the closet. Lilly must have spoken out loud and not realized it, which wasn’t surprising. She seemed oblivious to everything in the past few weeks.
“Peri.” Lilly’s voice was hoarse from screaming.
The fae walked over and leaned down. She took Lilly’s shoulders in her hands and lifted the woman effortlessly to her feet. “There will be time for more tears. And you have a right to every single one. But now we need to turn you into the queen you are.”
“Did Gerick call you?” Lilly asked as she frowned and wiped furiously at her cheeks as she tried to pull herself together.
“No,” Peri answered as she started flipping through the clothes. After several swipes, she picked a black gown that Lilly knew fit like a glove. It was high-necked, long-sleeved, and reached her ankles. “I was contacted by Slygorim.”
“Slygorim? The male who worked for Volcan?”
“The warlock male who had been under Volcan’s thumb because Volcan had his mate,” Peri corrected.
Lilly nodded. She remembered when the male and his mate, Evanora, along with her brother, Zoveus, had returned to their clan. They’d given an account to Cypher of all that had happened.
Peri grabbed Lilly’s hand and pulled her from the closet. “Sly and Z proved themselves to be good males, and I consider them friends. Sly and Evanora expressed concern about you and asked if I would check on you. But don’t be upset because I was headed this way already.”
“Jacque?” Lilly asked.
“She said you won’t answer her calls.”
“I lost my phone,” Lilly explained. It wasn’t a good enough excuse for not speaking to her daughter. She could have borrowed someone else’s or requested a new one. Deep down, though she didn’t want to admit it, Lilly didn’t want to speak to anyone. She wasn’t simply broken. She was empty. When Cypher had died, he’d taken her with him, leaving only the shell, which wasn’t useful to anyone, even her own daughter.
Peri grunted and raised an eyebrow at the warlock queen but didn’t press the issue. “Strip,” she said. The fae sifted through Lilly’s dresser and tossed a pair of undergarments onto the bed. “You can either dress yourself, or I can wave my wand and dress you myself.”
“You don’t use a wand,” Lilly pointed out as she undressed. The idea of having Peri dress her, even with magic, made Lilly feel even more helpless than she already did.
“Regardless, what’s it going to be?”
“I’ll do it the old-fashioned way.” Lilly grabbed the clothes and marched into the bathroom. A few moments later, she returned wearing the dress. “Zip me.” Lilly turned her back to the high fae. Lilly forced herself not to remember the many times Cypher had performed this simple task, the way his fingers would brush her skin, how his warm breath felt on the back of her neck.
“I’m thinking about using one.” Peri’s voice interrupted the memories, which caused Lilly to breathe a sigh of relief.
“Using one what?”
Peri sighed. “A wand, queeny. You’re going to need to keep up better than that if you want to handle these conniving leaders tonight.”
“I know,” Lilly bit out. “I’m just…” She paused.
“You’ve got a shattered heart,” Peri offered. “Ripped from your chest, stabbed, frozen, and then wacked with a sledgehammer until it shattered into a thousand pieces.”
Lilly turned, her eyes wide and her mouth agape. It took a few heartbeats before she could respond. “If that’s a damn rallying speech, you suck.”
“Jen has pointed out on several occasions that I don’t seem to understand the purpose of a pep talk.” Peri shrugged. “I don’t sprinkle sugar on feces, and the only reason I know that’s how you feel is because that’s how I feel.” Peri’s mask suddenly disappeared. Lilly could see the torment the high fae was bearing like a chain around her neck.
Lilly reached out her hand, but Peri blinked. An instant later, the mask was back in place. Take-charge-Peri was once again front and center. She lifted her hand and pointed at Lilly. Warmth ran up and over Lilly, and a second later, her hair, which had been a greasy rat’s nest of neglect, no longer touched her back.
Lilly reached up and felt her hair. Though she couldn’t see it, she could tell it was elaborately styled. Then, she felt a dense weight come down on top of her head. She reached up again and felt cold metal.
“You magicked my crown onto my head?” Lilly asked.
Peri shrugged. “I have my uses.”
Tears welled up in
