He made a dismissive noise. “Golden Boy was just trying to rattle you. He wanted to get a feel for your power levels, and your experience.”
“Well, it fucking worked,” I grumbled, my heart rate gradually slowing to normal. I used the hem of my shirt to blot sweat from my face—something that might have been more effective if the fabric wasn’t already as sweat-soaked as the rest of me.
“Drink some water,” Rans said without bothering to move from his position propping up the wall. “Then take a shower. Do you want me to join you for that part?”
I stilled, trying to pick through that sentence for the underlying meaning. People just... didn’t say shit like that to me.
“Why?” I ended up asking, since mindreading skills were failing me.
His expression was two parts exasperated and one part pitying. “In case you need to feed from me,” he said patiently.
The unexpected jolt that hit me in the belly was unwelcome. Damn it, I was trying to pull away, not get entangled further in the web.
“Oh,” I said stupidly. “No, I’m... uh... I’m fine.”
Perhaps the way my knees were trembling belied my words somewhat, but I was hoping this was just a matter of good old workout fatigue. While I’d made it a point to keep up with gentle yoga and Pilates routines even when I was struggling with my health, the truth was that this was the first serious physical workout I’d had in many years.
In a way, it kind of felt good to know that my muscles would be sore tomorrow. It made me feel like a normal person—ironic though that was under the current circumstances.
“As you like,” Rans said, though his eyes on me were penetrating.
I wondered what he saw. Actually, no—scratch that. It was better if I didn’t know. “I’ll just... go get that drink from the kitchen,” I mumbled, and fled the downstairs family room for the second time that afternoon.
The water was cool in my stomach, and the shower warm against my skin. After a few minutes of intense internal debate, I allowed myself an experiment. The tub-shower combo didn’t have a detachable massaging showerhead, but I let my fingers play over my breasts and slide downward, teasing and rubbing my clit with the familiarity of long practice.
I tried not to think of Rans as I urged my body toward completion. Tried, and failed miserably. I bit my lip as the orgasm rolled through me, holding my breath to ensure that no sound would escape my lips. When the familiar buzz of endorphins eased, I leaned against the tub wall and took stock.
I felt... better, sort of. More relaxed, less shaky. Less stressed out. It didn’t bring with it the sense of renewal that sex with another person—that sex with Rans—brought me. I didn’t experience that feeling of being deliciously sated and rested, like I’d just eaten a gourmet meal and slept like a baby for eight solid hours.
It did help a little, but I knew full well that I couldn’t sustain myself with masturbation in the long term. Hell, I’d already tried that approach, even if I hadn’t known at the time that I was part succubus. It was clear that unless I wanted to end up as starved and debilitated as I’d been for much of the past several years, I would have to involve another person.
I would have to feed from another person. The thought left a bad taste in my mouth.
If I was serious about cutting Rans loose once I’d found Dad—if I was serious about protecting my dark angel from the raging dumpster fire that was my life now—how was I going to keep my strength up without him? Having sex with humans over the long term could hurt them... maybe even kill them.
Forget about my scruples, though—the plain truth was that something deep inside me howled in outrage at the idea of sleeping with another man. I tried to stomp on the little voice in hopes that it would shut up.
Come on... don’t be stupid. We’re talking about a centuries-old vampire here. Do you expect that he’ll become celibate the moment you leave, and spend the rest of his immortal life pining for the American waitress who loved him and left him? As if!
It didn’t help.
The prospect of spending the rest of my—probably abbreviated—life on the run from the Fae while engaging in random one-night hookups to stay alive was appalling beyond belief. In fact, the very idea made me shudder.
I wondered idly if I had to actually be involved in sexual activity to draw energy from it. Maybe I could become a professional voyeur, haunting raunchy sex clubs and paying desperate strippers to masturbate for me while I watched.
Ugh. Now I felt positively queasy.
Assuming I was strong enough to let Rans go before I dragged him down with me, the future was going to suck donkey balls. One thing was painfully clear, though. I was already becoming an addict. A vampire junkie. An undead groupie. A nosferatu...
Something.
It would be best if I kept my distance from Rans as much as humanly possible until we carried out whatever plan he and Albigard came up with, because I clearly couldn’t be trusted around noble, attractive men with chronic iron deficiencies and sexy English accents.
I didn’t see any way that my own faerie-tale was going to end well at this point. I wasn’t sure if my dad’s storyline could be salvaged or not, though I was bound and determined to try—no matter what the cost. But there was no reason Rans couldn’t have a happy ending.
He just needed to avoid being dragged into my modern-day literary tragedy. And if Nigellus could eventually manage to talk him out of his self-destructive quest to poke the hornets’ nest that was the war in hopes that answers would fly out, so much the better.
I finished showering and exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped
