He let silence stretch between us for a few moments. When he finally spoke again, his tone was musing.
“This would be so much easier if I could simply scoff, and claim that I don’t understand you at all. But I do. Understand you, that is.”
I dragged my eyes up. “What do you mean?”
He examined my features like someone evaluating a painting, or a statue.
“Are you aware that until now, you’ve never once in our acquaintance expressed any sort of fondness or affection for me?” he asked, still watching me closely. “You’ve expressed gratitude. Appreciation. Sexual enjoyment. Concern for my physical wellbeing. But never any hint of an emotional connection.”
I blinked in surprise. Because that... couldn’t be right. My mouth opened, ready to list all the reasons why he was wrong—and I drew a blank.
His eyebrows went up. “In fact, I’d say you’ve practically bent over backward to avoid it. And I believe I understand now why that is.”
My mouth was still hanging open, and I strove to find words.
“You never said anything either!” was all I could come up with. And that was fair, wasn’t it? That was the reason I’d hidden and denied my feelings all this time.
“Zorah, I’m seven hundred years old—and you’re twenty-six,” he said, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles to take the sting out of the words. “Twenty-six, and caught in a never-ending series of crises that threaten not only your life, but the lives of those you care most about.”
I caught my lip between my teeth, not sure that my voice would stay steady if I tried to say anything.
“It’s a rather significant power imbalance,” Rans went on gently. “Whatever this is going to be, it will have to be because you want it. There are creatures in this world who will claim anything they please, simply because they wish to.” He paused, a dark look sliding across his face. “I am not one of those creatures.”
“But,” I began, hearing the rasp in my voice, “I still don’t understand why you even care. Why would you feel anything for me? I’m no one. The only thing remotely interesting about me is my parentage. Take that away, and I’m a broke waitress with a fucked-up, dysfunctional family life and a history of being dumped by my boyfriends!”
Rans closed his eyes as though something about my words had pained him. “When I was turned, my vampire sire abandoned me,” he said, confusing me with the seeming non sequitur. “I’ve no idea why. But he left me alone among the corpses of my dead family, with no clue about what had happened to me or what I had become.”
I squeezed his hand hard and drew breath to speak, but he shook his head.
“No, let me finish. It was four months before I stumbled across another vampire who could explain everything and help me get myself together. Four months, and I barely survived it. You survived for twenty-six years—twenty of those without even the most basic kind of emotional support, from what I can gather.”
My head moved slowly from side to side in negation. “But... that’s...” I tried to marshal my scattered thoughts. “That’s hardly the same thing! I thought I was human.”
Blue eyes bored into mine. “Yes. You weren’t, though. You were a succubus hybrid constantly teetering on the verge of starvation. But did you let that beat you? No. You didn’t. Instead, you dragged yourself to a demanding job every day, then dragged yourself home so you could volunteer at a second one to honor your dead mother’s memory.”
“Rans,” I said, bewildered, “lots of people do these things. People who have it way worse than I ever did.”
“Yes,” he agreed, “and they’re extraordinary, as well. But you still haven’t let me finish. You sacrificed yourself in an attempt to save a man who’d emotionally abandoned you years before, and railed against me for saving you from your fate merely because to do so, I’d shortened a life for which I barely care anymore in the process. You refuse to resort to the simplest and most straightforward method of feeding from other people out of some sort of... misplaced loyalty—”
“Stop!” I pulled my hand away and stood up abruptly, the chair legs screeching across the flagstone floor. The tea sloshed dangerously as the cup wobbled in its saucer. I was breathing hard.
“No,” he said, “I won’t stop. I saw all of these things, but I didn’t understand until it was too late that the very events which had shaped you into the woman you are would also prevent you from ever reaching for what you want.” He gestured between us. “Look at us. I’ve finally managed to pry an admission out of you that you have some sort of positive regard for me. But I still have absolutely no clue about your real feelings.”
“I’m in love with you, damn it!” I yelled, my fingernails pressing gouges into the table’s ancient varnish. “I wanted you safe because I’m in love with you! I don’t want to have sex with other people because I’m in love with you!”
My voice rose until the last few words were delivered in a shrill screech. I was shaking all over, convinced that I’d just delivered the most appallingly terrible declaration of love in the history of ever. But Rans rose from his chair and came around to my side, wrapping me in his arms from behind.
“Good,” he said. “Because I feel that way as well—bloody woman.”
My trembling muscles sagged as I replayed the statement in my head a couple of times to make sure I’d heard right.
“You might have said something sooner,” I said weakly, once I was convinced I hadn’t hallucinated the words.
He huffed. “I’ve been telling you that for weeks now.” His lips drifted lower until they were brushing the shell of my ear. “You just haven’t been listening... love.”
I shivered all over, gooseflesh rising on my arms, neck, and chest as every casual endearment he’d ever graced me with
